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It’s Only Through The Grace of God

I realized I can’t do Silent Sunday today, so please forgive me. Forgive me for what? Well, once again interrupting this quiet time. I realized that today is a very special day for me and I need to post something about that.

5 years ago today, I walked into my first Gambler’s Anonymous meeting. I was scared, I was tired and all I wanted to do was die.

As soon as I walked into that room, I knew I belonged. I knew I found a place where I would be accepted, loved and helped.

In the 5 years I’ve been in GA, I’ve learned several things about me. I’ve learned several things about life and several things about other people.

I’ve learned I don’t have to be an ass just to be an ass. It’s ridiculous that I used to do that. I would just be a bitch cause I could. How immature was that?

I’ve learned that even when I am a bitch just cause, I can change the behavior if I want too.

I’ve learned acceptance. Acceptance of self, which in turn led me to acceptance of others.

I’ve learned understanding, compassion and love. I had no idea what any of those were before going into those rooms.

I’ve learned there is a difference between being selfish and self caring. It’s not selfish to want to take care of myself first above all others. As long as I’m not hurting anyone else.

I’ve learned how to say no without feeling guilty.

I’ve learned that as long as I keep my side of the street clean, no one can tell me I’m wrong.

I’ve learned that as long as I continue doing what I think is right for me, I’ll be led down the path I need to be on.

I’ve learned honesty. Honesty with myself first and foremost so that I can be honest with everyone else in my life.

I’ve learned it’s OK to feel the emotions that I feel. As long as I don’t go make dysfunctional or self destructive decisions.

I’ve learned I am worthy of love and will not settle for less than what I deserve.

I’ve learned how to be me. And not be ashamed of that.

I’ve learned how to live life on life’s terms.

To all my GA friends and family, I love you and thank you for helping me save my life.

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