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Self analysis

I do a lot of self analysis. Right or wrong, it’s what I do. I have come to realize in the last month or so that I let my friend’s opinions and judgements of me form my own opinion and judgements of me.

So in the last month, I’ve been working on NOT letting that happen. I’m a good person and I like to have fun, no matter where I’m at or what’s happening around me. I’m happy with who I am and I love my life today.

It has been no secret that I’ve had an issue with men in my life. I’ve poached and I’ve done some one night stands and I’ve done some crazy shit. The only thing I don’t like about my past is that I poached. Poaching is when a woman goes after another woman’s man. I strive not to do that today and so far I’ve succeeded.

I’ve been single a long time and only date here and there. Most of my ‘dating’ has started out sexually and either ended or gone from there. Right or wrong? Who cares? I believe that as long as I’m doing what I feel is right for me, it shouldn’t matter how it starts. If it’s going to happen it’s going to happen the way it’s supposed to happen. Whether it starts out sexually or romantically.

Beginning a relationship of any kind, whether it turns serious or just remains Friends with Benefits, can be scary, exciting and a little intimidating. Especially when it just comes out of the blue.

I’ve noticed most of my FWB’s or any other kind of relationships have started with some flirting, hitting on each other, lots of rehtoric between the two. It has never started just out of the blue. Until recently, when I was at a party and hanging out with someone. We talked a lot and got to know each other quite well.

This person and I have known each other for almost 2 years. We never really got to know each other. We never flirted with each other, we never hit on each other. Needless to say, something has started between us. Where is it going? Who knows?

At this point, I’m enjoying the fact that there were no expectations and no preconceived notions of what was going to happen next. We never exchanged phone numbers the night of the party, so on Monday, I took it upon myself to let the bold portion of my personality shine through. I went to where he works and left my phone number in his mailbox.

I figured he would either call immediately, or when he returned from working at the River Run. I really didn’t expect anything from it because I knew we were both still “reeling” from the fact neither one of us saw this coming.

I got a phone call yesterday afternoon and it was him. He let me know he had received my note and we talked for about 25 minutes. He said he will call me this week if he gets a chance while down in Laughlin or will call me when he returns to Vegas.

Seriously. Nobody saw this one coming. Nobody would have ever expected this to happen. But it did and it has. So what do I do with this? I let it occur the way it’s going to occur. I take no control over any of this situation. It’s going to happen naturally and the way it’s supposed too. It is what it is and I’m ready to go with the flow of it.

And of course, one or two of my friends I have talked too have grilled me and want me to grill him for more deeper information. OK, kids. It’s a little early in this “relationship” to be fucking grilling someone. I’ll find out information as we go along. If something pops up that makes me uncomfortable, I will back off.

One or two of these friends have also fussed at me for having a one night stand. Who are they to judge me for that? I’m single. I don’t have anything to lose and I like sex. Awwww I get it. Men are allowed to do that, but I’m not allowed cause I’m a girl. That whole double standard comes to the forefront. Fuck that. People can think whatever they want to think about me or this situation. I’m enjoying it and I have no regrets, no guilt.

OK, once again, I open my diary for all of you to read. Take what you like and leave the rest!

Until next time…

5 Responses to “Self analysis”

  • tori says:

    OUCH… I didn’t know it had a name… “poaching”… :sigh: unfortunately it seems you & I have a lot more in common than I ever expected to admit.

    anyway… I wish you the best of luck with this new/old guy… I’ll keep my parts crossed for ya!

  • Chio says:

    I totally get you girl,

    I’ve had sexually-started “relationships” (if I can even call them that) and I think out of all they’re probably the scariest kind.

    And well as for the out of the blue thing, I think just going with the flow works… At least you can save yourself the stress…

    Finally, FUCK EVERYBODY! I did the one night stand thing too, and to this day no one knows (well I guess you do know) because people are harsh when it comes to girls being “easy” seriously. FUCK ‘EM I like sex too and excuse me after al most a year of being single if you find a hot english man in a beack you grab him! lol

    Take care

    Chio

  • monique says:

    As long as you’re safe and you’re comfortable with the encounter, who cares if it’s a one-nighter or develops into something more?!?!

    I’m keeping my fingers crossed for you!!!!

  • Fantastagirl says:

    I say don’t grill him and as long as you are safe and okay with the situation – then who cares, you are an adult, your are single – do what is best for you!

    Keeping my fingers crossed as well!

  • Sodapop says:

    Tori, I never knew it was called poaching until recently when I heard it on the radio and I felt it was fitting. Thanks for keeping things crossed for me!

    Chio, exactly what I was thinking :) thanks!

    Monique, I was very safe and very OK with the encounter. I’m keeping things crossed as well! thanks :)

    Fantastagirl, I sure wish my “real life” friends were as accepting as all my blogging/online friends. Sure would make my life simpler haha thanks :)