The Soda Stand

Archive for June, 2007

The primary purpose of Gambler’s Anonymous is freedom from compulsive gambling; without that freedom, we have nothing

Quote taken from Gambler’s Anonymous A Day at A Time book.

Gambling, for the compulsive gambler, is defined as follows: Any betting or wagering, for self or others, whether for money or not, no matter how slight or insignificant, where the outcome is uncertain or depends upon chance or “skill” constitutes gambling

Quote taken from the Gambler’s Anonymous “yellow” booklet given to all members their first day.

I sought my soul,
But could not see
I sought my God
But he eluded me,
I sought my brothers and sisters,
And found all three

A poem written anonymously for the inside cover of the “yellow” booklet I received when I joined GA.

As you can see, my post is mainly about recovery and some of the literature I have to help me along the path I have chosen. On page 9 of the “combo” book (the yellow one), there is a question How does someone stop gambling through the Gambler’s Anonymous program?

One does this through bringing about a progressive character change within oneself. This can be accomplished by having faith in -and following – the basic concepts of the GA Recovery and Unity Steps. There are no short cuts in gaining this faith and understanding. To recover from one of the most baffling, insidious, compulsive addictions will require diligent effort. HONESTY, OPENMINDEDNESS AND WILLINGNESS are the key words in our recovery

Basically, what this tells me is that I have to be honest to remain in the program. I didn’t have to be honest to get there, I just had to become honest to stay there. If I’m not open minded about the ideals and recovery steps of the program, it won’t work. I need to remain teachable so that I can learn to listen and listen to learn. I also have to be willing to take the steps it will take to improve my life. I have to be willing to take suggestions from other members. I have to be willing to do the foot work and make something happen.

6 years ago, I was at a loss. I didn’t know who I was, I didn’t know what I want (sometimes I still don’t know what I want.) and I was a lost soul. July 30th, 2001 changed my life forever.

It’s only through the Grace of God I’m here today means much more than just the words. God graced me with the gift of a second chance. He graced me with gifts I never thought possible and never thought I was worthy of. The program saved my life and through the Grace of God, I learn how to keep it growing and getting better everyday.

Thanks for letting me share

One of the things I learned on my latest vacation is that I do NOT like to drive by myself. It’s long, boring and I get sleepy. I stopped several times on my way down to San Diego to walk around the car and stretch to wake myself up. I did the same on my way back.

My first day there, I got to town before Lockheed got off work, so I went to Seaport Village and walked around a bit. I didn’t do any shopping, other than window shopping. I did, however, take lots of pictures.

I’m currently downloading them onto my Flickr badge. I took a total of 261 pictures while I was down there. Sounds like a lot, right? I guess it is for someone who doesn’t LOVE to take photos the way I do. That camera is the bomb. And my friend KP lent me that 75-300mm lens, so I got some great shots of stuff.

Anyway! After Seaport Village, I headed up to Lock’s and sat my ass on his door step until he got home from work. He then made us some cheeseburgers for dinner. Yum. Oh, and of course we had some Pacifico beers. We started watching the first POTC and passed out on the couch LOL.

The next day was my “free” day. I decided to take a day trip up to San Clemente and Dana Point. I had a great time, just driving and looking at the scenery. I stopped at a rest stop somewhere near Oceanside (the freeway I was on cut right through Camp Pendleton and that’s where I stopped). I took some pictures from there and kept going after using the bathroom.

While in San Clemente, I took another fuckton of pictures while on the beach and the pier. I sat on the beach for awhile and took shots from that level of the waves crashing. Awesome thing. I did some meditating and then headed to my car.

In Dana Point, I did some shopping (just a tank top that says Save the TaTas LOL and a little sweater jacket). I took some pictures there of the boats docked and then headed to my car.

When I got back to Lock’s, it was about 1 or 2 in the afternoon and I decided I wanted to go to the beach. I put on my swimsuit and headed down to Pacific Beach. It was crowded, the parking sucked and I was lonely. It’s not the same going to the beach without friends. Unless I’m there to just take pictures (Like in San Clemente). I headed back to my car and decided to just go back to the condo and take a nap.

I got back and started reading my book and watching Charmed. I didn’t nap, but that’s OK. Lock got home later in the afternoon/early evening and we had some Chili flavored hamburger helper for dinner. And of course, some more Pacifico beer.

Thursday came and this is the day I was looking forward too. I was going to the Sheriff’s Office “recruiting event” and I was quite excited to see what they had to offer. You can read about the “recruiting event” in my previous post from Thursday. What a joke that was.

Thursday evening, I went to meet Lock and his co-workers at a little brewery called Karl Strauss in the complex that their office is located. This was at about 4:30/5:00. One of the guys there, seems to know everyone and when he heard what happened at the “recruiting event” he told me to get him my resume’ and he’d make sure it got into the right hands. He seems to be friends with the Undersheriff down there and he’s going to let him know what happened. He’s also going to help me get it into the hands of a few people in the private sector.

After that, Lock and I went back to his condo and we watched Firefly. I had seen the movie Serenity, but never the TV series. I loved it. We watched one episode Thursday night and then another 2 episodes Friday night after the baseball game.

Friday was another “free” day wherein I had nothing planned until later. I headed down to Mission Valley, as this is the area I would like to live in when I move there. I drove around a bit, got myself lost (on purpose) and found where I was within about 10 minutes. I saw some GREAT apartments down there. I picked up an Apartment Guide magazine from one of the 7-11’s there.

I went to the Westfield Shopping Center there in MV, trying desperately to avoid Fashion Valley Mall (I did good – I avoided the place). I went and did quite a bit of shopping while at WSC. I love that little shopping center. OK, it’s not so little. It has a Nordstrom Rack, Loehmann’s (this is who provides smartbargains.com with all their clothes – which is where I get most of my work suits). I bought 2 pairs of capris, 2 pairs of shorts and two blouses from Nordstrom’s Rack and then went over to Bath and Body Works.

I made it back to Lock’s with plenty of time to spare to get ready for the game. I logged on and found out about the Puppy Monster and was heartbroken. When I donated for the graphics, I accidentally used Lock’s paypal account. I’m so used to having my information already plugged in when I go to PP, I didn’t even think it wasn’t my computer I was doing this from. OOOOPS. Lock called me and asked me about the purchase. I felt so stupid. It gave me a bit of a laugh through my tears.

We went to the baseball game and got to watch the Padres play fairly well, yet still lose to the Red Coats. I mean the Red Sox. We were in a section of Petco Park where we could see right into downtown San Diego. It was an awesome view. I got lots of pictures from there too, still downloading – be patient, would ya?

Saturday as the trip home and that was pretty uneventful, except for how many times I had to stop to pee. Then again, it was a 5 hour drive, so stopping 4 times in 5.5 hours was not a bad thing. I stopped near Lake Elsinore and couldn’t find a bathroom, so I kept going until I could. I actually ended up stopping at a Target in Corona to use the bathroom. By the time I made it to this Target, I was dying. My bladder ready to burst.

Here’s my thing, I do NOT like to stop unless it’s well populated and a store or gas station I’ve heard of is present. Especially when I’m traveling alone, ya know?

After the stop in Corona, I stopped three more times. I drank quite a bit of water on the way home, so this could have contributed. Who knows, who cares?

After I got back into Vegas, I went and picked up Chloe from my friend’s house and came home. It was nice to be home. I unpacked (sort of) and separated my laundry to get it ready for today’s marathon laundry day. I then did a whole lot of nothing but eat some pizza, french fries later in the evening and I drank more water and had a dr. pepper.

OK, so that’s it. Today I’m going to go to the gym as soon as I get off my lazy ass and get ready. Then I’ll do some laundry and get ready for the work week to start tomorrow. *sigh* I’m really not looking forward to going back to work, but I must.

Hope everyone’s had a fairly decent weekend.

Until next time…..

WOWEEEE! At least I didn’t get a G rating heehee. I found this little “rating” over at Lucy’s Dilemma

And now it’s time for sleep.

Dawg, still thinking about you and sending you lots of love my friend.

Until next time….

Every now and then, something amazes me. I could be in the worst mood ever, not feeling good, being bitchy, whatever, and that ONE thing will pop up and slap me in the face.

It amazes me, it restores my faith in humanity. Ever since Avitable posted this, the out pouring of love and compassion has been astounding.

Avitable did a Vlog for an update on the sale of the graphics, which all proceeds will go to NYC Watchdog to help with some of his expenses while he’s away from work. At last count, it was over $1600 dollars that has been collected so far.

How amazing is that? The blogging community is an awesome thing. I love the friendships we’ve cultivated and nurtured over the last year and a half that I’ve been blogging.

I don’t have much else to talk about. I’ll post about my vacation at a later time.

Until next time…

Someone once told me that love transcends death. Is this possible? Does our love for someone else grow beyond their passing? How do we heal? How do we deal with all the pain and suffering we are faced with? Do we trudge on through and just pretend nothing happened? Do we talk about how we are feeling, even knowing that our emotions are so raw and exposed, it may not make sense?

Yesterday, a tragedy struck one of my favorite bloggers (fuck that, one of my favorite people). He is going through something no parent should ever have to go through and yet, thousands go through it all the time. My sponsor in GA went through it when her son was murdered.

My heart is just breaking. What do you say at a time like this? What do you NOT say at a time like this? I found when my best friend died, the words “It’ll be OK” seemed shallow and useless. Because seriously, it was NOT OK and it was not going to be OK.

My heart is breaking for the loss he is suffering. How do you comfort that? How do you heal that? Does time heal all wounds? No. I believe love does. I think with time, it gets a little easier and not as devastating (I’m only speaking for myself and my grief journey I went on and sometimes still am on). With love, the wound grows a scar around it and every now and then, the scar gets scratched and it bleeds again. I’ve let the scar tissue build up and every now and then, something makes me think of Todd or something we had planned to do and the scar gets scratched. It then bleeds for a few minutes until it scars up again.

I have no idea if this post makes sense, and really don’t care. I needed to talk about it and I needed to ask all of you to pray for the Watchdog. Keep him and his family in your prayers. I hope and pray that he and his family journey through this grieving process in their own way and heal in their own time.

Dawg, my thoughts are with you and yours right now. If you just need to scream and holler and rant, you know where to find me.

Also, on a side note to those of you who would like too. We are collecting money for any expenses the Dawg will have during this time of need. Avitable has set something up, so please visit and give what you can. If you can’t give $, go to the Dawg’s website and give him some love.

Until next time…..

Since it is Thursday, I couldn’t think of a finer day for this shit to happen.

The SO’s “recruiting event” that I had found online was being held at the Del Mar Fairgrounds. I figured, well it’s a Racetrack and don’t all racetracks have fairgrounds? (DUH). I do the mapquest thing and figure out how to get there. Luckily for me, I drove up that way yesterday when I took my day trip up to San Clemente and Dana Point, so I knew where I was going this time.

I get there and what do you know, it’s the San Diego County Fair going on. OH FUCK! is my first reaction. So I pay my 9 fucking dollars for parking (this was at 10:30 am). I park and have to take a tram into the fair area cause it was a hike.

I get to the front gate – tickets to get IN to the fair cost 12 dollars. UGH. I ask someone before buying, if the SO’s stand/booth was inside and they gave me directions on how to get there. I pay for my 12 dollar ticket – which I’m not really even going to use cause I’m not there for the fair. Thank God I wore jeans and a t-shirt.

I start walking towards the in-field area – where their booth is located. I get there and there are two really nice ladies behind the booth. They were both Crime Prevention Specialists (something for me to look into!!)

Unfortunately, the people manning the booth yesterday did not leave them anything in the recruiting way, so they had nothing for me. They explained to me about the website and how I can my name on a list or two for certain positions and maybe just get my foot in the door.

One of them mentioned that once I got my foot in the door – with my previous experience, I’d be able to test for higher positions pretty fast because they require a certain amount of years – but not necessarily with the SDSO.

I was irritated, so I walked around the fair a bit and then left and got back to Lockheed’s at about 1:30. Here I sit. Going to take a nap now cause we have happy hour with his co-workers in about 3 hours.

Until next time….

Today is the recruiting event up in Del Mar. I have the Mapquest directions, my business clothes and I’m ready to go! WOOT.

Today is also the job fair and I’ve got the directions to that too! I’m doing the Sheriff’s Office recruiting event first though, because I’d really like to remain in civil service. If nothing else, than for the benefits and the security of the job.

I’d love to have a private sector job that would be secure for the next 20 years. However, being the realist that I am, I know that would probably not be plausible. I’ll keep my options open though and I’ll entertain the idea of ANY sector when I get down there.

Tonight, Lockheed has a “happy hour” with people from work and so we will be going to that. I will get to meet some locals and some of his co-workers. That will be fun, I’ll report on all of the happenings later.

Since today is the recruiting event and job fair, I may post again later from Lock’s computer – just to update everyone on how things are going.

Until next time….

Right now, I’m probably somewhere in San Diego enjoying the perfect weather. I’m post dating some posts, just so this place doesn’t collect dust while I’m gone.

I’ll have access to a computer at Lockheed’s house, however, I’ll probably be too busy enjoying myself to really update this place.

Today is the day I go up to San Clemente for the day. I’m just going to mosey(is that really a fucking word) up the I-5 with my Canon Rebel XTi and enjoy the scenery.

I’ll walk along the pier, maybe eat at that little restaurant we all eat at when we go down there in August.

I’m sure I’ll do some shopping along their little main street of shopping. Love those little shops. I bought a bottle of wine once down there. They have this GREAT little store that sells cheese, cookbooks and every wine you could think of (at least, every wine I could think of).

I hope you’re all have a great day.

Until next time…

Over on Facebook, I have a “Daily Motivational Quote” on my page. Yesterday’s was a Swedish Proverb and I’d like to share it with you:

Fear less, hope more; Whine less, breathe more; Talk less, say more; Hate less, love more; And all good things are yours

I absolutely love that saying. It’s so true. I’ve noticed the more I push away my fear of things, and deal with it, the more hopeful (and happier) I become.

I was also wondering if it’s sacrilege to have a Daily Bible Verse on my page almost right next to my daily South Park and Dane Cook quotes. Hmmmm Maybe I should move shit around? What do you think?

I’m sitting here, relaxing and drinking my coffee. The girls did NOT let me sleep, that’s why I was awake at 6 fucking 30 today. I’ll be slowly getting all my stuff together to get outta dodge.

My friends who will be watching Chloe have told me to just bring her food, some chews and toys and some puppy pads. They said they won’t need the crate/kennel. They are going to spoil this girl rotten!!!!!

OK, going to go finish my coffee, find some food and play with my camera. One of my BFF’s lent me a 300x zoom lens for my nifty Canon Rebel. WOOOOOT! I can’t wait to try that puppy out!

I think is my shortest post in quite awhile. WOW! I must really be excited to get outta town cause I didn’t ramble. LOL

Until next time….

My brother tagged me with a meme!!!! Oh the horror!

8 things you don’t know about me (this should be fun)

1. I’m extremely self conscious about certain things. Especially the next one.

2. I hate my feet. I hate my toenails, I hate the size of my feet and I hate the shapes of my toes.

3. My favorite music band of all time is Duran Duran.

4. I love to do crosswords when I’m on a plane or on vacation and just sitting around. I like to have some coffee and sit there penciling in the answers.

5. My favorite book of all time is Angels and Demons by Dan Brown

6. I get along with more co-workers than I let on when I bitch about them here on my blog. There are about 10 of them that I really like.

7. My favorite meal of all time (as of today) is a gyro made with real lamb meat at a little diner in Denver. My cousin Amy took me there.

8. (taking this idea from my brother). If I had to do it all over again, I’d be a psychologist and peer counselor for addicts in recovery.

Now, I’m supposed to tag a few people, so I’m going to tag Laci, Mr. Fab and Monique