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Archive for September, 2006

Silent Sunday


Photo by Tom Fox, Dallas Morning News

A bolt of lightning strikes near Terminal D as an American Airlines jet takes off from Dallas/Fort Worth International Airport on Monday, September 11, 2006, before an approaching storm moves through the area.

**Photo and information taken from MSNBC.com The Week In Pictures.**

Weather changes and other stuff

The weather has changed drastically here in Las Vegas. I know, who gives a fuck, right? However, since I live here? I do. I care. It went from being about 75-80 in the mornings at this time to being 66 degrees right now and it’s windy. The wind makes it a little on the chilly side. The wind is also killing my sinuses.

Onto happier notes. I took my buddy who turned 11 back in August to Peter Piper Pizza (GAH!). That’s where he wanted to go and I promised him I would take him anywhere he wanted to go. That’s what I did. I played some Ms. Pacman and another super old school video game that I can’t remember the name of. I keep thinking Galaxy or Galactica or something and I’m not remembering. It doesn’t matter.

He played tons of video games and earned himself 700+ tickets for prizes. They go there often enough so that he just turned his tickets in for a regular ticket listing the amount he has. He’ll take it back with him next time he goes and then get some prizes (toys). We had some pizza and I had a salad. Ummm, both said pizza and salad were grosser than shit. It made me sick to my stomach.

I dropped my buddy off at 7:40 and then headed to the 49th birthday celebration meeting for GA. 49 years ago on September 13, two men got together and created Gambler’s Anonymous. Paving the way for the rest of us who have followed. A big thank you to them.

I’m going to get my hair done soon and I’m still at a loss for what I want. I may just give her carte blanche and tell her to do whatever. We’ll see. I want a new style for the cruise and if I can’t think of anything between now and 10am, I think I’m screwed cause I leave next week.

I have four working days until we leave. I’m still excited and it’s all I can think about. I’ve printed my checklist of what I want to pack/take with me. Anal? Maybe, but at least I’ll be prepared!!! I’m going to start packing Sunday and do a little each day after work. I’ve got a busy week ahead of me at work and after work, so I want to make sure I don’t forget anything!

Until next time…

I Need Vacation

I hate it when I do that

I went to edit my last post and hit DELETE instead of EDIT. FUCK!

It was about new hair styles. I’m looking for new hairstyles and I wanted to add to the post that I had been experimenting with one of those online things were you download a pic of your face and try on all these different hairstyles.

It didn’t work very well. It was funky looking and I’d be embarrassed if anyone ever saw it heehee.

I’ve had an incredibly boring day. I’ve not really moved from my computer desk except to go outside for a smoke, find something to eat, etc. I’ve been fucking lazy.

I’m putting off getting ready for my “date” tonight cause I’m not feeling well (see previous posts about side effects of other pills I’m taking) and I’m trying to force myself to get up and get ready. I won’t cancel cause the kid has been waiting for this for weeks and I don’t want to let him down. He’s 10-11 years old for Christ’s sake. He wouldn’t understand if I canceled AGAIN.

I’ve been doing a lot of reading of blogs today, since I haven’t really done anything else. I’ve read some drama, I’ve read about people getting fired (I will NOT say that fucking D word cause it’s stupid and ignorant). Damn, I’m sorry, that was my outside voice not my inside voice. I’ll try to control my opinion a little better. Actually, never mind, I’ll express my opinion.

I’ve realized that next Thursday is a very special day for me! Grey’s Anatomy season premiere is on at 9pm next week. It’s an hour earlier and it’s on Thursdays so that way I won’t stay awake super late on Sundays anymore!! woohoo! I just saw a preview for the new season and it looks awesome!!!!!

I’m just rambling at this point, so I’ll close with something I’ve learned. I’ve learned I am more comfortable in my own skin than I have been in years. This came to mind while I was on the phone with my best friend. She’s going through some emotional/medical stuff right now where she has to do something for the benefit of her own health and it will impact her relationship with her boyfriend in one way or another. We discussed how when we were roommates, we both grew and learned about ourselves. And we both became more comfortable in our own skin and found out that we are OK within ourselves.

Gotta love that shit.

Until next time….

Here’s a little TMI for ya

I woke up quite late this morning, so I missed out on my Sportscenter and coffee date. I did, however, still get to drink the coffee.

I’ve been sleeping very well since I got onto the Ativan medication for the anti-anxiety. I’m quite pleased with that. The other meds I’m on for my female problems are quite the different story. They have helped the pain of the endometriosis slightly. I say slightly because the pain is still quite bad each month. This pill has definitely helped with the dysmenorrhea and lightened the flow.

This pill has caused several different gross and upsetting side effects. The main one I’m upset about? My boobs hurt all the fucking time. Constant pain in my chest region was NOT what I was after. It hurts to walk, hurts to hug people, hurts when my dog jumps up on me and stands on my chest (she’s only 7 pounds – this should NOT hurt). It’s caused me to cramp and bloat in between cycles.

I don’t like that. When I get back from Mexico, I will be going to see my doctor about this pill and we’ll discuss options and all that happy horseshit.

Onto happier things. I have 7 days until I leave town. We’ll be staying in a hotel over night Friday and then boarding the ship Saturday. And yes, I’m aware of the fact I’ve repeated this in several posts. I don’t care. I’m excited and it’s something ya’ll will have to deal with until I’m gone for vacation!

Until next time…

I Need Vacation

Is it really FOAD Thursday already?

I’m a loser. I have no FOAD this week. I realized it was Thursday when someone at work told me to have a good weekend as I was leaving the building. I’m off on payday Fridays so today is my Friday. WOW!

I’m sure I could go into a long dissertation about the people at work who pissed me off this week. Since I’ve been trying NOT to blog about work, I’m not going too. I’m not going to get into how petty, whiney and spoiled rotten they are. Nor will I get into the fact that very few of them know how to follow a direct order.

I have four working days left until I leave for my cruise. I have 7 (not counting today) days until I leave town. We will be staying over night Friday the 22nd down in CA. That way there is not the possibility of us getting stuck in traffic Saturday morning and somehow missing our ship. That would just totally suck. So we are leaving a day early!

I can’t tell you how ready I am for this vacation. It will be the first “full” vacation of the year for me. I’ve taken some weekends here and there and gone to the beach, but it’s so not the same as a full week. Full seven days, no internet, no cell phone, no phone, no co-workers to piss me off. It will be incredibly relaxing and I’m excited. Actually, I’m so excited I could spit or pee my pants. Or both. But I’ll save you that information if it happens.

Until next time….

I Need Vacation

why ya wanna try to classify

I’m on some kind of sick, twisted, can’t get enough kick of Justin Timberlake. His new song Sexyback just rocks my socks. I fucking love it.

I’m now watching MTV Hits and one of his videos from Justified is on. I’m so digging it. I think I’m just sick. Could be all the stress I’ve been feeling. I don’t know what it is, but I’m quite fascinated lately with Justin and his music.

WOW. It’s like an N’SYNC thing now on the video. Good God I’m sick, I need more meds cause I’m loving it. Damn, I just admitted on the internet that I like N’SYNC and Justin Timberlake. GAH!

My day started quite oddly. Actually, I woke up late and got to work barely on time at 6:45. I realized quickly, I locked myself out of my office. I knew exactly where my keys were sitting on my desk in that office too. I almost went apeshit about it. However, I made some jokes, wondered the building and bugged some co workers until the person who has an extra key to my office came in. That was around 8:15 or so.

Yeah, so I was locked out of my office for an hour and a fucking half. I get in there, I start going through the incoming mail for the boss and the phones won’t shut the fuck up. I start getting things ready to review for the budget process (Budget kickoff meeting was yesterday and our budgets for FY 07/08 are due on Oct 2.)

I got interrupted more times than I can count. It was annoying as all get out. I was losing my temper with people. I relaxed a bit and then something reared it’s ugly head and I had to deal with some whiners and complainers.

There’s a new pilot project going on that we have been directed to take part in. OK, we’ll figure it out. Right? Oh my bad for thinking that the others I work with know how to play well with other bureaus. God forbid we just go with the flow and see if this shit works, ya know?

GAH! Anyway, I don’t like to fuss about work here so I’ll stop now. I have 5 working days til my cruise. A week from tomorrow is my last work day. I’m quite excited. I can’t wait!

Until next time…

I Need Vacation

go ‘head be gone with it

I am SOOOOOO excited!!!! I finally got it! I finally got labeled at Blog Explosion! I finally got the coveted “Profanity” label in RED!!!! Excited 2

OK, I know that seems ridiculous to some of you, but not to me! I have been waiting a long fucking time for that label. So, whoever reviewed my blog and put that “Profanity” label on me, thank you veryfuckingmuch!

I’m channel surfing. Going in between the Yankees game and Charmed. I watch all the Charmed reruns on TNT. I just love this show (and I don’t care what others think.) I’ve watched it since day one and I cried during the Series Finale.

The Yankees are currently beating the shit out of the Devil Rays. It’s currently 9 to 0 in the top of the 3rd. Yeah, you read that right. There were 13 batters for the Yanks in the first inning. WOW!

Have I mentioned I leave for my vacation a week from this Friday? We will drive down Friday afternoon, stay over night and then get on the ship the next day. WOOT! And Mr. Fab? If you can make your way here to Vegas AND you can fit in my suitcase and go through all their screening processes, feel free to tag along!

Until next time…

I Need Vacation

Sense of relief and some rambling

As I sit here watching Monday Night Football, I feel a sense of relief. A sense of relief that this day is finally over. It was a good day as far as work goes, for the most part. I’ve got some shit I need to deal with and don’t know where to start, but I have a good idea of what needs to get done.

I’m relieved the day is over and it’s almost 9/12. Does that sound bad? I hope not cause all I’m trying to say is I’m ready for this emotional roller coaster of a day to be done. I’ve read a lot of the tributes other bloggers have done and they’ve done very well in remembering the victims of that horrible, tragic day. My thoughts and prayers are with all the families, friends and co-workers of the victims of that tragic day.

I’ve read some “anti” tributes, actually I’ve just read some weird shit today. It’s odd really. I don’t know how I feel about most of the stuff I read today that was negative or political. I know that I feel honored to have taken part in something huge and phenomenal. I’ve read that someone who signed up for a tribute linked the 2,996 Tribute website to a website that said “GO FUCK YOURSELF” How lame is that shit? What.the.fuck.is.that. I understand some people didn’t want to participate. I understand some people didn’t want to have anything to do with even reading the tributes. I understand that. But, seriously. WHAT THE FUCK?!?!

I feel humbled by the comments left on the blog. I took what I read on the memorial websites and built on those memorials that were already set up. I tried to personalize it as best I could without having known him. I cried when I read the comments today. It was a moving experience for me and I’m still feeling quite emotional. Thanks to everyone who left a message either in the comments or in my email. I appreciate them all.

I’ve heard rumors they want to make this tribute an annual event. I’m conflicted on that as well. I think this year, this day was perfect for the tributes, due to it being the 5th year. I don’t know how I feel about it happening every year. I know I would want to take part every 5 years or something like that. It just seems too overwhelming to take on each and every year. I’ll sleep on it tonight and see how I feel in the morning.

I’m rambling, I know. I really just need to go to sleep since 4:45 in the morning comes entirely too quickly. The ass crack of dawn, as I like to call it. comes toooooo early. I’m so not a morning person. How I ended up working a 7am to 4pm shift that takes me a fucking hour to get too (means I leave the house at 6am) is beyond me. I miss my later shifts. I miss sleeping in. Sleeping in to me is like 6:30am. HAH!

Have I mentioned I have 8 working days left until my cruise? That’s a beautiful thing, ya know. I’m quite excited. No cell phones. No emails. No internet. Oh man, how will I ever survive? 😉

Stephen Mulderry, one of 2,996

Before I start my tribute, I’d like to thank DC Roe for getting this started and for all of his hard work. I’d like to thank all the bloggers taking part and all the people who have helped DC Roe finalize this tribute. It’s huge, it’s moving and I’m honored to be a part of it. This is a sticky post. It will be at the top of my blog until after 9/11/06. 2,996 people died on 9/11/01. People like Stephen. Don’t forget. I know I won’t.

This post is dedicated to the life of Stephen V Mulderry who was on the 89th floor of the World Trade Center when it was hit by a plane. All of the information I’ve gained is from obituaries and online websites dedicated to the victims of September 11.

The impression I got from everything I read, was one of happiness, family, love and generosity. It seems he was generous with his time and love and he loved to help people. I can’t say that I knew him. But I can say I’ve known people like him and I wish I had known him. People who take up the whole room when they enter. Their energy and magnetism just light up the room. There’s no mistaking the charismatic look in his eye in the pictures I’ve seen of him.

When I look at the picture of him, I envision a tall, lanky, happy man who is secure in himself and in the world he has immersed himself in. I see passion and strength. I see happiness and love. I feel a warmth spread from my heart, at the same time as feeling incredible sadness that the world lost someone like him.

Everything I’ve read on the internet has given me the impression that the man never rested. He was always doing something for someone. He was always working at something that he loved, like being a top equity trader and a vice president of the employee-owned investment banking and brokerage firm, Keefe, Bruyette and Woods. Even in high school and college, Stephen did for others. He worked as a counselor and mentor at Project Strive, in Albany, an after school and summer program for grammar school students.

Stephen Vincent William Mulderry was born on May 4, 1968 in Albany, NY. Stephen had seven siblings, Amy, Andrew, Daniel, Peter, Anne Connel, Alexandra Andreani, Bill and Dara. Stephen’s parents were Anne and Bill Mulderry. Stephen attended Bishop Maginn Diocesan High School. After graduation, he attended the University of Albany.

Stephen moved to New York City after graduating from college, to pursue his career. When he first moved to the City, he was delivering chocolate milk to bodegas and he was a bartender. It’s been said that he poured energy into everything he did. Whether it be work, family, or basketball. He loved playing basketball and played it throughout college, where he led the team as point guard for three seasons.

Stephen’s nickname on the basketball court (and probably other places) was Zipper. I’d say this was because of his speed and agility on the basketball court. While playing basketball in the city leagues, he was voted Most Valuable Player during the Lower East Side Hamilton Fish tournament.

Everything I read also told me that he was a gifted musician, singer and dancer. People have said he had a quick and kind wit. He was uninhibited with his appreciation of other people’s talents. In one of the many pages I’ve read, his brother, Andrew, had this to say: “He loved basketball, but he had four passions: friends, family, work and basketball. He was an incredible source of love and support for me. Even in the midst of this horrible circumstance, I feel nothing but blessed for the older brother I have.”

What an incredible source of light and memory we have. Stephen Mulderry, I pray that you are resting in peace. Know that we remember you and what you did while you were with us on earth.

To the Mulderry family, I am incredibly sorry for your loss. I am also very humbled and grateful that I was able to write this memorial for your son, brother, friend and loved one. May you find joy and happiness as you continue to remember the wonderful person that Stephen was.

A little bit of this and a little bit of that

On Friday, after a GA meeting, I was in a conversation with a friend of mine. We were talking about the movie World Trade Center. I asked her when someone says World Trade Center or 9/11 what does she think of?

She proceeded to tell me that she thinks of the financial district. She thinks of the bankers, the traders, the accountants, and the civilians who died that day. I told her I found that interesting.

What do I think of when someone says World Trade Center or 9/11? I think of NYPD, FDNY and EMS emergency responders. I think of the firefighters running up the stairs while all the civilians were running down. I think of the loss of life and I think of the people in the buildings working hard that day.

What a difference. Her thoughts compared to mine. We are different people. We all have different opinions. We all have different thoughts and opinions on 9/11/01. And that’s OK. I like it that way. It reminds me that we are all human and we are in a country where we can express those opinions.

Do some people attack us for said opinions? Absolutely. People call others stupid or idiotic for wanting to participate in a tribute. People believe that some of us jumped on a bandwagon with 2,995 others. And that’s OK. Does it offend me? Not particularly. Do I think it’s right? Not really, but again, people have to do what people have to do.

The tribute I did for Stephen Mulderry was about HIM. It was not about 9/11. It was about the man who was called Zipper on the basketball court. It was about the man who used to deliver chocolate milk to bodegas when he first moved to New York City. It was about the brother to 6 other people. It was about a 6’2″ 180 pound lanky equity trader and vice president.

I made a few references to 9/11 in my tribute. I said

“2,996 people died on 9/11/01. Don’t forget. I know I won’t.”

and:

“Stephen V Mulderry who was on the 89th floor of the World Trade Center when it was hit by a plane. All of the information I’ve gained is from obituaries and online websites dedicated to the victims of September 11.”

That was all I mentioned about the actual tragedy. The rest of my tribute was about Stephen’s life. About his work and about what he enjoyed doing.

I’ve read SEVERAL tributes today and a lot of them have thrown in their political views or some kind of political rant. For me, this tribute was NOT the place for my opinion on politics or terrorism or war or President Bush.

This tribute was about a man who died 5 years ago when all he did was go to work that morning. It was about the life of a man who was loved and well respected.

Some will say we need to move on, get past it, get over it. Guess what? Grief is an odd and strange companion. I’ve been to counseling for grief. My best friend died a little over a year ago. I miss him every single day of my life. I talk about him all the time. I make references to things he did and said. Does that mean I haven’t moved on with my life? Of course not. It means I haven’t forgotten. I have not forgotten the wonderful person that he was. I have not forgotten how important he was too me. I can sometimes even still hear his voice.

So I look at those feelings of mine and I look at the victims who died on 9/11. Their family and friends are feeling similar emotions. They are missing their loved ones. They are missing the smiles, the laughs, the hugs, the tears, the physical appearance of their loved ones. Doesn’t mean they haven’t moved on with their lives.

I saw on 20/20 the other night a group of women started a “Widow’s Club” out of the tragedy of 9/11. 2 or 3 of them have remarried and one has moved to Italy to learn a different language and culture. They each still remember their spouse/husband. Each of them still cried while being interviewed. Doesn’t mean they haven’t moved on. Means they are honoring their loved one and remembering.

Many people can not watch shows or movies about 9/11/01. I went to see World Trade Center, the movie. I watch almost every special on the History Channel or A&E, during this time of year. I’ve done it the last few years and won’t stop now.

I watch this stuff so I won’t forget. And I don’t believe people will forget, whether they watch these shows or movies or not. We are different. We have different emotions, we have different opinions.

Live and let live. As long as my side of the street is clean and I do what I think is right FOR ME, I’m good. It doesn’t matter what others think of me. It’s none of my business.

One of my oldest and dearest friends was in NYC that day. She happened to be in Midtown (I think) and away from the financial district when it happened. It took days before she could get word to us that she was OK.

Four of my co-workers here in Vegas were in NYC that day. One was at the Pentagon. Two of the co-workers had gone to the top of the WTC the day before.

For me, remembering this day is a personal thing that I feel is right FOR ME. I don’t give a fuck what others think about me remembering 9/11 in the way I do. Just doesn’t matter.

A lot of things do not affect me. A lot of deaths do not affect me. Does it make the deaths any less important? No, it doesn’t. I CHOSE to do this tribute for the simple fact I wanted to remember the PERSON – not the violent way he died.