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Archive for June, 2008

Holy noodles, what a day!

OH MY FUCK! What a horribly stressful and long day this has been! I got to the office right at 6am today. As soon as I got to my desk and got settled, I started the calculations for the district that I’m assigned.

I could not think straight. However, as confused as I was feeling, I only made like two errors out of the whole district. This is about 90% better than I have done on the previous payroll Mondays. WOOOT!

Manager Lady told me on our first cigarette break “oh, we have plans for you today, girl.” Oh God. Not a great way to make me feel comfortable. LOL

After the calculations were done, Manager Lady and the Admiral do the “keying” into the software system. Once they are done with the keying of the information, they email downtown and then a report is sent.

Once that report is received, an edit has to be done. The edit? Holy fucking long ass report, Batman!!! The report had to be gone through and compared to the timesheets. Yes. Compared. Line by line, person by person.

We started the edit at 11:30. We finished just before 2:30. I finally got my lunch at that time. I ate quickly and then hit my desk, which had suddenly disappeared under a stack of vacation requests and other payroll related paperwork.

Once we made the corrections from the edit, we email downtown again and another report is generated. We then had to go through the corrections to make sure it was all correct. Once that was done, we were done with payroll and we’ll be getting paid Thursday.

I think I had a total of one hour of down time today. One hour, compared to at least 3 hours per day of downtime, having to find stuff to do. It made the 10 hours go by quickly, that’s for sure. I’m going to try to go in a little early tomorrow because I have a fuckton of stuff to finish for payroll AND for the end of the year stuff.

This fiscal year starting on July 1 thing sucks ass sometimes. Ooooh! Speaking of July, I’m getting a 2% raise tomorrow. It will be on the next payday, but YAY!!!! on the raise already. My next raise will not come until next July 1, so I’m enjoying this one while I can!

I was so exhausted after work, I forgot to go to the post office and mail the packages that I have to mail. But, in the meantime, I sold something else on ebay, so I’m going to get that one ready to ship and then do all three at the same time. YAY!

I’m going to go watch Charmed and then get ready for my 7pm meeting.

Until next time…

The Two Coreys

I’m watching the Two Coreys on A&E right now. Haim is a hot mess, angry and full of rage. Feldman seems to be an arrogant jerky. However, I’m not in either of their shoes right now and so I won’t judge them. Yet.

I’ve been doing a whole lot of nothing today. I’ve been laying on the couch with my feet up. My left foot is feeling a little better – but not much. It’s a little easier to walk around than it was earlier.

I am developing a headache and need to take something before it develops into something super heinous. I downloaded all the pictures and sent them out to everyone’s email that I had from the conference. There were 163 pictures in that set I emailed. LOL Thank goodness for Shutterfly dot com!

I’ve sold a few things on eBay recently and I’m going to be shipping them tomorrow on my lunch hour or after work. I sold my Dooney & Bourke small bag and my Bones season one. I’ve also got the first three seasons of Grey’s Anatomy that is selling. Someone’s already placed a bid on the auction, so it will sell. Here’s to hoping a few more bid on it so that I get more money LOL That sounds quite greedy, however, the more money I get, the more bills I can pay. Ya know?

I’m also going to be getting reimbursed tomorrow for all that hot mess copying I did at Kinko’s the other day. I’ll be able to pay my cell phone bill with that and have a little left over for groceries and what not.

I’m going back to the couch now to watch the Two Coreys go at each other’s throats.

Until next time…

The weekend

When we started planning this conference, the workshop chairperson wanted to have one workshop put on by the women of GA here in this area.  It as a great concept and idea, and several of us joined forces to do this workshop.   Somewhere in the midst of planning the workshop, everyone dropped out, except me.

Also in the midst of planning the conference, the focus of this “womens” workshop was changed from the women of the area to “Emotional Transfusion,” as I’ve mentioned the title before.

Two days before the conference, one of the women came back on board.  YAY!  I would not have to do this on my own.

We talked on the phone the day before the conference and I realized that the lady who was going to be “helping” me with workshop was NOT focused on the current topic of Emotional Transfusion.  She was still focused on the original idea.  I tried to explain to her we needed to stick to the topic while doing the workshop.   After all, that’s why people go to certain workshops.  The title entices them into the room and then the subject matter and topic itself keeps them there.   She was not focused.

The day of the workshops, yesterday, she pulled me aside at about 1130am.   Our workshop started at 1pm.  She went over the notes she had written down and NOTHING was about emotions.  At all.  Nothing on the topic, nothing on emotions.

I nicely asked her if she could incorporate something in there about the topic.  Ya know?  So we would be on topic throughout the workshop.  *le sigh*  She just didn’t get it.

So I asked her again, a little more forcefully and told her we HAD to stick to this current topic.  She was stuck on the original topic and I could not get her away from that.  I tried and tried.

I got so frustrated, I went to my hotel room at one point, laid on the bed and texted Miss Monique that I did NOT want to go back out there.   She called to check on me and I vented, vented and vented.

The workshop approached at 1pm and I finally just said “fuck it” I’ll do my part and she can go on whatever tangent she wants to go on.  And boy, did she!  However, I think she was a little embarrassed because I had a 15 page handout to give out and I went over a bit of the handout and discussed which personality traits I saw myself with.

I spoke for 20 minutes on my topic.  She spoke for 9 on hers.  We opened the floor for open discussion and questions.   Half the people discussed her topic and the other half, my topic.   It went fairly well for being the train wreck that it was.

After the workshop, I went to my room for a quick nap.  That was at 3pm.  I left the room at 5pm.  Yeah, I slept for 2 hours hahaha.  It felt awesome tho and I was ready for the rest of the evening.  I missed the guest speaker, who is a local professional who “specializes” in addiction therapy.

The dinner started at 7:30pm and the food was yummeh!!!!!  I ate entirely too much!  We had a DJ for after dinner and I danced my ass off with a few people from Cincinnati.  I had a great time.  I went to part of the “all night” meeting that was going on and then I was in my room and asleep by midnight.

I woke up at 6:45, packed up and left the hotel at 7am.   I am now home, drinking my coffee and am going to go love on the girls.   I need to unpack and start some laundry, but I’ll get to that.

I have to work at 6am tomorrow, since it’s payroll Monday.  Fun!  Better set my alarm now before I forget!

Until next time…

One down, 1.5 to go!

I made it through the first day of the conference. I’m exhausted, but I made it. I’m running VERY late this morning, I turned my alarm off at 6am and went back to sleep. I woke up about 10 minutes ago.

As soon as I’m done posting this, I’m going to be running around here like a chicken with it’s head cut off to get ready, pack a bag and then go pick up a GA member from Cleveland who booked a hotel room ON THE OTHER SIDE OF TOWN from the hotel the conference is at. Makes sense to me. Right?

And then the LONG day begins. They got me a comp room for tonight, so I may be staying the night at the hotel (hence the “pack a bag” comment), however I don’t know if I want to leave the girls alone over night. Since they did go to the trouble of getting me a room though, I will most likely use it.

I had to make sure to post today cause of the Blog365 thing. Yes, I’m still trying to keep up with that. God forbid I miss a day in that.

I remember when I was younger, we used to have one of those funky looking popcorn machines. Strange memories.

Thanks to everyone who left me hugs and happy thoughts in the comments from yesterday’s post. I really appreciate them! I kept busy and only got teary eyed once at the conference yesterday. I think it’s cause I was too busy to get teary eyed more than that.

I left the conference last night just in time to drive home during a torrential downpour and lightning storm. That was awesome. NOT! I could barely see the road and it was nasty. Just nasty!

OK, I gotta go now. TTFN

Until next time…

In loving memory of my Will.

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What a long and winding road the last 3 years have been. Today marks the 3 year anniversary of the death of my platonic soul mate. He was Will to my Grace, Jack to my Karen. We were inseparable for 3 years after meeting each other at a Monday night bowling league.

We went to meetings together, we went to movies together, we shared our laughs, tears and friendship like no one else in my life. At the point in my life when Todd and were friends, Todd was the ONE person in my life (besides family) who had loved me unconditionally. He let me cry on his shoulder many times and vice versa.

We were silly together, we were serious together and we were recovering together. There is not one day that goes by when I don’t think of something he did or said. There is not one day that goes by that I do not miss him.

We once shared our dreams of leaving Las Vegas. We jokingly agreed we would move to NYC together when the timing was right. We shared so much of our lives together and when he passed away at the age of 39 from a massive heart attack, I thought my world had imploded.

In a way, the world stopped turning for me in that split second phone call I shared with his father. In that one moment, my heart stopped. I collapsed to the floor and was aided by my friend Shawn C. and a few other GA members back into the room and into a chair. I could not breathe. I could not speak.

Shortly after that Monday night, my world went on a whirlwind emotional roller coaster. I became anxious and depressed. I ended up in the hospital ER thinking I was having a heart attack. It was actually an anxiety attack. After that, I went to grief counseling AND called the Employee Assistance Program at work and got counseling through them.

My grief journey is yet to be over. Today, I feel Todd’s loss like it just occurred. My heart physically hurts. I can think of nothing else but Todd. I think of his laughter, his tears, his dreams, his ambitions. I think of how a wonderful light in the dark was extinguished long before it’s time.

Todd, my Will, I miss you. I love you. I can hear you sometimes when I lay in bed, listening. I can feel you when I allow myself the “quiet” time. When I stop and listen, I hear your loving whispers and I hear your voice telling me it will all be OK.

While my physical selfishness wants you here with me, I know you are in a better place. I’ve never thought that things have gotten better. They’ve just gotten different. I’ve learned to rearrange all those dreams we shared. I’ve learned to reach out to others in my times of need.

Todd being silly

This is Todd and my BFF from Vegas, KP, that I always talk about.   They were chairing a meeting together on a Wednesday night.  Or was it Friday?  I don’t remember LOL.   Todd had such a fantastic sense of humor.

I love you Todd.  May you rest in peace and know that I love you.

Until next time…

Send cheese to go with my whine!

This is getting ridiculous. Almost every time I turn around, I’m getting charged for something different in this apartment. Let me break down my rent payment each month.

$530 – rent

$66 – gas payment

$40 – washer/dryer payment

$40 – pet rent (20 per pet)

$676 – total.

NOW the apartment complex wants to charge me ANOTHER $35 for basic cable service. Are you fucking kidding me? I’m paying $81 straight to the cable company right now. And you want to charge me more?

Apparently, in the lease (which I did confirm) it says there is a $35 basic cable fee in addition to what you pay the cable company IF you get extra service from said cable company. Well now. I have a digital box so I can have the DVR to record my shows when I’m not home or sleeping.

The cable company did an “audit” of the residents here and it was found that *I* have not been paying my basic cable fee of $35. For eight fucking months. While they are only charging me the $35 right now, cross your fingers they do not decide to charge me for the previous 8 fucking months I’ve been here.

I went to Kinko’s to make the copies of my workshop I finished earlier today. I walked in like I knew what I was doing.

I walked right up to one of the self service machines and put my papers in there. I inserted my card like a good girl and then hit “50” copies. I have a tendency to watch the money add up as I’m copying. Which, I’m VERY grateful for today.

As it was counting the copies and what not, I realized it was going over $80. Panic mode sets in. I hit cancel on the copy machine AND cancel on the little card reader thing. I hurry and collect my things, it only made 10 copies, go to the regular b&w copier and finish my copying.

I go to the kiosk at the end of it all and get my two receipts. Holy fucking bad move, Batman. After I got my receipts for the two machines, I asked the girl behind the counter if they could help me with the $80 error. I didn’t realize I was on a color machine, using fancy laser paper.

Her response? “Did you get a receipt already?” I told her, all proud of myself and shit, “Why yes I did, here it is….”

My bad. I thought that if I had my RECEIPT for the 80 fucking dollars I got ass raped for, I’d get a break. She let me know that if you get a receipt after using the machines, it then leaves their system and they can not refund the money. I asked her to repeat herself three times before almost losing my shit.

I then walked out with my 50 copies of Emotional Transfusion workshop and my two receipts. One for more than $80 and the other for more than $32. Thank goodness the host committee will be reimbursing me for that mistake.

Can I just start this whole day all over again, please? Pretty please? I’m going to go lay in bed for a bit and then get up and pretend it’s a brand new day. Because seriously, if this day gets any worse, I’m going to lose my fucking mind. Just sayin.

Here’s a place you can get some more computer memory, if you need it.

Until next time…

What a flipping mess

I’m such a mess.  I’m a hot mess.  I admit it.  I’m OK with it and I am trying to find my way out of being such a mess.

I was checking the balance on my ONE credit card that I can still use for groceries (cause I need some stuff at the store!) and what not and there is a returned check charge.  What the fuck?!?!?!?!   I made a payment of $75.00 on the 20th.  ON the 25th that payment was returned and then a the RCC was assessed onto my account.  WTF?!?!?!   I emailed them and am waiting for their response.

I double checked the routing number and the account number on my checking, to make sure it was NOT my error.   I even went onto Chase’s website and looked at my account.  It never went through nor was it returned.   So it’s on the credit card company’s end and I want to know WHAT THE FUCK!

I am having a hard enough time with my finances and don’t need the credit cards fucking up to make things worse than I’ve already made them, ya know?  Fuckers.

I’ve been very busy this morning.  I’ve started laundry, cleaned my room, did the dishes in the sink, collected the mountains of trash I have floating around and am getting ready to work more on the workshop.  I need to finish it off today, so I can go make some copies at Kinkos.   I’ll be getting reimbursed for the copies I make today AND the copies that I made the other day.   I’ll be getting that money tomorrow afternoon at the conference.

I have an old coffee can in my room.  I throw all my spare change in there.  I went through it today to make sure it’s ONLY the coins (I tend to throw wrappers in there on accident too).  I’ll be taking that can to one of those machines in Meijer to get some much needed cash.  I have over $40 in quarters alone (yeah, I counted), so that will help with groceries and what not until next payday.

These finances suck major fucking ass.  I’m just sayin.   I have no money for anything.  I can barely pay my bills.  While it HAS gotten better, I’m just tired of struggling.  Please know that I’m just venting right now.  I fucking hate struggling like this.  It makes me feel like I’ve done something I shouldn’t.  And I haven’t.  I haven’t gambled, I haven’t shopped to excess, I haven’t done anything out of the norm to get to where I’m at.  It’s called life.  It’s called a fucked up economy and a fucked up job market in this area.

I could sit here and start asking “why me?” but I won’t.  Because it’s not how I am.  I just have to say, things are changing.  I’m going to be turning off my home phone soon.  That will save me $25 a month.  I’m going to turn off Showtime on cable, that will save me 10 bucks a month.  There is $35 extra a month to put towards bills.

I have no disposable income at the end of the month.  None.  My rent, car payment and car insurance get paid.  My cell phone MIGHT get paid.  My utility bills are sitting next to me and I’m trying to figure out where I can gather the money for those.

I didn’t do any work for GB the past two weeks.  I’ve been trying to get the registration stuff and the workshop stuff done.  That has taken all of my extra time.   I’m tired, people.  I’m tired of struggling.  I’m tired of worrying about how I’m going to feed me and my dogs.  I’m tired.  Something has got to give.  Right?

I’m sure I’m in this situation for a reason and I know I may never know that reason.  However, I’m struggling to let it go again.  The yo-yo game has begun and I’m tired of it.   I wish I could wiggle my nose and all my financial problems would disappear.   Since that won’t happen anytime soon, I’m going to trudge forward.  I’ll continue suiting up and showing up and know that it will work out.

Until next time…

Emotional transfusion

Strange topic, isn’t it?  It’s what I’m doing my workshop on.   I was going to show how I have gone from being emotionally unavailable when I first came into the program to being emotionally available and the emotional transfusion that took place.

I have NO fucking idea how to get there.   I know what I WANT to put on paper, I just have no idea how to word it, how to structure it or how to format it.

I’ve typed up about 9 pages of stuff that I not only got from the book I have (Emotional Unavailability:  Recognizing it, Understanding It, and Avoiding it’s Trap), and I’m now stuck.  I guess this is some sort of writer’s block, I don’t know.

I’ve fought off a headache all day along with some depression and so I’m not all that focused on this workshop, which I NEED to be.  I HAVE to have this done no later than Friday morning, so I can go make copies at Kinkos and be done with it.

First of all, it’s not a topic *I* would have chosen for a workshop that I do.  However, it was given to me by the GA planning committee of the conference.   They do things differently here.  They pick a “theme” for their conference and ask everyone doing workshops to do something along the lines of that theme.  They even pick a topic FOR YOU and then throw it in your lap.

I was supposed to have help on this, but everyone who said they would help has backed out and canceled on me.  So here I am, struggling with this topic I don’t feel I’m ready to do.

I’m ALL about looking in the mirror and taking accountability for my own shit.  When I’m ready for that.  I do not like having something thrown at me and someone telling me this is what I need to do.  *le sigh*  That would be me and my denial of not wanting to face something about my personality that I do not like.  I’m working on that.

I’m going to give myself a break and not work on this workshop the rest of the night.  I’m going to go plant myself in front of the TV and watch some shows.

I cooked a roast today.  Ummm.  Yeah.  It turned out very YUMMEH, however, I will NOT ever buy a roast in the summer again.  Not in this crappy apartment.  I was melting.  It gets hot in here anyway cause of the sliding glass door facing west and the afternoon sun beats it’s way past my blinds into this place.  And with the added heat of the oven going?  Ummm, yeah.  Won’t happen again.  My bad.

I took a nap earlier today.  It was one of those “I’m feeling depressed so I’m going to nap” type naps.  I slept heavy, deep and for about 2 hours.  I woke up feeling groggy, still just as sad/depressed and cranky.

I do have to say though, I have 44 days until I go to Vegas to see my BFF and some other GA members.  I can’t wait to see everyone.   I kind of wish I was going to Georgia instead, however, since my BFF is paying for my trip back to Vegas, I won’t complain too much!  heeeheee

Until next time….

Day #1 of my 5 days off

I slept like crap last night, I was awake and checking emails at 1am, 3am and 5am. I went back to bed after the 5am check and did not wake up until about 8:30 or so. I feel yucky. I have a headache and I’m cranky.

I’m going to be starting work on my workshop in a bit, after I get some breakfast. I have a lot of work to do on it and need to get cracking! I’m going to be calling one of the GA ladies who has offered to help me with it and I’ll see when she and I can get together to go over what I have already and then any ideas she has.

I’ve been thinking a lot about my post on resentments and realized I just can’t take the energy to worry about it. Yes, it hurt my feelings that most of my friends in Vegas dropped me like a hot rock and yes, it pissed me off. But today? I’m spiritually healthier and emotionally more mature than I ever have been. I refuse to let them ruin that for me. People, places and things have no control over me unless I give it to them.

I have some pictures to download off my Canon Rebel before this weekend. Yes, I’ll be taking the camera with me so I can email everyone the pictures that I take while at the conference. I probably will NOT share them on here or on my Flickr badge, due to the anonymity issues that will most likely arise with some of the people.

I also saw some awesome bathroom fixtures that I wouldn’t mind getting my hands on one of these days.

Until next time….

Just a little of this and that

My mind is all over the place (as it is most days), so this post may not make much sense.

It’s time I start crating the dogs.  I’ve had enough.   I am going to start putting Chloe in her crate and I have a small metal pen in the storage room that is going to be for Josie.   They got up on the table and grabbed a pair of flip flops I had up there (put up there in haste last night so they wouldn’t chew them) and chewed them up.  I had to vacuum my couch and the floor.   I was/am pissed off.  In a few minutes, I’m going to go find ANOTHER pair of flip flops to wear while I go through my storage room looking for that pen.

I’m off work until Monday at 6am (payroll Monday), and I’m really looking forward to turning my alarm clock off for the next few days.  Until Saturday when I have to get up at the ass crack of dawn to get to the registration desk by 7am.

I stopped at Ulta on my way home from work to get some color extending shampoo.  I went with the Paul Mitchell today because it was on sale – buy 2 get 1 free.  I got the shampoo, conditioner and some styling mousse stuff.

One of the Majors at work makes me tongue tied.  He was in one of our side offices and I went in there to use the type writer for something.  He started talking to me and I just about tripped over my own tongue.  *le sigh*  He also came over to my little cubicle/desk area earlier cause I was rocking Afrika Bambaata Don’t Stop – Planet Rock and he informed me that it’s one of his favorite old skool songs.  Information I HAD to have, right?

Our chain of command is WAY different then it was in Vegas.  In Vegas, we had Police Officer, Sergeant, Lieutenant, Captain, Deputy Chief, Assistant Sheriff, Undersheriff and Sheriff.   Here?  We have Fire Fighters, Fire Apparatus Operators (Sergeants), Fire Company Commanders (Captains), Fire District Chief (Majors), Lt. Colonels, Assistant Chief, Chief.   It’s weird not having lieutenants in there.   Just odd.  Something else to get used too I suppose.

I found out how much my union fees are going to be when they start coming out and can I just say “FUCKING OUCH!!!!!!  Use some K-Y next time!”  HOLY NOODLES!!!!  In Vegas, I paid $12.00 per pay period for my union dues.  Here?  I’ll be paying close to $25.00 per pay period.  That would be almost $50 a month going out my pocket!!!!  This is very displeasing on one hand, while on the other, it isn’t all that bad because I know the union I’m in rocks.

After I find the metal pen in the storage room, I’m going to take a shower cause I didn’t get one this morning and I want to try out the new flat iron I got a few days ago when I got my hair cut off.  The stylist said those things rock, so I thought I’d try one.  I’ll let you know how it goes.   I might be a girly girl in a lot of things, but when it comes to styling my hair, I’m a novice.  I’m so used to long hair, just throw it up and I’m done.  Yeah, can’t really do that now with this new shorter style (which I’m going to keep for awhile cause me likey).

Until next time….