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Archive for April, 2008

Are you kidding me?

Three weeks ago yesterday, the owner of the company told me he wanted to sit down with me and discuss making my position permanent/full time with benefits.   Three weeks ago tomorrow, I let the boss know that I would be willing to relocate, depending on salary, benefits and job duties.   He asked me to give him a week to hammer out the details of the duties and he would get back to me.

After a week, I started trying to meet with him and he was never available, or too busy.  Same thing I guess.  Now, here I am on the verge of 3 weeks after that initial discussion thinking I’ve had it.  I don’t know that I want to work for a company (permanently) that is so disorganized and unprofessional.

Meanwhile, BOC and Papa Grumpy have been dumping more and more job duties on my plate.  I don’t think I’ve done what I was originally hired, as a contractor, to do in about 2 weeks.  They are seriously getting their money’s worth right now.  And I’m seriously heading into bankruptcy if this keeps up at this pace.

I’ve been living on my credit cards.  I’ve been putting my gas and my groceries on my credit cards because I have not had the money in the bank to do it.   It’s making me sick to my stomach.  Seriously.

On another note.  I got a phone call this morning, from a member of GA.  She happens to be lesbian.  No biggie, right?  Well I think she did think it was a biggie because she felt that I have not befriended her BECAUSE she is lesbian.  Are you fucking kidding me?   She said she felt that since I go to the church I go too, my opinions matched that of the leadership of the church when it comes to gays and lesbians.

I laughed at her.  I’m sure that was not the response she was looking for, but I laughed at her and asked her if she was serious.   She said that she was very serious.   I laughed again and informed her that my BFF, Todd, who passed away in 2005 was the gayest man I had ever met and that is why I refer to us as Will and Grace.   I figured if I said “Everyone in Vegas called us Will and Grace, for obvious reasons”  people would get it.   Obviously not this person.   She has been holding a resentment against me for 2.5 months.

I wonder if she ever thought for a second that I wasn’t befriending her because I just don’t like her?  Or that maybe I had too much on my plate at the time she was reaching out to me?  Or that maybe I just don’t like her?  Oh, I said that already.  Sorry.

I’ve sent my resume to a few people up north and will see what happens.  I’m remaining open minded.  I told them both that I won’t go anywhere unless I find a job that will pay me what I need to make and what I deserve.   My resume rocks and I have a lot of experience to offset that pesky education requirement on a lot of jobs. 

However, I still have a goal of once I get settled, to look into getting a degree in something.  Most likely business admin or something similar, since that is what I do.

I’m going to go veg on the couch and do a little pick up of the apartment.  I also need to balance my checkbook and see if I have money for bills.

Until next time….

Life is not tried it is merely survived

Post title from Garth Brooks Standing Outside the Fire.  the next lyric in this song is “if you’re standing outside the fire.”

I can’t say that I was “tagged” really, but I can say I’ve made it to the big time! Josie and I have finally made it to the “LOL Bloggerz” over at Mr. Fab’s place.  While some people are planning their revenge, I thought mine was so funny I almost peed my pants this morning.

Unfortunately, I kind of think Mr. Fab’s LOL Blogger thing on me and Josie is a bit psychic, cause if things don’t turn around for me, I just MIGHT be living in a storage unit LOL.   I don’t seriously believe that.  It’s a joke, relax.

I am feeling a little better than yesterday, which is a good thing because I can NOT afford to take a day off work.  I went to bed at 9pm and woke up A LOT throughout the night, but for whatever reason, I got some pretty good sleep in those moments when I was sleeping.

At one point I woke up drenched in sweat, so I’m thinking I had a fever at some point and it broke.  Today, my throat is extremely sore, my nose is stuffed and I’m feeling a little achy, but nothing like yesterday.   I don’t feel like I got hit by a Mack truck.  At the moment anyway.   I’m about to start getting ready for work, so we’ll see how that changes (if it does).

I did some research on jobs up north last night and put in for two of them.  We’ll see what happens.  I’m going to remain open minded with this and see where it leads me.

The MAIN reason I moved here is gone now, it’s been removed from the equation (KP and LP moving here).  So at times, I have been feeling a little lost since he and I talked last.   I know that as long as I continue taking care of myself, doing the right thing, and keeping my side of the street clean, it will work out in my favor.  I have faith that God will lead me where he needs/wants me to be and if that is up north, so be it. 

The only negative about that, is that I’d be two hours further from my family, however, I would just fly instead of drive 11 hours to see them.  Ya know?

I’m becoming obsessed with visiting my family.  I want to see them so badly it hurts at times.  It’s so far away, I can’t afford the gas right now and I definitely can’t afford a plane ticket.  I’m working on it and my goal is to get my ass settled here (or up north) and then immediately book a flight to see mom, brother, SIL and the nephews.

It’s hump day, which means that it is one more day closer to Friday, which is an awesome thing!  I’m really looking forward to this weekend.  The picnic with GA this weekend should be awesome.  We’ll be having people from Lexington come over, Cincy and Indy.  And of course, you know I’m really looking forward to seeing the people (or at least one person) from Indy.  heehee

Until next time….


Just a stepping stone?

Could this place just be a stepping stone to get me where I’m supposed to be?  I’ve been doing a lot of thinkng and soul searching the last few days.

After talking to GB last night and again tonight, I’m going to keep my options and my mind open to the possibilities that other areas will/may offer me.

While I’ve been spiritually healthier than I’ve ever been in this place, I am not 100% happy with it.  I am having a hard time not being bitter towards this area after the shit I’ve been through since I moved here.  I’ve done the foot work, I’ve sent my resume out to 100’s of businesses (if not thousands) over the last 6 months and nothing. 

The only possibility I have sitting on the table here in the Ville is the FD one and they are slower than fucking molasses here.  I have no idea what’s going on with that and even if they do offer me that job, I found out last night, after doing my financial inventory with GB, they don’t pay enough to where I’d survive here without going even further into debt, or getting a second job.

I have not been able to sit down with the owner at all.  This is quite frustrating.  I can not afford that drive much longer.  It’s fucking killing me (ie:  almost falling asleep at the wheel).   I’m at a crossroads in a way.

I’m trying to decide what to do.  Do I stay here and stick it out?  Do I look up in Indy and possibly move there?  Do I look over in Lexington and then relocate there? 

I’ve never made it a secret on how much I dislike the area of town I’m living in.  I can not afford to move currently to anywhere else in the city.  Do I even want to try that?

Would I be happier if I started job hunting up north and if I find something, move?  Would I be happier staying here and barely paying my bills, spending half of my bi-weekly on gas to get to and from work?

I’ve been feeling VERY overwhelmed since I started that financial inventory.  And while I’m grateful I actually have it on paper so I can see it with clear eyes and face the reality of it, it’s scary and I’d really like to just scoop it under the rug and pretend it doesn’t exist.  I know I won’t do that though. 

My head is pounding, I have horrible heart burn (I’m out of my Nexium) and I am going to go lay on the couch and sit on the pity pot for a bit.  I think I deserve at least 5 minutes of self pity.  I could be wrong and I may pull myself out of that self pity party quickly.  We’ll see.

Until next time…


That may have been just what I needed

On my way to work this morning, I was so sleepy, I stopped twice to walk around the car in the cold air to try to wake up. I could hardly keep my eyes open and I felt like I dozed once or twice. It was horrid. I got to work and felt worse.

I did a few things and at 11:45 I realized I could not do it. Boston Girl said that I was super pale too. I left.

As I was driving home, the sleepiness almost overtook me again quite a few times and I rolled my window down to get some cold air blowing, so it would keep me awake. I was home by 1:10 and asleep by 1:20. I just woke up 10 minutes ago. I’m still quite sleepy and probably could have still slept. However, I forced myself to get up cause I want to be able to sleep tonight when I go to bed.

I actually feel a little better after that long ass nap, but I still feel icky. I just feel completely exhausted, like I got hit with a Mack truck with a bunch of sleep dust attached to it. I don’t know what is wrong with me.

I’m going to relax the rest the evening and do a few things around the apartment. I need to find something to eat right now.

Until next time….

It’s only Tuesday?

It’s only Tuesday and my body feels like it’s Friday. I wish it was Friday. I need a mental health day and unfortunately, I can’t afford to take one.

I went to bed right after posting that last night and I actually slept halfway decent. And then my alarm went off at 5:45. I hit the off button and fell back asleep. My 2nd alarm went off at 6:15 and here I sit. Wishing it was the end of the week.

However, tonight, I have no plans or needs to go anywhere but straight home after work. I am going to come straight home and sit my ass on the couch.

After figuring things out last night with GB, the FD job will NOT pay me enough to live on my current bills. So if I get that job, I’m going to have to move down to a one bedroom and make a few other cuts and save some money somewhere. I’m going to spend some time putting that stuff on a spreadsheet in Excel, so I can read it a little better. The forms I filled out have scribble all over it from taking notes while we went over it last night. It’s hard to read.

I was talking to the Office Manager yesterday about plants and having a black thumb, rather than a green thumb. I told her the only types of flowers in my house will be silk flowers. She said she is the same way and hasn’t had a live plant in her house for years.

GB has some spreadsheet work for me to do in Excel. He has about 10 years worth of customer data he wants put into a spreadsheet/database. He said he will pay me and I told him I will work on the weekends for that, but not during the week because I’m entirely too tired by the end of the day during the week.

I have somehow managed to pay all my bills for this next month. I believe that’s a God thing. Next month may be a little different, but for now, I’m set with my basic needs. The stimulus check will help me out quite a bit too, with groceries and getting my Nexium refilled. I’m completely out of it and I can feel it.

I was supposed to go to the apartment office last Saturday cause there is a package there for me, but I forgot. I’ll have to do that this Saturday before going to the picnic. I don’t even know what the package could be, considering I have not purchased or ordered anything online in awhile, unless GA related for the conference (and I have those already.)

I suppose I should get ready for work. I really don’t want to drive that 75 miles. I dislike the drive much more than I dislike the job now. Who knew that would happen. The first month I hated the work and didn’t mind the drive. What a reversal. LOL

Until next time…

Emotionally drained.

I’m just over done.  Put a fork in me.  I’m dead on my feet.

I left the house at 7:30 this morning for work, travelled my one hour and 20 minutes and 75 miles.  I worked my ass off.  They are adding duties and adding duties every day.   It’s time I sit down with the owner, whether he has the time or not, I will ask him for 10 minutes.   I can’t keep busting my ass for the peanuts I’m getting paid.  I just can’t afford to do this anymore.

After work, I travelled my one hour and 20 minutes and 75 miles to a GA meeting.  The meeting started at 7pm, we were done at 8:45.   GB and I sat in my car and went over my financial inventory.  I sobbed.  It’s horrible.  I hate it.

After we finished the inventory (10:30 or so), we prayed and then I came home.  I’m not going to share the details of everything in that inventory, but let me tell you it’s not pretty and I have faced a reality I do not want to face.   I’ll keep doing what I’m doing, suiting up and showing up.   I will stand up for myself and I will continue praying.

Until next time…

I don’t wanna!

It’s Monday.  I don’t want to go to work.  I never want to go to work, because of the drive.  I’m actually really enjoying what they have me doing right now.  It’s just the drive that is bugging me out now.  *le sigh*  Decisions, decisions. 

I’m feeling very restless and don’t know how to handle it.  I’ll have to talk to GB about it at some point I’m sure.  I am not feeling settled and I feel very antsy.

I’m out of my Nexium and I’m putting off calling in the prescription, to see if I get to talk to the Owner today.  LOL  I’ll call it in tonight so I can pick it up tomorrow after work.

I slept like crap last night.  This was my night:

  • In bed by 9:15
  • Asleep by 9:30
  • Awake at 11:00
  • Asleep by 11:45
  • Awake at 1:30
  • Asleep by 1:45
  • Awake at 3:30
  • Asleep at 4:00
  • Awake at 5:00
  • Asleep at 5:30
  • First alarm went off at 5:45
  • Asleep a few seconds later
  • Second alarm went off at 6:15.

I need to get some stuff together for Registration packets too, cause the person who said they would help me out is not stepping up.   I’ve asked them several times via email and telephone yesterday afternoon.  They are not being cooperative. 

I’m going to be going over the financial inventory I filled out with GB tonight.  Ugh.  I’m not really looking forward to it.  My justification talents are kicking in and making me not want to do it until I get a full time, regular job.  Cause right now, everything on there is only temporary.  Once I get a full time, regular job, the whole thing is going to change, so why waste my time now?  Ugh.

All that shit going around in my head just tells me I’m definitely going to sit down with him so that the next time I have to revamp the financial inventory/budget, it wont’ be so overwhelming and frightening.  Ya know?

Until next time….


I had a feeling I’d break it…

The silence that is.  I had a feeling earlier today when I posted my “silent sunday” posts that it would not last the entire day today.

I had a fantastic weekend.  Miss Monique came to visit and stayed with me.  We went to a GA meeting Friday night and didn’t do much of anything else.   Saturday we went to Petsmart so I could get a Kong and a few other things for my fur babies.   After that, we drove around a bit, did a little shopping Kohl’s and ran into Boss Lady’s husband and business partner, Boss Man.   After we left Kohl’s we went and I got my nails done.  It was a bit of a wait, so Miss Monique decided not to get hers done.   She was antsy by the time my new nail girl got finished.

When we got back to my place, we both took a nap and then went to meet Miss Laci and The Guy at a little Cuban restaurant.  And of course, google maps fucked me up and I couldn’t find it.   I had to call Miss Laci and have them meet us somewhere so we could follow them in.

I said I was going to interrogate the guy, and I did.   A lot.  I am quite the Intimidator.  So if you need your new romantic interests questioned, just let me know and we can arrange a meeting.   After we ate dinner, we went to a little coffee place down in a “trendy” part of town and sat there for an hour or two.  

I took Miss Monique to my church today, yeah, the one that looks like a stadium.  LOL  It’s a huge church, but I love it.  I love the worship songs and I love the pastors.  Pastor Dave taught today and it was really quite entertaining.   Next week Pastor Kyle will be doing the service.

I love the pastors because they make me think.  They challenge me to step out of my comfort zone and learn something new.  I love learning things.

I am now doing laundry, cruising the internet and wishing it was later so I could go sleep.  I’d take a nap now, but then I’d be screwed tonight when it’s time to sleep after the BB9 finale. 

I’m hoping to meet with the owner tomorrow, I really need to corner that man and not let him leave.  I’d like to chain him to his desk so that I have his undivided attention.  But I believe that would constitute coercion and kidnapping.  Committing a felony to try to get more money is not the way I want to go with this.  ROFL

Until next time…

More silence on Sunday

Your Career Type: Social

You are helpful, friendly, and trustworthy.Your talents lie in teaching, nursing, giving information, and solving social problems.You would make an excellent:

Counselor – Dental Hygienist – Librarian

Nurse – Parole Officer – Personal Trainer

Physical Therapist – Social Worker – Teacher

The worst career options for your are realistic careers, like truck driver or farmer.


You Are Silly Panties

You’re a goofy, fun loving girl who is always smiling.You like your panties to be a silly secret – even if only you know.

Men feel instantly relaxed around you, with a little instant chemistry too.

Even though you’re a goofball, you can be sexy when you want to.

Your Beauty Element is Earth

You are the epitome of a natural beauty. Your look is definitely effortless.

And while you shy away from a lot of make-up and accessories, you’re no granola girl either!


Silent Sunday