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Archive for January, 2008

Soothing the soul

It’s amazing how hot chocolate can make me feel better after a few sips.  Even when I burn my tongue, like I almost always do, it soothes me and makes me feel comforted.

I worked most of the afternoon on the manual and some data entry stuff I had to do.  I’m meeting the Boss Lady tomorrow at around 2pm to go over what I have and get my 2nd paycheck!

There is a mini conference in Lexington this weekend.  Much like the one I’m helping plan for here in the Ville in June.   A few people had invited me to ride with them and at the time they asked, I said yes.  Well in the last week I had changed my mind because it’s like $30 for the day of the conference.  And I just can’t justify that expense. 

I received a phone call today from the person who is going to be driving, we’ll call him JC.  JC tells me that they still want me to go, they understand my situation and the three people I’ll be riding with are pitching in to cover my expense for the conference.  There will be free food and drink there, so I won’t starve to death.   I’ll be meeting them Saturday morning at 7:30 a.m. and will be in Lexington all day for that conference.

I started crying while I was on the phone with JC.  It was just so nice and he wants me to bring copies of my resume with me that morning so they can “shake the bushes” of people they know to see what they can dig up for me.  It made me feel very good knowing these people, who barely know me, are willing to help me out this way.   I love the GA fellowship for exactly this reason.  When a fellow member is hurting and going through trouble, they stand up and help that member stand up and do what needs to be done.  I PPH them.

I’ve been feeling very blah and unmotivated today.  I hate it when I get like this.  Even with my medication I still get a little depressed.  I have another doctor’s appointment on the 7th and I may ask her about a different medication.   It’s been almost a month since I’ve been on this one and I just don’t think I should be getting as down as I have been.  But then again, it could also be my situation that upsets me and that gets me down quite easily.   I do have to say that since I’ve been back on the meds, I have felt TONS better and I don’t stay within that void of depression like I did before being on the meds.

Logically, I know that I’m not a failure.  I know that I am courageous and strong and brave.  Logically, I know that I did something some people can only dream about and I’ve survived 4 months on barely any income (paid posts don’t pay much, ya know).   I’ve moved cross country.  I’ve ventured out and spread my wings away from family and friends.  I have NEVER in my life lived further than 10 miles away from my mother in my entire life.  Except when I spent 3 weeks in the Navy, which is a completely different story for a different day.

Emotionally, I’m a wreck.  I feel like a failure and I feel like I’m a wimp and a baby.  Emotionally I feel lost and unsettled.   Emotionally I feel like there is no way out of this. 

These feelings and emotions, are the reason I’m continuing my fight to make it work here.  I’m still sending my resume out (I sent it out 3 times today to different places – Humana, Norton Healthcare and a 3rd employment agency.)   I’m not giving up.  I won’t give up.  

I committed to myself to stick it out here for a year, and that’s what I’m going to do.  Whether I get a job I like or not.   Whether I get a day shift, weekends off job or not, I’m sticking it out.   I committed to it, I’m doing it.   I will work at Kohl’s or some other department store for as long as I have too, if need be.   I’m giving my resume out there 2 more weeks and then I’m going hunting in the malls.

Until next time….

All of my fears for you to see

I woke up this morning all congested and my throat is sore. I don’t want to get sick AGAIN. I drank some Airborne as soon as I woke up and used my Zicam nose spray. I’m going to be taking my vitamins as soon as I eat something.

This is a VERY long post, so I’m cutting it, in case you don’t want to read all the inner fears and thoughts of this crazy person.

I was talking to my BFF last night and ranting about the job situation and flippantly said at least I knew I could get a job in Vegas and maybe I’d just go back and sleep on her couch. In the next 15 minutes, she had volunteered a few of our friends and her boyfriend to fly out here, pack a U-haul truck and drive me back to Vegas. I had to stop her several times and tell her that’s not what I want. I don’t want to go back to Vegas. If I ever do return there, I want it to be because I WANT to move back there, not because I have no other choice. However, knowing that safety net is there is comforting in a way.

Read the rest of this entry »

I’ve been given a Mwah!

PhotobucketI have been honored, by my great friend Miss Lucy. The Mwah! award is a sweet kiss given to say thank you for friendships and comments in the blogosphere, started by Jenn in Holland.

Miss Lucy and I met online about a year and a half ago and developed a great friendship.   And then we met face to face here in the Ville in August of 2007.   We have been very close ever since.   Miss Lucy is one of those people I know that if I need someone to cover my back at any given moment, she would do it for me.   She is always there for me and always supports me.  Thank you for that, Miss Lucy.

Being Mwah!’d on my 2 year blogging anniversary is awesome!  Now I need to tag a few friends of my own to let them know I PPH them.  Miss Monique and Miss Laci, of course!  I’d like to send it BACK to Miss Lucy and a few other people I’m going to tag:

Mr. Fabulous

JLynn

Vicious_Vikki

Kentucky Girl

Tense Teacher

There you have it!  Now they have to go lay this Mwah! on some other people to show the love.

Until next time….

Terrible twos are here!

My very first post here at the Soda Stand. A lot has happened in the last two years since I made the move to WordPress and The Soda Stand. I had started blogging on January 8, 2006 over on Blogsource, which was a free blogging service. It no longer exists, so I can’t link to that first blog of mine. Sad really.

I was going to go back and link to at least one post per month in the last two years. Do you KNOW how long that would fucking take me? I’m entirely too lazy to do that! So you’re going to get my bucket list. What I want to do before I kick the bucket. I’ve seen several lists throughout the blogosphere recently and I don’t mind copying their idea. I’m not ashamed to do that.

  • Become financially stable and pay off all my debtors
  • Travel often to New York City
  • Go to Italy and stay a few weeks in the Tuscany area
  • Go to Greece
  • Go to Scotland, Ireland, England and Wales
  • Go to France
  • Go to Thailand
  • Go to Japan
  • Go to the Caribbean
  • Stay a week in Hawaii on Oahu and visit the Pearl Harbor Memorial
  • Put my blog posts in book form (got that idea from Miss Monique)
  • Visit Canada – British Columbia, Sasketchewan and Ontario (and any other I forgot where my bloggy friends live)
  • Be a home owner again (condo, townhouse or patio home only. No REAL house – don’t want the yard work)
  • Write a book about my recovery journey that I have been on since July 30, 2001
  • Learn more about digital photography and do a photo book of some of the pictures I’ve already taken
  • Find a stable, happy, healthy relationship with the man of my dreams
  • Be successful (not necessarily monetarily) in whatever I do career wise

I’m sure there is more I want to do before I die, I’m just not thinking of it right now. A lot of things I’ve already done, such as move out of Las Vegas and start over.

In the last two years, I’ve watched myself grow, learn and become more stable and more comfortable with who I am. I’ve made some tremendous changes in my life, like moving cross country from Las Vegas to Kentucky. I’ve seen places and things I could only dream about.

What a blessed life I have had and I’m honored I’ve been able to share the last two years with people like you. Thank you for being loyal readers of The Soda Stand and thank you for some of the best friendships a girl could ever dream of having.

Until next time….

I am in shock!

As you all know, it’s tax time here in the states.   I received the W-2 from my job in Vegas last week and yesterday, I received the 1099-R from my cash out of the money I had.  After adding up the total, I figured there was NO way I’d be getting a refund.  I just KNEW I’d have to pay the IRS something.

I sat down tonight, with my tax booklet in hand along with the W-2 and 1099-R.  As I was going through the forms and filling in the boxes, I realized I could deduct all my medical and/or dental expenses, my union dues AND my moving expenses.  The dental expenses and union dues did not come to a total that would help me out, so I used the generic amount they give you to use on the form.

The moving expenses were a totally different story.   I was able to deduct the cost of the movers and the traveling expenses (hotel stays, gas costs, but not meals).  This total, unlike the other total, helped me IMMENSELY!!!!  I do NOT owe the IRS a penny.  In fact, I’ll be getting a small return.  It’s not much, but it will pay a car payment at the least. 

I’m going to double check the numbers and figures tomorrow after I get a good night’s sleep tonight.  Just to make sure.   I don’t want the IRS hounding me or hunting me down for some stupid mathematical (and we all know how GREAT at math I am /sarcasm) error, ya know?

This makes me feel really good.  Here I was, expecting the worst and it didn’t turn out that way.  What a nice little surprise that is.

Until next time….

pee ess  The wind sucks ass here!!!!  It is shaking the whole building!  YUCK! 

Done

I did it!  I finished the first draft of the Emergency Procedures manual I was working on.  I finished it a little earlier and so I’m taking a 5  minute break and then I’m going to finish preparing drafts for the other 3 buildings.

I’m supposed to meet Boss Lady at the fourth building they manage tomorrow.  I forgot what time I’m supposed to meet her.  Ugh.   I’ll have to call her in a little bit to find out.

I have been miserable all day.  I feel pukey and I’m still having that same problem as earlier (but not as often, thank God.)  I was starting to feel better and then I made some chicken soup.  And then I got worse again.   Once I’m done preparing these drafts, I’m going to lay on the couch the rest of the night.  Oh, and after I call Boss Lady to find out what time I’m supposed to meet her tomorrow.

I’m still stressing over the job thing.  I’m just trying not to focus on the bad.  I am attempting to focus on the positive and currently I don’t have much positive thinking going on in my head.   I’m working on it though.

It’s been raining all day long.  As beautiful as it was to listen to it as I lay in bed earlier, it sucks now.  It’s depressing.  Seriously.  It’s supposed to get cold tonight, down to the single digits.  I’m sure it’s not as cold as it is in other places around the world, but damn it’s going to be cold!

Off to finish working on those drafts so I can do a whole lot of nothing the rest of the evening.

Until next time…

Waking up to the sound of rain

I woke up at 8:30 this morning, after a fitful sleep that didn’t leave me feeling well rested.  The rain on the roof of the building was quite pleasing to me and I laid in bed a few extra seconds to listen to it.

And then something started grumbling in my tummy region and I had to go running to the bathroom.  Which, BTW, ruined that peaceful, listening to the rain moment.  I have since returned to the bathroom 3 times.  I do believe the Big D is trying to kill me today. 

After the GA meeting last night, two members and I went to Ruby Tuesday for some fellowship and to break bread.   I had the spinach artichoke dip and a dr pepper (actually Mr. Pibb).  It was tasty.  The company was great and I had a very good time.  I think I’m paying for that dip today though.  Which sucks.   I’m feeling pukey and of course I already mentioned my other problem.

I’m working from home again today, so that will make it a little more convenient getting to the bathroom and what not.

A few of the members last night asked me to email them or get them my resume today, so I’ll be doing that too.  Of course I didn’t get a response from the recruiter after I emailed her and basically demanded she put me in for that one Admin job.  LOL

I’m just sitting here trying to wake up enough to where I can work on the manual and get something done with it.  I’m glad I don’t have any time constraints today cause I’m feeling like ass.

Until next time….

I knew this day was coming…

When I moved here, I walked away from my old job with enough money to pay all of my bills for 5 months without having to have a job. Since I’ve been here, I’ve been job hunting almost nonstop because I just hate this unemployment thing. I had budgeted and figured out that I would be good financially until the end of February.

What I did NOT account for would be the fact I have NOT been able to find a job. I never imagined I would ACTUALLY run out of money. I never imagined I would ACTUALLY have to sit down and write up some contingency plan (like I mentioned the other day.)

It all punched me in the gut today as I sat down to write out all my bills for the month. I’m covered until the end of February. With the part time work I’m doing, it will help me pay my rent, car payment, insurance and utilities. My cell phone and credit card bills are another matter.

Tomorrow morning before I go to the office, or in the afternoon when I get home, I’m going to be calling Sprint to downgrade my cell phone plan, turn off the wireless modem I have for the laptop. I will also be calling the car people to see if I can get my car refinanced for a lower payment. Those things will help tremendously.

The recruiter I bitched about a few weeks ago is still being a fucking idiot. She called me Friday and said she had a possible job interview for me. She called me this morning and said she had a part time, one week assignment doing data entry. WTF?

I went to their website and found an Admin spot that pays what I need, the requirements are not a problem, I fit them all. I emailed her and told her to put my resume in for that position. I fucking hate her.

I don’t know what more I can do, really. I’m sending my resume out there, I’m doing the footwork. I think my ego is a little bruised. I have a lot of experience and years of working in the programs they need (Excel, Word, PowerPoint) so I’m just befuddled over this whole job hunting thing.

I’m in a bit of a panic at the moment. What happens IF I don’t find a job in the next month? What will I do if that happens? Besides want to bury my head in the sand, cry like a fucking baby and blow some shit up. What will I do? I started writing that plan out the other day when I mentioned it, but I only got to the two things I mentioned. Need to lower my bills and see where I can save money from there. I need to buckle down and write it all out. I feel sick to my stomach and I’m going to go cry now. kthxbai

I’m in a bad space mentally, thankfully there is a GA meeting tonight at 7pm and I will be going to it.

Until next time….

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Well that was a waste.

I’m doing a little venting here. But in the big scheme of things, I’m not all that upset. If that makes sense.

I met Boss Lady at 9:50 at one of the buildings. We had some questions for the Building Manager, reference this manual I’m doing for emergency procedures. I got there, asked my questions and then I figured Boss Lady would have something else for me to do. Yeah….not so much.

So I’m home already, working on the manual and re-typing some of the text that I accidentally erased last week. Heh. I’ll get a lot of it done today and then I’m going to the office tomorrow morning at 11am and she’s going to start me on a different project. She thinks I need a break from this manual. I think she’s right. I loathe this manual. LOL

I really don’t why, but I’ve always been fascinated with bathroom vanities. I’m currently listening to my iTunes and typing my ass off is what I’m doing today. YAY for me! At least I can do laundry while I’m working!

Until next time….

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Almost ready

Actually, I am ready for work.  I just need to put my shoes on, collect all my stuff and head out the door.   I’m meeting Boss Lady at 10am, so I have about 20 minutes before I have to leave.

I was going to find something for breakfast here, but I’m feeling lazy so I’m probably going to stop at McD’s to get a sausage mcmuffin or something. I don’t know where the closest McD’s is here to my apartment, isn’t that sad? But I know of one on the way to where I’m meeting Boss Lady, so that’s where I’ll be stopping.

002.JPGI always save my hair for last when getting ready, just because it’s always taken FOREVAH to dry and style.  Well.  Let me tell you!  With this new do of mine, it took me 1/4 of the time to do the hair.   WHEEEEE  I love that!  And I still really like the cut and color.  It was sooooo easy to dry and style!!!  Took me like 5 minutes to dry it.  It used to take me 20-30 minutes to just dry the mop I used to call my hair.   I’m very pleased.   So please, in fact, I took another self portrait.

I sent my resume to two different places this morning.   I sometimes lose focus on the job hunt, just because I’m frustrated with it and sometimes don’t want to deal with the disappointment of getting rejection letters and/or not even hearing from the companies I send the resume too.  

I also need to think about the school thing.  I pushed it back and the girl from the college is going to be calling me in March.  But I now don’t know if that’s what I want to do.  Go figure.   Talk about a mid-life crisis.  Ugh.  I’ll figure it out when I’m supposed.

Until next time….