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Archive for December, 2006

Happy, Merry Holidays/Christmas!


Or, if you don’t celebrate Christmas:


I’m getting ready to go to a friends house for some Italian eating and fun hanging out. I hope you all have a wonderful Christmas.

Christmas Eve and talking sex #2

Mom, forgive me for talking sex on Christmas Eve!

OK, also in this Glamour issue, there is a list of 30 things every woman should know about sex by the age of 30.

I’ll be putting comments after the thing I should have known 7 years ago. And I’ll let ya know whether I knew/know it or not. Considering I’m 37, I should know everything on this list already. WOOT!

1. There is nothing sexier than showing someone else what you want. It means that: (a) You are an eager participant; (b) you know your own body; and (c) you’re eager to help him get to know it too. Anyone worth sleeping with will find all of this incredibly hot. (OK I know this. And it does make the guys quite happy when I show them what I want)

2. But first, you have to know what you want. Which is why masturbating can be so educational. Fast or slow? Hard or soft? Vibrator or 8×10 head shot of Josh Duhamel? Practice makes perfect. (see #1)

3. Trying to finish at the same time is unrealistic—and too much pressure. Let that goal go; just make sure you don’t always come in a very distant second. (Amen to that. It’s rare and it’s way too much pressure trying to do that!)

4. In the early stages of a relationship, absolutely nothing said during sex counts. Especially if it involves marriage, babies or first-class seats to Barcelona. (That’s why it’s always best to just keep your mouth shut, unless your letting each other know how it’s feeling.)

5. Personal grooming is a pastime, not a profession. Manis, pedis, tanning, waxing…a girl could spend half her life preparing to undress with a guy. But when that moment comes, you can bet he won’t be measuring your leg stubble to the 1/24 of an inch. You’re a human woman with a real body and hair that grows. This is not a secret you need to keep from your partner. (Amen to that!!! Damn that grooming thing is stressful sometimes)

6. Your number is not a gauge of your worth. If validation is what you’re after, get it from work, get it from friends, get it from a good shrink. Don’t try to get it from lots of casual sex with lots of partners. (WOW! I learned this one a little late. But I did learn it before turning 30)

7. The key to a guaranteed orgasm: the reach-down/reach-around. There is a reason a woman needs 10 to 20 minutes to orgasm (if she gets there at all) by sex and only about four to orgasm by masturbation. When satisfaction is your primary sexual goal, you might want to reach down and take matters into your own hands—or have him reach around and do it for you. And no, this is not cheating. (Amen to that!)

8. It’s worth getting comfortable with all of him. It turns out testicles aren’t vestigial organs randomly placed near the penis, but sensitive body parts that crave their share of the action. Same with everything else in that general area. (Uh-huh. I knew this)

9. It’s OK to say yes to something you never thought you would. Your turn-ons and turnoffs can change—a lot. So what if being tied up sounded creepy before? Doesn’t mean you can’t be intrigued by the idea now. (Uh-huh I knew this too)

10. And it’s OK to say no, too. You’re not in the mood, you’re not into him, you’re not into, yikes, that. Doesn’t matter why—your body, your prerogative. (Amen)

11. Lube can save the night. Lube can save the night. If the spirit is willing but the body hasn’t gotten the message yet, break out the K-Y. Squirt some on the inside and outside of the condom and it’ll feel better for both of you. (I hate KY, and use something else, but this is a good piece of knowledge to have ladies!)

12. Dirty talk doesn’t have to mean swearing like a sailor. Try simply narrating what you’re doing or what you’re about to do, or asking him what he wants you to do. That can be much hotter than screaming out X-rated terms for genitalia. (Exactly)

13. Never go to bed without your sense of humor. Out-of-nowhere belch? Ill-timed visit from your beagle? Unavoidable wet spot? Don’t hide your face in mortification—sexual slapstick is a chance to practice go-with-the-flow confidence. Plus, you get a good story for your friends. (My sense of humor has saved several embarrassing moments)

14. An oldie but a goodie: Kegels, Kegels, Kegels. If you do them, you’ll not only have stronger orgasms, you’ll also never again pee when you laugh. (I knew they would be good for something)

15. Men need clear instructions. Even the most “experienced” partner will have trouble deciphering what you want solely from the noises you make. Especially if you’re making big, loud, I’m-having-a-great-time! noises when you’re not. If you want it harder, faster, slower, a little to the left—use your words! (letting him know yes or no that’s what you like or dislike is a HUGE turn on for him – at least in my experience it has been!)

16. A truly intimate connection does not always require moonlight, candles and mood music. Sex can be “special” even if it’s “slightly drunken,” “fast,” “sloppy” or “illegal in 10 states.” (Amen.)

17. He doesn’t expect you to act like a porn star. Would you expect him to rob an armored car, then escape in a Mini Cooper? Create a force field with his mind? Well, he doesn’t expect you to do that thing Lucy Lixxx does with her tongue. (Isn’t that a relief ladies?)

18. You don’t need “blow job technique.” This is not a skill you must read long magazine articles to master; for most men, the fact that you’re doing it at all is technique enough. How to make it more pleasant for you? Brush your teeth first. Everything will taste, ahem, fresher—and, bonus, he’ll enjoy a tingly sensation. (Don’t need one, but have one!)

19. Always have one thing that gets you in the mood—besides him. An erotic book, a hot fantasy…think of it as an exercise to keep your libido in shape. (Amen)

20. Making the first move: scary but worth it. We’re not talking about offering him a lap dance here. We’re talking about a little eye contact and giving him a smile. It’s so much easier than watching a delicious prospect walk right out the door. (I’m quite good at making the first move. It’s gotten me into trouble in the past too LOL but it does work!)

21. A change of scenery works wonders. Even the sexiest room—king-size bed, satin sheets, mood lighting—can get boring if you’ve had sex there 162 of the last 163 times. Sneaking away at a party for a quick one in the bathroom can jump-start your adventurous side. Just remember to lock the door. (Amen)

22. Protection is something you owe yourself. And reminding him to put on a condom doesn’t kill the mood. All it does is help prevent pregnancy and STDs. Period. (Exactly)

23. Into each sex life, a dry spell will fall. It doesn’t mean your relationship’s over. Sexual appetites ebb and flow, so look at every little-or-no-nookie stretch as a brief calm before the good kind of storm. (It happens, get over it and move on)

24. Sex in the shower? Overrated. It’s hard enough to keep your balance during standing-up sex; now you want to try it in a confined space that’s really slippery when wet? Think of joint showers as an opportunity for great foreplay rather than as the main event. If you must do it, bring along some long-lasting silicone lubricant that won’t wash away under the shower stream—and brace yourself! (Overrated? hmph.)

25. Morning-after shame is a waste of time. So you had a wild night or a happy hookup. All you did was…exactly what he did. If you’re hearing your mom’s voice (“Nice girls don’t do that”) or a chorus of mean girls (“She’s easy”) in your head, tell them to shut up! (Regret and shame the morning after is not good and never leads to anything positive)

26. You can settle down in life without settling down in the bedroom. A lot of young women harbor a tiny fear that monogamy and commitment are synonymous with infrequent, vanilla-flavored sex. No. No, no, no. When you really trust someone, you feel secure enough to be far less inhibited than you were during your swingin’ singles. (Amen)

27. You’re not freakish for wanting anal sex. Some of us don’t like it, but plenty of us do. Hey, you’ve got nerve endings galore back there! It’s not weird to want to go all the way or just have him explore the area with his fingers. And by the way, he’s not gay if he asks you to explore there too—he’s got the same nerve endings. (OK then)

28. Your wildest fantasies are often better than the reality. Ask anyone who’s ever wanted a three-way with her boyfriend and that hot woman at the bar and then gotten it. Sure, experiment; give new things a try, but don’t push way past your comfort zone. Sometimes the sex you have in your head—the kind that defies common sense, federal flight regulations, gravity—is best kept there. (Uh huh ain’t that the truth)

29. Any body is a “good body” in bed. Belly pooch? Droopy boobs? Who cares! If you insist on total darkness from foreplay on, or the one position that successfully hides your cellulite, there’s no way you can have no-holds-barred sex. A good man wants to sleep with, see and know the real you. (This is one I knew way before my 30’s)

30. If you think sex at 30 is good…just wait. Your teens and twenties are all about trial and error. Good boyfriend, bad sex; great sex, terrible boyfriend. But in your thirties, when you’ve finally figured out who and what you like, your sexual confidence booms. You’ll be reaping the rewards in bed for a long time to come. Enjoy them! (Since I’m over 30 I know this to be a 100% fact!)

It’s Christmas Eve and we’re talking sex!

I slept in a little bit today. I didn’t wake up until almost 8am. That’s REALLY sleeping in for me. It felt good. I’m now sitting here, waiting for Sunday football to start. Yeah, I know I have over an hour to go. LOL

I was reading the January issue of Glamour magazine and I found this interesting list. It lists 8 dumb things smart men believe about sex. I’ll be putting my comments right after the dumb thing.

1. The longer I keep at it, the more satisfied she’ll be. (yeah that’s pretty dumb LOL)

2. Women never want meaningless sex. (Good Lord. That’s such a myth! At least for me anyway. I’ve wanted TONS of meaningless sex in the past.)

3. Everything I need to know about sex, I can learn from porn. (Well that’s just stupid. Not just dumb.)

4. If I can’t get it up, the relationship’s doomed. (Happens to everyone at least once in their lifetime and if the woman is more than just a bitch, it’s not doomed.)

5. Oral sex is all about tongue speed. (Slow down Speedy Gonzalez, you’ll be surprised!)

6. Real men don’t make noise. (I don’t expect you to be as loud as I am, but damnit, make some noise! Let me know you’re enjoying it!)

7. Women want to be held for 13 hours postcoitus. (Fuck that. Depending on the situation, I don’t want to be held at all.)

8. Sex should be like an Olympic floor routine (HELLO!!! I’m not a gymnast and I’m not double jointed.)

Have you forgotten? I certainly have!

I went to a GA meeting tonight. This older lady sat next to me and as soon as she sat down I smelled something. I couldn’t put my finger on it, but it made me throw up in my mouth a little bit. As the meeting progressed and she finally shared, I finally realized what the smell was. Earlier in the evening, she had sauteed some onions, mushrooms and garlic.

Now, don’t get me wrong. I fucking love the smell of garlic. But onions and mushrooms? Fucking GAH!!!!!!!

My mom and brother always make fun of my picky eating habits. They’ve improved quite a bit over the years. There are still some things I just can’t stand to eat. Mushrooms and onions are two of those things.

It was a great meeting. I got to see my sponsor for the first time in a few weeks. While I was recovering from my surgery, she had some surgery of her own. So this was the first meeting in a few weeks where we were both up and on our feet. It was awesome to see her.

I was sitting here a few minutes ago thinking I should go to sleep. However, I went to bed at 9:30 last night and woke up at 630 this morning. I don’t want to wake up super early on Christmas Eve. I’d like to sleep in a little bit on this holiday weekend.

I also realized I forgot to go to Quest Diagnostics. Yeah, I was supposed to do that last week. FUCK! So I need to do it one day before work this week. There’s a 24 hour one down on the east side of town so I could do it super early before work. I have to do it before I eat something, so early morning is the best time I suppose. I can’t believe I forgot to go there.

Makes me wonder what else I’ve forgotten to do in the last several weeks, ya know? LOL I know I paid my bills, because mom mailed them for me today. I lost the stamps I bought when I was doing the Christmas card thing. I have no fricking idea where I put those.

I just noticed something. I drop the F bomb quite a bit. I say fuck, shit, ass and several variations of those words quite often. And yet, I just typed out the word fricking in that sentence there. That’s kind of funny.

OK, I’m going to go play some spider solitaire and listen to some country music videos.

Until next time….

Which Disney Princess are you?

I found this little quiz over at Noi’s place

You Are Mulan!

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Strong and spirited. You’re no one’s girly girl; actually you are very determined person with a strong sense of self. Never let go of that! The only thing that equals your sense of self is your family, but the traditions of society can always be bent to protect something or someone you love.


Which Disney Princess Are You?

Courage or brave one?

I have a tattoo on my right shoulder blade. When I got said tattoo in May of 2004, I wanted a Chinese symbol that said one of three things. Serenity, Courage or Wisdom (all three words from the Serenity Prayer). I went through the book at Electric Tattoo in Newport Beach on Balboa Blvd. I found the Chinese symbol for “Courage.” Or so we thought.

2 1/2 years later, while at the Christmas party for work (Dec 16th) at the Hilton, I was in line at the buffet so I could get my grub on. While standing there, I guess the strap of my blouse (I ended up NOT wearing the dress – long story there) slipped off my right shoulder. No biggie, I reached over and put it back in place.

In doing so, I hear this heavily accented voice say “So, brave one, you like Chinese symbols?” I turned and it was one of the Hilton workers. We proceeded to get into a conversation about my tattoo. It doesn’t mean courage. It means “brave one.” Which, to me, is basically the same thing, right? NOPE! Not per this guy, who was obviously Chinese and he was thrilled to see the tattoo on my shoulder.

It was quite interesting (and thrilling, I have to admit) to find out what my tattoo really meant. I was just happy it didn’t mean “fuck off” or some other F bomb phrase, ya know?

It’s so hard to say goodbye

I just got home from the party they had for us at work. I cried. They got me this beautiful crystal plaque type thing with a special message engraved on it. It’s awesome! I’ll try to take a picture of it later.

I have to go grocery shopping here in a few minutes but I wanted to come home first to drop off my goodies. I also got a bottle of Kendall Jackson Merlot (my fave kind of wine!)

Saw the Crush there. We did a lot of flirting and laughing. At one point he put his arms around me and kissed me (just a little peck on the lips) and hugged me. In front of everyone. OY. The rumors will fly after that! I find it incredibly difficult to concentrate around him, which is extremely disconcerting for me.

I had a great time at the party and there were a lot of people there to wish us well. I have four more working days at this place and I’m not really looking forward to my last day. I am just heartbroken over this transfer, but I’ve come to a level of acceptance where I know it has to happen.

Off to the grocery store now. Fun for me! Until next time…

Elvis has left the building or has he?

I went to the memorial service today for the lady I used to work with, Christina. It was a beautiful service. Christina loved all things purple, especially flowers. She also loved Elvis. During the service, the song Amazing Grace was played. It was the version by Elvis. Very fitting for her.

Today was my Friday at work. I packed up most of my office. It was a bit of a depressing day. From beginning to end. And it’s not even really at the end yet, but I’m home, in my PJ’s and getting ready to lay down on the couch to watch the news and then some CSI reruns on Spike.

I realized (thanks to Monique) that I have not updated everyone about The Crush. That would be the guy who kissed me last Friday. I did not see or talk to him until this past Tuesday (he is off on Sat/Sun/Mon). I don’t really know where it’s going, we’ve talked quite a bit. He has some stuff going on, that I need to stay out of.

We are incredibly attracted to each other and until he gets his “ducks” in a row, it won’t go any further than what happened last Friday.

We’ve talked several times the last few days about what happened Friday and about the drama going on in his life. They are throwing my boss and I a going away party tomorrow at the station, so I will see him again. And I’m sure we will talk more.

After my last fiasco of a semi-relationship with the asshat, I realized I needed to let things happen a little differently in my life. I have been doing the same thing over and over again, expecting different results. I never get them.

I promised myself I would take this “thing” with The Crush naturally. I’m leaving the ball completely in his court. When he’s ready and things are calmed down in his life, we’ll see what happens.

I have always been the aggressor in relationships. I have always made the first move. I am refusing to do that this time. He made the first move and we are now moving forward in this “thing” at his pace.

Patience has never been one of my virtues. I’m learning patience though. This is definitely a lesson for me! LOL

There’s the update and if anything happens tomorrow while I’m at the station, I’m sure I’ll blog about that too.

Until next time…

FOAD Thursday

OOOH It’s that day of the week where I get to tell you what/who has pissed me off in the last week. Instead of going into details about each person, place or thing that pissed in my wheaties, I’m going to list them.

Some will have details, some will just be short little sentences. And if you’ve been reading my blog in the last week, you’ll recognize some of these issues.

* Offices with no doors and are just little alcoves in a hallway.

* Las Vegas drivers. They don’t use turn signals, they cut you off and they are just generally rude fucktards.

* The snow that did NOT make it to my house the other day. It snowed on the east and southeast side of town. But not in my side. That pissed me off.

* Death of people I know directly or indirectly that impacts people in my life.

* The fact I’m having to pack up my office.

* The 12 pound weight gain while I was laid up from surgery for 6 weeks.

* Whiners and complainers and people who are mean just to be mean.

That’s it. For now. I may think of some more fun FOAD things later.

Until next time….

Wordless Wednesday

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This is an older picture of some storm clouds and rain being illuminated by the sun.