The Soda Stand

Archive for July, 2008

Earlier today, while at work, my co-worker and I were discussing finances and how it’s almost impossible to “catch up.”  Blah blah blah.   We then started talking about car repairs and what not.  I said (and these are my exact words) “If something were to happen to my car, I’d be so fucked.”

I’ll let those words sink in for a second.

I finished my day at work and walked out to my car at 4p.m.  I got into my car, put the key in the ignition and turned.  Nothing.  Clinking noises.  That was it.  Oh shit.

I wanted to call AAA, but since I couldn’t afford to renew it earlier this year, I don’t have AAA anymore.

I called GB and got his voice mail.   I then called another GA member who said he was on his way.

45 minutes later, a co-worker was leaving and SHE ended up jumping my car for me.

I called my credit cards that I know (or at least THOUGHT) I had money on and none of them showed an available balance.

I called the GA member who was coming to rescue me for some advice.   He suggested Big O Tires because they have a finance program available.

I stopped at the first Big O I could find.

After I filled out the application, I had a sinking feeling.  I know my credit is horrid now (again) because of my recent problems financially.

While I was waiting for the financing answer to come through, I called mom.  Mom is my savior.  She saved me.  She had me ask them if they would take my mom’s credit card over the phone if I could not get the financing.

I think the guys felt sorry for me, cause I was really losing my shit in their little store.   They said yes and I got the information from mom.   They changed the battery, which, thanks to the fucking Germans costs a lot of money and then did an oil change.  And again, thanks to the fucking Germans and the way they make their cards, it cost a lot of money too.

I’m home.  I ate a big bowl of chocolate ice cream and I’m playing hooky from GA.  I’m watching Third Watch.  I’ll go to a meeting tomorrow morning before I go meet Miss Laci for our movie outing (which, BTW, is free).

It seems like every time things start going a little bit better for me, something HUGE (or what appears to be huge) happens and I’m freaking out.  *le sigh*

It will get better.  It can not go any other way.

I’m going back to the couch to watch Third Watch and relax.

Until next time…

I’m frustrated right now.  Actually, I take that back.  I’m down right fucking cranky.  I know I’ve complained about my finances on here before, but I’m doing it again.  I’m not as “in a funk” as I have been in the past.  For some reason, I am finally angry.  I am angry at my creditors for accepting a payment plan over the phone, lowering my interest rate and payment and then NOT adhering to the plan THEY accepted.

My first response is to go to a Credit Counseling Service, so THEY can deal with these people.  However, my 12 step program teaches me it’s MY responsibility.   That means *I* have to call them.  I don’t want to.  I do not want to call them.

I want them all to go to hell in a hand basket.  I want them to stop calling me.  I want them to leave me the fuck alone.

I’ve TRIED to set up shit with them and they accept it over the phone and then back out of it later.  I catch up one month and then since they don’t accept my “lower” payment (you know the one where they AGREED to take it) and tack on a few more late fees and over limit fees.  Are you fucking kidding me?

So instead of just running out and contacting a consumer credit service, I called my sponsor.  I knew in my heart what he would say.  I knew it.  I knew contacting the credit debt service would be nixed in the bud before I even got to it.   *le sigh*

Now I get to figure shit out, figure which ones are not doing what they said they would do and then call them again.

DO.NOT.WANT.  I do not want to.  I will though.  I’ve been told it’s the “adult” thing to do.  I’ve been told it’s the “responsible” thing to do.   Fuck that.  Fuck being an adult.  Fuck being responsible.

On that note, I have to go be an adult now.  TTFN

Until next time…

post title taken from Tim McGraw’s Live Like You Were Dying.

I read something on a blog, that got me to thinking.  This person believes that if we know when we are going to die, we should treat it as a gift.   I disagree with this.  I also see where they are coming from in stating this opinion.  I’m not going to link to them, because I don’t feel like it.

However, I want to address what was said.   They said that someone should be grateful they know when they are going to die, instead of not knowing.

I am NOT blasting this person.  I am NOT blasting this person’s opinion.   I’m going to state my own opinion.  Period.

I, in a way, can see where this person is coming from.  I’m a huge Tim McGraw fan and if you’ve ever heard his song, Live Like You Were Dying, you’d know why I can see this from two perspectives.  This song was basically written around the situation his father, Tug McGraw, was in.  Tug had a brain tumor (cancer I believe) and Tim wrote the song with his father in mind.

After hearing this song MANY times over the last few years, I’ve fallen in love with it and I have made the decision, not written in stone, that if I’m ever diagnosed with something fatal and given a certain amount of time to live, I’d like to do what the song says.   HOWEVER, I know ME very well.  There is no one who knows me and all my defects of character the way I do.

Realistically, I would NOT live like I were dying.  I would NOT go sky diving or Rocky Mountain climbing.  I would, however, find forgiveness more than I have before.

I’ll tell you what I’d do if I knew when I was going to die.  I would freak the fuck out.   I would be angry and resentful.  I would be sad and depressed.  Most of all, I would be frightened.  I would be scared.  I would be emotional and sensitive.  I might, through the Grace of God, pull myself out of said anger and resentments, but I don’t know that I would.

If, by some chance, I let go of the anger, fear, resentment and sensitivity, I would make sure every loved one in my life knew how much they meant to me.  I would do a Step 8 and 9 again (#8 – Made a list of all people we had harmed and became willing to make amends to them all.  #9 – Made amends to such people wherever possible except when to do so would injure them or others.)

I would apologize to every single person I had hurt in my life.  Actually I’ve already done this for the most part, but I’d do it again.   I’d find all the forgiveness within me and forgive all those who have harmed me.  I would forgive them because that is what God would do.   I would forgive them because that is what Jesus would do.  I believe that’s what ANY God (not just the God of MY understanding) would do.   I don’t believe in punishing Gods.  I believe in a loving, compassionate and faithful God.

I would then make plans to have my dogs taken care of.  I would make plans to visit all of my family and friends.

I was also thinking that had I know Todd was going to die BEFORE he died, I would not be any less devastated.   I’m sure his family wouldn’t be less devastated either.  Death is death.  Whether we see it coming or it hits us from outta the blue.  There is no easy way about it.  Death is a part of life.  Unfortunately, some lives are extinguished long before they should be.

I believe everyone needs to take a step back and look at their own lives and forgive those who have hurt them.   It takes more time and energy to hate someone than it does to forgive them and just ignore them.  Or who knows, maybe once forgiveness shows up, the person won’t seem like such a ‘tard after all.

Just my way of thinking.  Hate takes so much energy.  I have a tough time building my energy withOUT hating anyone.  *le sigh*  Could you imagine how much LESS energy I’d have if I fed my hatred of people?  GAH.  Not worth it.

Life is too short to be so angry or so “affronted” by other people.

This post is all about me.  It has nothing to do with you, you or you.  Even though it was inspired by some current events, this is all about me.

Until next time…

I’ve decided my job is very difficult. I’m sure I’ve mentioned how hard it is before. I won’t go into details. Some of the work is not hard at all, it’s just VERY time consuming. Unlike the PD in Vegas, they (being the command staff and what not) don’t seem very open to change. Unless it’s just because it’s coming from the newbie (that would be me), ya know? I’ll stick around a bit, learning it their way and then beg for some changes at some point.

I stopped to get gas after work and then off to the grocery store. I just couldn’t hold off any longer. Unfortunately, I left my list here at home, so I crossed my fingers and ventured into Super Walmart. I got a few things on my list and then a few things NOT on the list. I did NOT, however, spend more than $80. SAH WEEEEEET!!!

I finally brought the boxes of registration packet stuff from the conference upstairs. It’s been in my trunk since the end of June. LOL Lazy, much? When I did that, I condensed everything down to two smaller boxes and now I’m trying to figure out what to do with all this stuff. It was not purchased with my money and they have stickers all over them. I’m thinking of just trashing them, but I need to talk to someone before I do that. If I ever have room, I want an elliptical in my apartment or wherever I’m living.

I’ve started collecting some pictures and framed art to take to work. Since I have my own office now, I can “nest” a little bit more and hang some pictures. I’ve got one of my Asian pictures (the one that fell off the wall a few weeks ago) and some of the stuff from my job in Vegas (a few plaques and what not).

I’m glad I have my own little office. I will eventually feel more comfortable, I’m sure. Although right now, I feel kind of disconnected since my co-worker and I were right next to each other for 2 months. Now we are in different offices.

Here are two shots from my office.

This shot is looking in my office from the hallway. The picture on that back wall is NOT mine. It’s a Kentucky Derby painting that belongs to my trainer.

This is to the left of my desk in the last picture. It’s a small bookshelf (obviously) and on top of that bookshelf, you can see a few pictures I’ve already put up. The one closest to us is of me and my mom getting onto our cruise to Hawaii in 2005.

Until next time…

To say I’m confused about the behavior of someone at work, is an understatement. For weeks, I have been butting heads with my trainer, who has this way of making me feel even more stupid than *I* make me feel stupid. I was constantly getting fussed at, snapped at and talked down too.

Today? Suddenly, I’m the Golden Child. I’m “catching on so fast.” I am also “doing really well and if there is something wrong, it’s fixable and not to be worried about.” Huh. Well alright then.

I slept like shit last night. Period. There is no other way to explain it. The thunderstorm kept me up until a little after midnight. The lightning was so intense, it lit up my room and woke me up every time. The thunder was not extremely loud, it sounded like it was off in the distance.

I finally dragged my ass out of bed at 6am today, that would be why there is no morning post. After I got out of bed, I sat on the couch until 6:30. To say I was pushing the time limits on getting ready for work, would be correct.

I seem to get more acne now that I’m in my late 30’s then I ever did when I was a teenager. What’s up with that? At least there are tons of acne treatment stuff out there to help me out if I decide on it.

I was busy all day, finishing up the balancing act known as my job. I balanced the sick leave stuff last week, and I finished balancing the personal time stuff today. I then attacked the vacation database, where I have to post all the vacations that the people have chosen. I got communications done and I’m now working on the firefighters. It’s going to take me days just to finish the July vacations.

I’ve gotten a lot of my personal stuff moved into my office. It’s arranged the way I want it, thanks to our custodian who helped me rearrange. Now I will wait to complete the move when the IT guys (I use that term loosely) move my computer and printer in there.

I’m relaxing until I leave for my meeting tonight. I considered taking a nap, but if I lay down, I don’t think I’ll get back up for the meeting. LOL

Until next time…

I went to bed a little before 10pm. I tossed and turned for a good 30 minutes before getting frustrated and coming out here to the living room.

I’m just grateful tomorrow is NOT payroll Monday, so I don’t have to get to the office at 6am.

I’m currently watching the news and WOW! I thought the little thunderstorm that rolled over was loud and weird earlier, but it turns out it’s done quite a bit of damage in the south end of the Ville.

I’m going to be moving at work this week. I have a little cubicle that I’ve filled up in the last two months. I get to move that into my new office. This is, of course, after cleaning out the office I’m going into.

I really do need to go back to bed and try to sleep. My alarm goes off at 5:30, which is coming up quick, ya know? It doesn’t help that there are some severe thunderstorms going on south and west of me. There is a tornado warning west of the Ville in southern Indiana. I hope there is no funnel cloud and I hope there is not too much damage to the area.

I’m going to go watch the news a bit and then head back to bed.

Until next time….

Right before I went into church this morning, my phone beeped at me and it said I had a voicemail waiting.  WTF?  My phone never rang this morning.   I called my VM to check and it turns out the message was left last night at about 6pm.  Again, WTF?  I never heard my phone rings.

As I was listening to the VM from my sponsor in Vegas, I started crying.  A beloved member of Gamblers Anonymous in Las Vegas has passed away.

He was struggling with health issues for quite some time and he finally succumbed to those problems on Friday evening.   Bill H. entered the program on August 1, 2001.    At first he was quiet and shy, broken.  Just like most of us are when we first go into the rooms.

He quickly built up a support group and was learning how to build friendships as well.   He was wonderfully funny and enthusiastic about life.

He will be missed by many and loved by most that he came into contact with.   He was in the VA hospital down in San Diego when he passed.  Two fellow GA members were holding his hands when he took his last breath.

My heart goes out to his family and loved ones who knew and loved him best.  My prayers are with them right now.

I’ve done some crying since I found out and I’m glad I was going to church when I found out.  I was in the right place at the right time.

Thanks for letting me share.

When I decided not to accomplish anything yesterday, I kept thinking of what I could do to waste the time.  After burning the fish and leaving a lovely fucking smell in my apartment for the majority of the day, I ordered pizza and watched PS I Love You.

After PS I Love You, I remained on the couch watching TV and ended up falling asleep until my mom called at about 9pm.   It turns out that our house in Vegas has been sold.  For about $180k less than what we owed.  Countrywide ended up sending mom a letter offering a better payment and loan, something we could have afforded.   Too little too late, if you ask me.   They refused to help us while we were trying to stay in the house.  They refused to give us a better loan with a better rate with a more affordable payment.  And we WANTED to stay in the house back then.   Fuckers.

I’m glad this chapter is almost closed for mom, so she can move forward and not worry so much about what’s going on with the house back in Vegas.

Moving on to PS I Love You.   Hilary Swank, Lisa Kudrow, Gerard Butler, Jeffrey Dean Morgan, Harry Connick, Jr, Kathy Bates, James Marsters (Spike from Buffy the Vampire Slayer fame!) and Gina Gershon.  All star cast.

The movie had me laughing and crying within one scene.   It was well made, well acted and I loved it.  The eye candy was painful.  It HURTS me that Jeffrey Dean Morgan is so bloody cute.  AND have you heard he’s coming back to Grey’s Anatomy?  Ummm yeah, Denny is dead.  I can’t wait to see how Shonda Rimes pulls that one out!

Today, after church and finishing up the stuff I did not do yesterday, I’m going to watch Waitress.  After that, I can then send these two movies back to Netflix and get my next two films on my list.   I’m considering changing my account there to just get one at a time.  It will save me a bit of money.  I have my monthly subscription for it coming out of my Paypal, so I don’t even notice when it’s paid, but it would still save me some much needed money.

Did you hear that Shannon Doherty is bringing Brenda Walsh back to the new 90210??  WHEEEEE  Right now there are four original cast members planning on returning.  Three of them are women.  Fuck that.  Give me some David, Steve, Brandon and Dylan!!!!   Kelly, Donna, Brenda and Nat (owner of the Peach Pit).  While I loved Nat’s character, not so much in the eye candy department.

I really need to go get ready for church now.  Even though I have an hour and a half before I have to leave, if I don’t get ready now, I might not go at all.  Which is not good since I missed last week.

Until next time…

When I remember that I have it? Stuffr is fucking awesome! I love using this to post on my blogs. And my brother (who RAWKS) has come out with a newer version.

When I remember that I have it, I love to use Stuffr to post on this blog and on Shutterbuggin (which, BTW, is a year old now!).

Here’s to hoping I remember I have it all the time!

Until next time…

peee essss I know I just posted a few minutes ago. But I had forgotten about the new version of Stuffr, so I felt obligated to post again. Like I need an excuse to post. LOL

I almost burned my apartment down.  Not seriously, but boy was it smoky in here!   I decided to fry up some tilapia.  I have all that fish in my freezer and so today I decided to cook some up.  Yeah.  It didn’t go too well.  Last time I cooked it, I baked it and it came out delish.

This time, not so much.  I burned the shit out of that fish.  I decided I didn’t want to try to cook something else, so I ordered pizza from Pizza Hut.  It should be here in about 20 minutes.  I ordered a pizza, some breadsticks and some of the cinnamon sticks.  YUMMEH!!!

I’m drinking a Rolling Rock beer right now.  I only have two left in the fridge, might as well get rid of em.  Right?

I did not do one damned thing on my list.  Not one.  I fought a migraine most of the day, so I just kind of stayed low and relaxing.  I ran some errands (read:  went to get cigarettes and ship something I sold on ebay) and then came home.  That’s when I tried to burn the place down.  Bleh.

I’m listening to the Yankees/A’s game right now.  Bottom of the 10th, tied at 3.  Jeter just got a base hit.  I love him.  Just sayin.

I have so much shit to do and here I am procrastinating.  Blah blah blah.  The meeting last night was awesome.  Got a lot of good therapy out of it.  I’m glad I went.

Off to do a whole lot of nothing again and finish watching this game.  TTFN.

Until next time…