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Archive for November, 2006

Decorating, shopping and frustration

How do those three things go together? Well the decorating thing doesn’t really go with the other two. At all.

I’ve been going through the decorations tonight since I got home from my frustrating shopping trip. We went with dresses and shoes in mind. Dresses for a Christmas party, shoes to match.

We went to eat at Macayo’s first and had some of our favorite comfort food. After that, we headed on over to Dillard’s. I tried on quite a few outfits. First of all, I think Dillard’s makes things smaller than they tag em. I tried my regular size 10 in a dress. I had to go up two more sizes to find something that fucking fit me.

That’s not right. I know I’ve gained a little weight, but I did NOT go back up to my size 14. I fucking refuse to believe that. All of my clothes in my closet currently are size 8 or size 10. Size 10 for dresses, size 8 for everything else.

I was so dejected by the time we left the dress area of Dillard’s. My best friend didn’t have any luck either. We still went to the shoes area cause she needs some for work.

After that, we went over to her office and waited for her ex husband to bring two of her sons there.

I got home around 3:30 or so. I laid on the couch for a bit and then got up and started going through the decorations we have that I still need to put up.

My self image sucks right now cause that dress debacle at Dillard’s is really bugging me. I knew I had gained some weight, but damnit, not THAT much weight. Ya know?

GAH! I’m letting it bother me when I shouldn’t, I know. I need to just keep looking until I find something. I’m depressed over this and I’ll be over it by tomorrow. Hopefully.

Until next time….

FOAD Thursday and once again, maybe not.

OK, here we are. Another week has gone by and I don’t think I have a FOAD for you. I do know I got pissed off a few times throughout the week, but was it enough for the FOAD award?

I know that CSI pissed me off. I know that I got tired of watching Charmed and I hate daytime television.

I don’t think I have a FOAD. I’m sorry for being such a slacker. But, you have to realize, when you’re stuck at home 90% of your time, it’s hard for people to piss you off. Cause you don’t have any interaction with people.

I’ve thought about doing a Thursday Thirteen, just for shits and giggles. I don’t plan on linking to anyone else who does. This will be my first and last Thursday Thirteen AND it will kind of go into the things that annoy me.

13 Things That Annoy Me

1. Las Vegas drivers who believe they own the road, don’t use their turn signals and cut me off.

2. Daytime television. I’m tired of soap operas and I’m tired of Maury Povich and all those other “tabloid” type shows.

3. When someone mispronunciates Nevada and Mt. Potosi.

4. My procrastination. I have tons of shit to do. I can do a little at a time, but I tend to get lazy. Procrastinating is one of my defects of character.

5. Trying to think of 13 things that annoy me. LOL

6. Lack of energy. Yes, I know it will get better. Yes, it is getting better. No, it doesn’t help me when I get annoyed.

7. Politicians who close parks because they don’t like the homeless. Yeah, I know what they said and yeah, I know they are trying to say it’s cause of the crime in the area. I call bullshit on that.

8. People who are rude and mean just because they can be.

9. People who call me and do not leave messages. Yes, this is still an issue for me. People do it every day. Either on the home phone or my cell phone. Leave me a message damnit.

10. Men who think they hung the moon. Men who think that just cause they are my friend, I’m going to sleep with them when I get better and all healed up from the surgery. Fucking get over yourself.

11. Heroes, Daybreak and Jericho. Everytime those shows end, I’m left hanging until next week. That gets on my nerves.

12. NBC and ABC for taking Lost and Heroes off the air until fucking February. WTF? This Monday is the last episode of Heroes until February.

13. Shopping for a dress for the company Christmas party. I’m waiting on my best friend right now and we are going to be doing this. We didn’t go yesterday, so we are going today. GAH! Wish me luck!

I guess this could have been a FOAD.

Until next time….

Late night ramblings

My new bloggy friend Mollie over at My Walk With the Lord lost her friend yesterday. Niki lost her battle with cancer on November 28, 2006. Please go over to Mollie’s and wish her well. She’s in a lot of pain right now.

There seems to be a lot of death surrounding the blogosphere lately. I’ve read on several blogs about the loss of loved ones. Either family members, or like Mollie, friends.

It all makes me think of my friend Todd who passed away June of 2005. He had a massive heart attack. It was sudden and no one knew it was coming. It’s a loss nothing can ever replace.

I felt a lot of emotions during that time. For months I felt anger, loss, sadness, and I felt despondent. Todd was my best friend. He was my go to person whenever I needed someone. He was one of two friends I knew I could go too with anything. Didn’t matter what it was.

As Mollie said to her friend Niki, “I have no regrets,” I have no regrets when it comes to my relationship with Todd. He knew everything about me.

He taught me acceptance, he taught me how to love myself. He taught me the difference between being selfish and self caring.

At the time, I thought I would never be the same. And I was right. I changed when Todd died. I changed in ways I never knew possible. My emotions, my thoughts, my beliefs. Everything within me shifted. It was an evolution of sorts for me.

I think about him everyday. I talk to him almost as often. Some days I miss him so much I can hardly breathe. I also know that he is with me and he walks with me everywhere I go. I believe he lives in my heart and I will see him again one day.

I know this is a little on the more serious side, but I needed to express it. I also want to talk about something that happens to me quite often when I talk about Todd.

My friends in the RL tend to think that because I miss him all the time and talk about him all the time, I haven’t “moved on.” This is not true. I lost a part of myself when he died and I’ve worked very hard in surrounding that void in my heart ~ I haven’t succeeded yet. I believe the way I’ve dealt with his death and the grief journey I’ve been on is healthy and productive.

I don’t look back with any kind of regret when I think of him. I don’t think of the pain of the loss every single second when I think of him. When I think of him, I think of our good times. I remember our laughs, our hugs, our time watching men, going to movies and just generally hanging out and having fun.

OK, I’m done with my late night ramblings for now.

Until next time…

I have a complaint.

I have a beef with CSI. OK, I love this show. I want to premise this complaint with that statement.

I watch reruns of this show daily (almost as much as I watch Charmed). However, with this one, there are a fuckton of episodes I have NOT seen. I love the eye candy on this show. Stokes and Warrick are just so hot it makes me swoon. STFU.

Back to my complaint. CSI is based in Las Vegas. It is LOOSELY based on our crime scene analysts.

There are several rules of pronunciation of things here. Nevada is not pronounced NEH-VAW-DUH. Common spelling, common pronunciation (this is my big word of the day). NE-VA-DA. Also, Mt. Potosi is NOT pronounced POE-TOSS-E. It’s POE-TAH-SEE.

Does that make sense? Anyone who lives here, will agree with me. Unless they come from the movie industry. Movie makers, actors and TV shows incessantly pronounce it NEH-VAW-DUH. It fucking drives me up the wall.

Tonight is the first time I’ve heard them reference Mt. Potosi on this show and when Warrick said it the first time, I almost fell off my chair.

Say it correctly or don’t fucking say it at all! Kthnxbai!

Because I can

Boredom sets in.

I did it. I avoided watching Charmed this morning. And this afternoon? My best friend and I are going to Dillard’s to find our outfits for the Christmas party coming up on the 16th of December. That means I’ll avoid watching the episodes this afternoon as well. WOOT!

I watched Rachael Ray (did you doubt that I would do that?) and now I’m watching Jarhead. Jake Gylenhall(sp) and Jamie Foxx are so flipping hot in this movie. Jake really worked out for this part. Yummy.

I really don’t have much to talk about today. I’m feeling halfway decent. I still need to decorate and it’s fucking cold outside. It’s windy and from what the weather people say it feels like it’s 28 degrees outside. I’m not going anywhere until my best friend and I go shopping. Period.

Here’s my horoscope for Thanksgiving….I know, a week late…but whatever, you’ll get over it.

Thanksgiving Horoscope for Libra

You’re the sign most likely to upstage the host or hostess with your charm.

Your signature dish: Green bean casserole

Your signature dessert: Chocolate cake

This holiday: Make plans early and stick to them. It’s easy for you to change your mind.

we could think it through or just bitch about it

I think I’m Charmed out. Every weekday since I’ve been home, I’ve watched 2 episodes in the morning and 2 in the evening. The two in the morning have been from the first 3 seasons (with Prue) and the ones in the evening have been with Paige (seasons 4 and up).

Mom and I lugged in the Christmas decorations today. I’m going to slowly decorate the house for Christmas. I’m quite looking forward to being done.

I was feeling a little depressed today (cause I’m still feeling the no energy thing) and so I gave myself a little retail therapy. I went to Genesis bookstore this afternoon around 3pm. This bookstore specialty is books on recovery and spirituality.

I love it there. I bought a few gifts for my friends in Gambler’s Anonymous and a book for myself. It’s called 25 Words ~ How the Serenity Prayer Can Save Your Life. It breaks down the Serenity prayer in a way that I’ve never seen before. I’m looking forward to sitting down and reading it.

After my little shopping spree (I didn’t spend a lot by the way), I stopped at Taco Bell and then came home. Guess what I’m watching? You’re right, another episode of Charmed. It’s the 4th one of the day. I think I’ll find something else to watch tomorrow morning and evening. LOL

Have I mentioned I’ve cried in almost every one of these fricking episodes I’ve watched?

GAH, I need a life. I’m watching TV too much.

I’m watching the news now. So the City says the park I mentioned in a previous post will not be permanently closed. Just until they figure out how to get rid of the high crime in the area. Right.

I got my hospital bill. Let me just say I am very very grateful I have insurance. I may complain about my dental coverage, but damn my medical rocks my socks off. For my stay in Southern Hills Hospital (AND the use of the OR), I am paying less than $400.

Please note this does NOT include what I owe the doctor or the dude who put me to sleep – anaesthesiologist (no idea if that’s spelled correctly or not). So I’ll be coming out of pocket for a little more. The last time I had surgery, the anaestheisiologist guy got $150 from me.

I’m pretty jazzed my insurance is so good. It does make me remember those who don’t have insurance because I looked at the “real” total and almost had a heart attack. I could not even imagine not having insurance.

It’s going to get below freezing tonight in some parts of Southern Nevada. Hoooray for us.

Until next time….

the shadows still remain

Recently, the City of Las Vegas, tried to pass a law where it would be illegal to feed the homeless, unless they were in a designated shelter area (Salvation Army, etc). It didn’t pass.

There is a park near Maryland Parkway and Charleston called Circle Park, it’s just near the Huntridge Theatre. It’s stock full of homeless people. The Mayor and the City Council don’t like that. Since they couldn’t get that law passed, click here to see what they are doing instead. Fucking politicians.

On a lighter note, I was reading today and I found four great love habits to get into and stick to everyday. So if you’re in a relationship, try these and let me know how they work! HEH.

4 Great Love Habits to Pick Up Today

1. Tell each other “I love you” at least once a day.
It’s like smiling, says Thomas. “Even if you’re not feeling very loving, the mere act of saying you love your partner will create that feeling in you.”
2. Give each other check-the-mail time.
At the end of the day, each person needs 10 to 20 minutes of what Thomas calls “unwind time” – when you take off your coat, go to the bathroom, check the mail, turn on the news – before being handed the baby or told about the clogged sink. “If you deny each other that alone time, you’ll build up resentment that compromises the time you do spend together.”
3. Touch, touch, and touch.
“Touch is the gateway to sustaining a connection in a healthy sexual relationship,” says Patti Britton, a licensed sex therapist and author of The Art of Sex Coaching. Try a healing touch (rubbing your partner’s aching neck), an affectionate touch (a squeeze around the waist), or a sensual touch (running your fingers through his hair).
4. Let it go.
“Most of the things you fight about don’t matter a lot,” says Hamburg. So when you find yourself dueling over when the kids should eat or who should do the dishes, just flip a coin. Obviously, serious conflict should be dealt with on a more serious level, says Hamburg, “but most of the things couples fight about don’t matter a lot either way. Your kids will grow up healthy whether they eat now or later.” “Being right is the booby prize of life,” Page adds, “because in the end, you haven’t really won.” So let go and lighten up – you’ll both be happier for it.

Pink has a new video. It’s quite interesting. Kind of a cool song. She has a hottie for a husband, woooweeeee. OK, back to watching Charmed and being bored.

Until next time….

28 days later

Wasn’t that the name of a movie? Hmmmm

28 days ago right now, I was getting ready for surgery. The surgical nurse was coming into the pre-op area to put a little cap thing on my head and wheel me into surgery.

I can’t believe it’s been 28 days already. I’ve had a rocky 28 days, that’s for sure. I’ve gone from feeling fantastic to feeling crappy all within an hour (sometimes less time than that).

Currently today, I’m feeling OK. A little bloated and crampy, but I think that’s cause I did a fuckton of laundry yesterday. I did 3 loads of clothes, 4 loads of linens (sheets, towels, etc that had been piling up since before surgery). I accomplished quite a bit yesterday. I’m paying for it today.

I still feel pretty good, comparatively speaking. I won’t be complaining much about how I feel today.

3 weeks and one day ago, one of my best friends installed a doggy door for us. In the last 3 weeks, I’ve been training Josie on how to use it. She’s done awesome in coming inside, yet when going outside she would still need me or mom to coax her out the door.

This morning, as I was sitting here watching an episode of Charmed on TNT, I heard the doggy door. Confused, I got up and walked out to the windows in the little nook off the kitchen and there was Josie. Outside, doing her business. WOOT!!!!

She is now going in and out of the door without any assistance from me or Mom. This is an awesome thing! I trained a 6 year old dog how to use a doggy door!!! I need a brownie button and/or a pat on the back.

OK, now I need to get the energy to dust the coffee table and end tables in the living room so we can decorate for Christmas!

Until next time….

Let Go

OK, I meant to post this yesterday and forgot. I started playing solitaire on the computer and got distracted.

This list was on the wall next to the Twelve Steps of Insanity.

Let Go….
Author Unknown

* To Let Go does not mean to stop caring, it means I can’t do it for someone else

* To Let Go is not to cut myself off, it’s the realization that I can’t control another.

* To Let Go is not to enable, but to allow learning from natural consequences.

* To Let Go is to admit powerlessness, which means the outcome is not in my hands.

* To Let Go is not to try to change or blame another, it’s to make the most of myself.

* To Let Go is not to care for, but to care about.

* To Let Go is not to fix, but to be supportive.

* To Let Go is not to judge, but to allow another to be a human being.

* To Let Go is not to be int he middle arranging all the outcomes, but to allow others to effect their own destination.

* To Let Go is not to be protective, it’s to permit another to face reality.

* To Let Go is not to criticize, or regulate anyone, but to try to become what I dream I can be.

* To Let Go is to fear less and to love more.