Archive for August, 2006
Alright. I’ve got one set up here. This may get wordy, so put your attention span together and hang in there.
The first Fuck Off And Die goes to the finance lady. We finally heard from her. Today. She actually left a message on our machine last night and I called her back today. Turns out, we can’t get the money. The loan to value of the house is off kilter or some shit like that. Basically? Not enough equity in the house. She said she put it on her tickler file to call us again in 6 months to see if we want to try again. It only took her since June to tell us this. How fucking hard was it for her to tell us that? Good God, she took 2 1/2 months to give us the run around and then tells me she worked her ass off trying to get us that money. I’m calling bullshit on that right there. Thanks to the drugs given to me two days ago, I did not rip the bitch a new asshole. However, I would like to tell her to Fuck Off And Die.
The second Fuck Off and Die goes to people who call my cell phone and don’t leave me a message. How the fuck am I supposed to know if you actually want to talk to me if you don’t leave me a message and ask me to call you back? Fuck you. Stop doing that. Or just leave me a fucking message. I’m no longer going to call you back just because I missed your call on my phone. If you don’t leave me a message, fuck off and die, I didn’t want to talk to you anyway.
The third Fuck Off and Die goes to people who give law enforcement a hard time. Not all cops are bad. Not all cops are out to hurt you. They respond to calls for service. Guess where those fucking calls come from? That’s right, you’re fucking neighborhood. They don’t just show up in your neighborhood for shits and giggles. They show up for a fucking reason. Get over yourselves and start abiding by the laws and maybe they’ll leave you alone. So to those who almost started a riot yesterday by trying to intimidate two officers I work with (and one is my friend) FUCK OFF AND DIE. Thanks.
And the fourth FOAD goes to the fucktard niece of an online friend of mine, who ended up “outing” her with her blog to her family. She used her blog for venting purposes, to express herself and to keep her sanity. Now that said niece outed her, she has been asked to move out because of things she had said on her blog. So to the niece of my new friend, FUCK OFF AND DIE, MIND YOUR OWN FUCKING BUSINESS. You know who you are girlie and my thoughts are with ya. Hang in there.
Until next time….
OOOOH you’re probably expecting some kinda nasty shit (literally) with that post title. Don’t get your hopes up. This is going to be long, sappy and emotionally based. All I’m doing here is purging some emotions that I need to get rid of because they have a lot to do with how I’ve been feeling lately.
Last May I made a horrible mistake. I’ve mentioned it before on this blog. I hooked up with a very good friend. He was one of my best friends actually. Everytime something happened in my life, I called 4 people first. My best friends TB and Todd (who passed away), RC and this guy. I’m going to call him Mr. PR.
Mr. PR and I were inseparable, we were great friends. We would go to Friday’s and play trivia with Todd and a bunch of our other friends. We would talk about the Yankees (he’s a huge Yankees fan as well.)
He was always there for me, I was always there for him. The only hitch in our friendship was that there was this HUGE attraction. We were very attracted to each other but did not act on it due to him being in a long term committed relationship. I kept my distance and I did not ever act on my attraction.
In April of last year, he got married to his long time girlfriend. I missed the wedding because mom and I were in Hawaii. In the middle of May 2005, we all went out to Friday’s. Mr. PR and I were teammates again (as was the norm when we would go in a group. We would pick teams and then play against each other in the trivia games and Mr. PR and I were always teammates.)
After all of our other friends left that night, we hung out a little longer, playing more trivia. We were joking and laughing for awhile. About an hour or so later, he leaned in and kissed me. I feebly tried to stop it, protesting about him being married. I didn’t protest enough though. I didn’t stop it. He continued to kiss me. I kissed him back. A lot. It went a lot further and it’s information I’m not willing to share on here.
After finally leaving Friday’s, it was close to 3 in the morning (we had gotten there around 10:30 and our friends left at 11:30 or 12.) I was driving home and I was sick to my stomach. I had this horrible knot in the pit of my stomach. I didn’t know how to get rid of.
I knew what would happen. I knew I had lost the friendship right there. I also knew what I hoped would happen. What I hoped would happen did NOT happen. We pretty much stopped hanging out together or calling each other or texting each other during Yankees games. I knew it was done. I lost one of the best friendships I’d ever had. About a month and a half later, Todd passed away.
About 2 weeks after Todd passed, Mr. PR informed me that he let his wife know everything that had happened the night at Friday’s. I said OK. He then told me we could no longer be friends outside of the GA rooms. I was upset, but I was accepting of his decision. He had to do what he had to do for himself and his family. He told me we would still be able to fellowship together and share recovery. That never happened. We don’t really talk. We say hello to each other in the rooms and that’s it. He didn’t go to my 5 year celebration and he never said congrats. He’s still doing what he feels is right for him. And being who I am, I can’t say that I blame him.
Within a 2 week period, I lost two of my best friends. It was horrid. I was so lost without Todd and didn’t know which way was up. I did not really deal with the lost friendship of Mr. PR. I miss the friendship to this day. I miss his friendship almost as much as I miss having Todd around. And that’s a lot.
I did that. I ruined that friendship by letting something happen. I should have been stronger. As he should have been as well. We both should have known better. We didn’t. We both lost a friend over our stupid physical needs that for whatever reason, we couldn’t hold back anymore.
I hurt myself. I hurt his wife. And for those two things, I’m sorry. Would I do it all over again? I don’t know that I would. If I knew now what I didn’t know then. If knew that I would lose the friendship before kissing him or letting it go as far as it did, I would not have let it happen.
Recently, I’ve been thinking about Mr. PR a lot lately. I’ve been thinking about the friendship we had. I’ve been thinking about how much I miss that friendship. I helped truly fuck up a beautiful friendship. How sad and horrible is that?
I needed to vent this because it’s been building up since my 5 year celebration at the beginning of the month and I’ve bottled it up. I’m done bottling up how I feel about shit. DONE.
Thanks for letting me share.
Until next time…. 😎
Alright. Here we go. I went to the doctor’s office for my appointment at 5:30pm. At about 5:25, the nurse told me that the doctor I was waiting for was running about 45 minutes to an hour behind. Did I want to wait or see one of the other doctors/PA’s in the office?
Hello. I’m feeling anxious and nervous, I certainly don’t want to sit there for another hour waiting. So I said I would see one of the PA’s that I have seen when I’ve gone to this office before.
Within 15 minutes, I was in the back having my temperature taken and my blood pressure taken. My BP was 114/70 or something like that. I know the 114 is right, I just don’t remember the bottom number. My temp was good too. However, I’ve gained 6 pounds (per their scales) since the last time I was there. That makes me very unfuckinghappy.
I see the PA and we discuss what’s been going on and why I’m there. He asks all kinds of questions about the ER I went too. What tests did they run? What meds did they give me? All that happy horse shit.
After a 10 minutes conversation, with me blubbering like an idiot (I’m not skeered to cry ya know) throughout most of it. He determined the ER doctor was right, I’m having anxiety attacks. He gave me another prescription for the Ativan and wants to see me in a month. We discussed stress levels and the anxiety I feel when I get stressed. We discussed the anger I felt in certain situations manifesting itself into these attacks.
He told me it will just take some time. Could be a day or two, could be a week or it could be a month, but I would start feeling better.
Thanks to everyone for your well wishes and the offers of certain cheeses you could send me. I am no longer in need of said cheese, since I’ve thrown the whine out. I’m done with it. I’m so tired of it. OVER IT. O.V.E.R.I.T. Thanks for putting up with my whiney posts lately!
I found out today that DC Roe assigned the 2,996th 9/11 victim to a blogger. How awesome is that? What a huge, huge venture he took on and here we are, less than 2 weeks away from the anniversary. It’s an awesome thing and I can not wait to see the end result. Thanks to DC Roe for starting this project and thanks to all the bloggers out there who have taken on the name of a victim to remember on 9/11. We’ll be remembering the lives of those people, rather than the lives of their killers. That’s a huge thing for me.
I’ve been told by my boss to sleep in tomorrow. Do you think I argued? Fuck no. I did not argue, I said OK. I’m sleeping in tomorrow. Please realize that for me, 6:30 or 7 a.m. is sleeping in.
Until next time…. 😛
I feel like crap. I go to the doctor at 5:30 this afternoon. Maybe I’ll post something after that. I had one of those anxiety things last night. Thing = attack. I went to bed at 10pm, but didn’t get to sleep until close to midnight. I took my last Ativan at like 1045 when I finally realized why I was tossing and turning.
I fucking hate this. I hate being so anxious all the fucking time. It’s not me. It makes me feel very out of sorts and out of my comfort zone. I was laying there last night, trying to breathe through it and slow my heart rate down. As I was doing that, I started panicking “what if this IS a heart attack?” and then I realized the symptoms were the EXACT same as when I panicked on the 17th and took myself to the ER. EXACTLY the same. Not one iota different.
I finally fell asleep somewhere around 11:30 or 12. My alarm was set for 6:30, since I got to take a little extra time this morning from my snafu yesterday of going to work on my vacation day HAH! I woke up at 610am or so. Didn’t get much sleep. It’s OK though, I’ll be able to sleep a little more tonight too cause I’ll have gone to the doctor and I’m going to take the other half an hour the boss told me to make up.
Until next time… 😎
I woke up this morning at 4:45 when my alarm went off. I got ready for work and left the house at 5:55. I was determined to get to work by 6:30 so I could sit outside with my buddies at least once this week. I got there at 6:25 and enjoyed my coffee and time with my friends. I went into my office and started working at about 6:55.
Right around 8:30, my boss got to the office and says to me, “What are you doing here?”
me: I’m working, why?
boss: you’re supposed to be on vacation today
me: no I’m not.
boss: look at your leave slip.
(I then dig through the papers on my desk, cause I keep copies of all leave slips….lo and behold…I’m on vacation today!)
me: Oh crap!
boss: go home and make up the 1 1/2 hours tomorrow or the next day.
me: alrighty then! I’ll finish the daily activity reports and get on outta here.
boss: OK. You wasted a perfect opportunity to sleep in.
me: GAH!!!! I know, can you believe it? I’m such a dork!
boss: see you tomorrow
me: yup, OK! Bye bye!
That was my day at work. 2 1/2 hours of wasted sleep. I could have slept in. I could have still been sleeping even. I’m now sitting here at home, feet up, drinking coffee and watching Charmed. WOOT! I’ll take a nap soon too!
Until next time…. 😛
Hey everyone! I’m back and I didn’t even get into trouble (not for lack of trying at the game though.) This is going to be a fairly long post. I don’t feel like breaking it down into more than one. I’ll apologize to those with a short attention span and if you don’t make it through the whole thing, it’s OK.
I think I’ll start with the story. We left Las Vegas late Friday afternoon, MH could not get off work until like 1:30 in the afternoon, so by the time I picked her up and we got on the road, it was close to 2pm. We stopped twice. TWICE. On the way down to our hotel in Westminster. We got to the hotel at around 7:15 or so. FIVE HOURS. I’m disgusted. I can’t even remember the exact way that we went, however, I do know the 22 was involved in it. And that freeway SUCKS ASS. It was the WORST freeway ever. EVER. It’s under construction and if we think OUR construction here in Vegas is bad? Oh no, we don’t. Really. Seriously, we have no construction problems here in Vegas comparatively speaking.
Saturday morning, we went to The Brig in Dana Point for breakfast (yes, a long drive, but well worth it down the PCH). After breakfast, we went to Angel Stadium for the game, which started at 1:05pm. We got to the ballpark at like 12:10 or so. We figured out where our seats were (in the fucking sun, thank you very much) and then went back down to get some water, snacks and smoke a cigarette. Yes, unlike a lot of stadiums, there are smoking areas in Angel Stadium. We got back to our seats around 12:45 or so. Somewhere in the 1st Inning, we got relief from the sun, in the form of shade. Nice, sweet, wonderful shade. Never thought I’d be so happy to sit in shade before.
While sitting there, eating my peanuts, drinking my Pepsi (I’m on meds, can’t have beer. That seriously sucked), this woman behind us started talking shit about the Yankees. It’s allowed, I talk shit about other teams all the time. Only difference? When I talk shit about other teams, I talk shit about the way they play ball. I don’t talk shit about them personally and I don’t call them names (two exceptions to this rule explained in this post in a minute.) This woman WOULD.NOT.SHUT.THE.FUCK.UP about how ugly, how greasy he looked, how nasty of a person he was. You may ask, “well, who is HE?” It was every single Yankee player that came up to bat. “Ewww, his eyes are too close together.” “Ewwww, he’s nasty looking.” “Ewwwww, he’s such a prick.”
First of all, I have NO problem with anyone who wants to talk shit about THE WAY the Yankees play baseball. I do it every now and then myself. However, I find it incredibly hard to take when someone is sitting there saying something about them personally. My opinion? The person knows nothing about baseball and so they are just trying to “look good” to their friends by talking shit about the players. Or it could be that they have NOTHING to talk shit about THE WAY they play ball and so they go after their personality or their looks or whatever the case may be.
Now, don’t get me wrong, I have talked shit about the way some baseball players have looked. The Ape, for instance, (that would be David Ortiz for those who don’t know me), I think he looks like an ape and I laugh everytime I see him. Do I think he’s a bad baseball player? Fuck no. He’s phenomenal. He’s one of the best clutch hitters playing the game today. Manny Ramirez is another example of someone I make fun of the way he looks. Again, it doesn’t mean I don’t think he’s a good player.
I do not, however, compare the way they look with the way they play baseball. The way they play baseball has NOTHING to do with their looks. I do not sit there (whether I’m in their house or not) and talk shit about the way they look. Orlando Cabrera came up to bat. He’s a GREAT baseball player. He’s hard to look at. He’s ugly. Did I say it outloud? Did I say it SO loud that any Angels fan sitting around me could hear? Fuck no. I said it low enough to where just my friend MH could hear me.
Professional courtesy. If you have a beef with the way the Yankees PLAY BASEBALL. Bring it. I don’t care. The bullpen is tired and overworked. The starting pitchers are getting knocked outta the game early, that’s where the extra work comes in for people like Farnsworth and Proctor. A-Rod is in a serious fucking slump and will continue getting booed at Yankee Stadium until he hits a home run.
Again, if you have a problem with the way they play the sport, please express your opinion. If you just want to bash the way they look or call them the “girlfriend” of another player, don’t bring the ignorance here. I’ll tell you that you’re an asshat and to fuck off. As a sports fan, I’m offended and disgusted that people claim to be baseball fans and talk that kind of shit. It makes me sick to my stomach and MH had to physically push me passed the woman when we left. I wanted to rip her tongue out. I really think that if she had even thrown in ONE little thing about the way they were playing the game, I wouldn’t have been so upset.
This is getting long winded. I could stop now and post something later? Awww, fuck it, I’m going to keep going.
After the game (OK, in the 7th or 8th inning when it was 9 to 5 Angels winning), we left the game. We went back to the hotel and showered and freshened up. My friend Lock called after he and his significant other got facials. I was so freaking jealous. All I got was a serious fucking sunburn on my shoulders, arms and chest. Damnit. At least the hat I was wearing saved me from getting raccoon eyes from the sunglasses I was wearing.
When Lock called, we ventured out and north. North all the way to Pasadena. GAH!!!! I was so tired by the time we got there, I could hardly see straight haha. We got there a little after 7pm. We went to eat and I bought Lock dinner for his birthday (it was the 24th). After that, we got back to their apartment where I left my car and MH and I ventured south. We got back to the hotel room around 11pm. Wasn’t too bad and I’m thinking that if we had NOT been out in the heat all day at the game, we would not have been so tired/exhausted.
This morning, we went to Seal Beach. I had never been there and I loved it. It was a HUGE beach. The view was phenomenal (see the flickr badge for pics) and I just wished we had another day (or weren’t fucking so sunburned) so we could have lazed around there all day.
This was a truly long, long winded post. If you made it this far, thank you sooooo much for reading it all!
Until next time…. 😎
I think mini vacations in Southern California are a good thing. I’m going to be seeing the Yankees play the Angels tomorrow. I’ll be in the upper deck, behind home plate. WOOT! I’ll be sitting in section 417 there behind home plate. I’m hoping it’s kind of shaded, but I can’t remember where the shaded sections are in Angel Stadium. GAH. Well I’ll make sure to put some sunscreen on, I’ll have my Yankees hat and I’m set!
See ya’ll when I get back from California! Have a fun, safe and great weekend!
Until next time…. 😛
Things that scare me:
People who make me laugh:
my best friend KP
the people at Did I Say That?
Things I hate the most:
feeling like shit ( I currently do NOT feel this way haha)
when people are asshats just to be asshats
Things I don’t understand:
why stupid people breed
anything to do with HTML or coding of any kind
why some people are asses just to be asses
Things I am doing right now:
drinking vanilla nut coffee
making a mental checklist of what I have in my suitcase
Things I want to do before I die:
fall in love
go to Greece
go to Tuscany
Things I can do:
memorize all personnel (badge) numbers of people I work with without trying
create a spreadsheet in Excel
type 100+ words per minute
Ways to describe my personality:
Things I can’t do:
anything to with with web design or coding
anything more than basic math (I suck at math)
figure out men
Things I think you should listen to:
Every Man For Himself – Hoobastank
A Fever You Can’t Sweat Out – Panic! At the Disco.
Rio – Duran Duran
Things you should never listen to:
a couple in the heat of the moment (unless of course, you are a part of said couple)
that crazy lady next to you
Things I’d like to learn:
HTML code (I think I’m going to find a book HTML for Dummies….it’s gotta be out there somewhere)
to speak Italian
Beverages I drink regularly:
TV shows I watched as a kid: damn this one is hard.
The Partridge Family
The Brady Bunch
I’m not really going to tag anyone…cause well I just don’t feel like it. But if you’re reading this, consider yourself tagged. How ya like them apples?