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Who knew?

There’s a song by Pink called Who Knew. It’s off of her 2006 album. It’s such a great song. I love the lyrics and it makes me think of Todd. I know the song is more based on a significant other passing away, but it still makes me think of my best friend.

There’s a line in there, I wish I could touch you again; I wish I could still call you friend; I’d give anything This line just makes me think of all the things I would have given to have him back. When he first passed, I was just devastated. I didn’t know what to do. For a while there, I forgot how to breathe. I forgot how to live and I forgot what it meant to be happy. I’ve changed quite a bit since his death. Some good and some bad. All I know is that my life has to go on.

He would be so proud of me right now for making the decision to follow my heart. We used to sit and talk about relocating all the time. He knew how I felt about Las Vegas. He knew I wanted out. Who knew I’d have to live without him?

There’s another part that just makes me tear up everytime I hear the song. I’ll keep you locked in my head; Until we meet again; Until we meet again; And I won’t forget you my friend

I’ve learned to live with the loss, but it still gets me. Some days I feel like it was just yesterday and I am amazed that it’s been a little over two years. I’ll never get over it. It will never get better. It will just get “different.” And I’ve learned to live with that and accept it.

Do I like it? Fuck no. Do I wish I could turn back the hands of time? Sometimes, yes I do. For now, I take comfort in the fact that he was my friend and I take comfort in the fact I will see him again someday.

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