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Just a stepping stone?

Could this place just be a stepping stone to get me where I’m supposed to be?  I’ve been doing a lot of thinkng and soul searching the last few days.

After talking to GB last night and again tonight, I’m going to keep my options and my mind open to the possibilities that other areas will/may offer me.

While I’ve been spiritually healthier than I’ve ever been in this place, I am not 100% happy with it.  I am having a hard time not being bitter towards this area after the shit I’ve been through since I moved here.  I’ve done the foot work, I’ve sent my resume out to 100’s of businesses (if not thousands) over the last 6 months and nothing. 

The only possibility I have sitting on the table here in the Ville is the FD one and they are slower than fucking molasses here.  I have no idea what’s going on with that and even if they do offer me that job, I found out last night, after doing my financial inventory with GB, they don’t pay enough to where I’d survive here without going even further into debt, or getting a second job.

I have not been able to sit down with the owner at all.  This is quite frustrating.  I can not afford that drive much longer.  It’s fucking killing me (ie:  almost falling asleep at the wheel).   I’m at a crossroads in a way.

I’m trying to decide what to do.  Do I stay here and stick it out?  Do I look up in Indy and possibly move there?  Do I look over in Lexington and then relocate there? 

I’ve never made it a secret on how much I dislike the area of town I’m living in.  I can not afford to move currently to anywhere else in the city.  Do I even want to try that?

Would I be happier if I started job hunting up north and if I find something, move?  Would I be happier staying here and barely paying my bills, spending half of my bi-weekly on gas to get to and from work?

I’ve been feeling VERY overwhelmed since I started that financial inventory.  And while I’m grateful I actually have it on paper so I can see it with clear eyes and face the reality of it, it’s scary and I’d really like to just scoop it under the rug and pretend it doesn’t exist.  I know I won’t do that though. 

My head is pounding, I have horrible heart burn (I’m out of my Nexium) and I am going to go lay on the couch and sit on the pity pot for a bit.  I think I deserve at least 5 minutes of self pity.  I could be wrong and I may pull myself out of that self pity party quickly.  We’ll see.

Until next time…


2 Responses to “Just a stepping stone?”

  • Jen says:

    Such hard decisions to make. I will pray for you on this.

  • Mel says:

    You are the clay and He is the potter. He is working you hard because He has a plan for you and it’s something great. Believe that.