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Archive for September, 2008

Finding my way back

My attitude is slowly changing. I can feel it. Even though I’m still fighting it. I’ll get to where I need to be as long as I keep doing what I’m doing.

I’m going to start journaling again, not just on here. There are some thoughts and emotions I just don’t feel like sharing on here anymore. Every now and then, I feel like I share too much of myself on here. But then I think, it’s my blog, my journal, I can share whatever I want.

I went to the doctor today. I have a sinus infection and am now on antibiotics and Nasonex again for that. I’m also supposed to take Mucinex D twice a day (which I had already started doing a few days ago).

We discussed my heartburn/acid reflux and she gave me another script for Nexium. Nexium is the ONLY thing that has worked for me, yet it was never covered by insurance. However, this time it was covered!!!! I paid only $40.00 instead of the full price of $193! WHEEEEE My doctor and I didn’t even need to fight the insurance company on it, they just covered it!

We also discussed the fact that my insurance company does not cover Lexapro unless I’ve tried something different, or a generic. Since there is no generic of Lexapro, she has started me on Celexa. She says it’s very similar Lexapro and came out before Lex did. We’ll see how that goes! Maybe it will even work better than Lexapro!

I’m going back Friday morning (before I eat or drink anything) to have some blood work done.

I was looking at a mobile router online. I have no idea why, it just looked interesting to me I suppose.

I am going to bed now because I have to go to work an hour early tomorrow to start making up the 2.5 hours I missed today cause of the doctor’s appointment.

Until next time…

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Where did my acceptance go?

I used to always say that as long as I “accept” whatever situation, I could get through anything and be OK. As long as I found the acceptance level and became willing to just let it be and not try to control the situation, I would be alright.

I lost my acceptance. I lost my willingness. The second I found out I might miss Thanksgiving with my family, I lost my mind. I became angry and frustrated. I became fitful and depressed. I started feeling like a little kid, stomping my feet when my parents make me do something I don’t want to do.

I went to a 7 year birthday GA meeting last night. It was awesome and I know I needed to be there. My sponsor (that would be GB for those not in the know) cornered me after the meeting and said some things I needed to hear. I didn’t want to hear what he had to say, but I sure needed it.

Once again, he helped open my eyes and look in that mirror I’ve been pushing away. The addict inside of me has been acting out lately. I don’t want a second job, so I’ve been fighting tooth and nail finding one, while my financial situation gets worse and worse.

I’ve explored a few options and outside of living with a stranger (ie: getting a roommate into this tiny apartment), I need that second job. I need to make more money than I’m making now. I’m barely making my essential bills with what I’m making right now. Something has to give.

I’ve looked into that other apartment. I went over the deposit stuff yesterday and I was going to do it this week. I had just enough to pay the application fee and the security deposit. And then I realized I have my cell phone bill, power bill and cable bill that need to be paid this week. I had to weigh the options. Which one was more important? I’m paying the bills.

I’m going to call the apartment complex tomorrow and see if they could hold it until my next payday, when I know I’d be able to pay the $250 without hurting the bills situation. I’ll also suggest I pay the application fee now and then the security deposit on my next payday. Cross your fingers on that one!

Somewhere along the line here in Kentucky, I let my all important acceptance go out the window. I find myself feeling frustrated, lonely, angry and “attacked.” I sometimes feel like I’m being punished for moving here, which I know is not true.

I’ve been missing church and I need to get back. I need to get back in there and find my spiritual level of acceptance and willingness. I lost it somewhere.

I have a doctor’s appointment this morning, so I’m going to work late. I’ll work an hour over tonight and then go in an hour early tomorrow and make up the time.

I need to push the Avon stuff, so I can start seeing some sort of income from that. I think I’ve seen about $20 from it. Unless I’m missing something, that isn’t much to speak of for the last 6 weeks.

It’s Tuesday, which means it’s Platoon 2 day. This is my favorite day for eye candy at work. WHEEEE

Until next time…

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Is this a sign?

I’ve been preparing to apply for that apartment for sometime now. First, I didn’t have the $ for the application fee and then the power there went out for a week. Now? Not only do they want the $50 for the application fee, but a $200 security deposit, just in case I get approved. This way, they could hold the apartment for me. *le sigh*

I definitely have the application fee (cause mom gave that to me and I’ve been holding onto it) and as for the security deposit? Well GB owes me some money from the last of the spreadsheets I did for him and a sale he made on one of my leads on those spreadsheets. This will take me to the total amount I need for the security deposit AND the application fee. WHEEEEE

One small problem with all of this. I have a doctor’s appointment tomorrow morning, which will take some money and if she puts me on any medications, I’m going to have to push the application stuff back. And I don’t know that they would hold it for me until my next payday, which I would definitely be able to have the money. I’m OK with all of this. I’m OK with the way this is going.

My current apartment manager said I could go month to month without any monthly fees until I get into wherever I move too. I’ve been trying to focus on the positive in this whole situation and most of the time, I do pretty well at it.

Today, I’m focusing on the negative quite a bit and I’m trying to force myself to stop. I’d love to spill it all here, vent all my frustrations and fears and what not. Maybe some other time. I’m in one of my moods where I want to share, but don’t feel the need to share.

I don’t have much more to say really unless I get into all the emotions going on inside of me and I just don’t feel like dealing with them right now. So I’m going to go isolate for a bit until my GA meeting tonight!

Until next time…

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I just feel like rambling

Miss Monique and I were discussing the holidays and all the food consumed during that time of year. I have learned that both she and I dislike green bean casserole something fierce. Just one more thing she and I have in common!

I’m washing the third load of clothes and drying the second. I have one more load of clothes to do and then my towels and my sheets will be done last. I went through my closet and organized all my shoes. Even after Josie and Chloe destroyed quite a few pairs of shoes, I still have a bunch I can wear. These are shoes that have just been sitting in my closet since I moved here. I might as well show them off cause some of them are HOT!

I hung my Halloween costume up in the closet, although I need to hand wash it and what not. I might do that sometime today as well, so I can get that done. I need to find some sore of tights or body slimmer to wear under it, to smooth things out, if you know what I mean. LOL Avon actually has some cute ones I might try.

I think today I’m going to just do laundry and then watch all the shows I DVR’d this past week that I did not get to watch. Once I do that, I can delete them off the DVR and make room for this week’s shows!

I missed church again this morning because of how I’m feeling. I don’t want to be hacking up a lung while I’m sitting there listening to Pastor Dave or Pastor Kyle, ya know?

Until next time…

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Weekend wrap up!

YAY!!! I love it when NYC Watchdog snacks on me! After all this time, it still makes me feel all mushy inside! Thanks Dawg!

I did not sleep well last night. I spent most of the night coughing and hacking. I think I fell asleep for a few hours somewhere in there, but I got up every few hours to go into the bathroom and get a drink of water. It really didn’t help my coughing. I feel all congested this morning and yucky.

I had a GREAT weekend! It was so awesome spending Friday evening with Miss Monique and Miss Laci. Saturday, it was just me and Miss Monique. We did some window shopping, found my Halloween costume and were gone from the apartment for about 4 hours. We took a nap and then went down to 4th Street Live to check out what all the hub-bub is about for that area of Downtown Louisville. Ummm yeah, I was not very impressed.

We ate a late dinner at The Pub (a British Pub with AWESOME atmosphere and food). After that, we just came back here and watched some TV and gabbed until almost midnight.

I had a great birthday weekend and next week, will be awesome cause Miss Monique is coming back down here for my Birthday Surprise, which I posted about earlier. Make sure you click that link in the previous post so you know what my Birthday Surprise is going to be. I need to save some money and make sure I take lots of $1 bills. LOL

I’m doing my laundry and organizing some of my Avon stuff. The new catalog I got, which starts Campaign 22, is all Christmas-centric! I’m going to hand them out this week at work and keep pushing for some Avon sales!

I find it disconcerting that at the age of 39, I’ve consider purchasing acne products. I don’t remember having as many problems with acne as I have right now.

If you’ve noticed, I’ve been working on using Stuffr! It’s a great blogging tool and I love it when I use it. I tend to forget about it though and go through spurts of using it. My brother worked really hard on it, so I’m going to work really hard on supporting it and letting you all know about it!

Until next time…

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Moving a little slow this morning

I was in bed and asleep by midnight last night, with my alarm set for 7am today so we could hit the road early to go to that college football game up north.  Ummm, yeah, we’ll be missing the college football game I think.  We discussed it and decided we were not in the mood to drive all that way and be annoyed with all the people.

There is a walkathon for GA today, so we might try that.  We’ll find something to do that will fill up our day, I’m sure!

A few days ago, Miss Laci asked me if I had anything on my calendar for October 4th.  I said I did not and she informed me that I do now.  Hmmm OK.  She kept calling it my “birthday surprise.”  Whatev.  I’m not big on asking about surprises.  I figure I’ll find out when I’m supposed to find out, ya know?  Last night, they informed me of my “birthday surprise” and I just have to say I am SOOOOOO EXCITED!!!!!!  You can click on that link and you’ll see WHY I’m so excited!  October 4th will be a fun evening, for sure! Miss Monique will be coming down here again to go with us!  WHEEEEE!  The only thing that would make this a better plan would be if Miss Lucy could be here with us!

I did not wake up with a hang over, thankfully!  Those martinis I had last night were so freaking yummy!  And they were quality made too, I could just tell the difference!

I saw that the Yankees romped the Red Sox 19 to 8 or something like that last night.  *le sigh*  A little late in the season to be doing that now that they are eliminated from the play offs for the first time in 13 years.

I need to go put some make up on, once Miss Monique is done in the shower and then dry my hair.  If we do the walk, I’ll probably just be putting it up anyway, but I want to dry it before doing that.

Until next time…

Birthday wrap up

As you all know, today is my birthday.  I turned 39 years old.  I was feeling sorry for myself, I was not looking forward to 1) working on my birthday and 2) being away from all my friends in Vegas.

Miss Monique came down to the spend the night and surprised me by picking up Miss Laci on her way here!  YAY!!!

So I had two of my bitches with me for my birthday!  I wish Miss Lucy could have been here too, that would have made it a perfect day!

At work, my co-workers came into my office half an hour before I left to sing me happy birthday and give me a 3 Musketeer candy bar with a candle in it.  It was really sweet.

Miss Monique, Miss Laci and I went to my GA meeting and then we went to Buffalo Wild Wings for a late dinner and some cocktails.  I had two Pomegranate Martinis.  I’m in love with that cocktail right there. WOW!

We played some trivia and hung out for a bit.  We are now home and I’m getting ready to hit the sack.  Miss Monique and I are getting up early for the MSU/IU game in Bloomington tomorrow.  It’ll take us about 2 hours to get there, so we will be leaving fairly early.  Blech.

I’m hoping I don’t have a hang over.  In order to avoid said hang over, I need to go to sleep now.  G’nite.

Until next time…

I am all I need to be

Today I will remember that by God’s grace, I am all I need to be ~ Unknown

I just realized a few minutes ago I had not posted all day. YIKES! There is rarely a day I go without posting something here on the blog. Whether it be a well thought out post, a rambling post puking my emotions onto this page or a meme. This will most likely be one of the rambling posts because putting together a coherent thought right now just seems like too much work.

I had a pretty good day at work. I was busy, as usual during payroll week. Our air conditioner went out though and so it made it very stuffy and hot in the office.

The Fire Marshall of the City retired today. Well, he actually retires at the beginning of December, but he has so much vacation time that his last day is tomorrow. He had 43 years on the fire department.

I’ve had a headache all day that I’ve been trying to ignore. My allergies are really bugging right now and it seems to be a trend at work. A few of my co-workers are going through the same thing. Blech.

Miss Monique is going to be here tomorrow night!! YAY!!! I don’t have to spend my birthday by myself! I have to be honest and say I have not really looked forward to my birthday this year. First, I’m 1700 miles away from friends I’ve had for 10+ years. Second, 15 years ago on my birthday, Mimi passed away. Mimi is my mom’s mom. She was so pettite and beautiful. I miss her and I think about her often.

I took some generic sudafed for my headache about 20 minutes ago and I’m hoping it kicks in soon.

It seems that every store I go into has Alli displayed everywhere near the pharmacy.

Grey’s Anatomy starts tonight and I’m not going to stay up to watch it. GASP! I’m recording it, so I can watch it tomorrow or over the weekend. It’s not one of the shows I HAVE to watch on the day it airs, like Heroes. If I miss Heroes on a Monday I get all squirrely.

I’m going to go lay on the couch and watch Survivor.

Until next time…

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Violence is not the answer….

Today I’ll remember that by God’s grace, I am all I need to be ~ Unknown

I’m sticking that quote in each post until I remember it without having to read the little sticky stuck to my monitor!  I love it.

Yeah.  OK.  I’m feeling violent.  I’ve offered to kick the asses of several people today.  Once, I offered for Lucy when someone at work hurt her feelings.  And the second time, just now to Colin Brooks cause someone annoyed him.  Hmmmm  Something is going on with me.

I need a meeting.  I know I need a meeting.  I’m signed up to chair the Friday night meeting and that will be my first meeting in 2 weeks.  I’ve been sick or I’ve been low on gas and have not been able to go.  I’ve been going easy on my gas usage because I don’t have money in the bank to go get some.   Friday morning, I will be filling up the tank!  Friday is payday.  This is a good thing!

I’ve also been feeling very violent towards my downstairs neighbors.  For months it’s been quiet down there, rarely making noise, etc.  Suddenly, the last week has been full of noise.  Their dog constantly barks when they aren’t home and when they are home, the people are slamming around.  They slam their sliding glass door shut, they open and close their closet doors loudly and they slam their cupboards and doors shut.  It’s annoying and pissing me off.

I seriously need a meeting.  I’ve talked to a few GA members on the phone today.  I’ll do that again tomorrow.

I am definitely feeling better, I kept forgetting to call the doctor to make an appointment.

Until next time…

The butterfly effect

Today I will remember that by God’s grace, I am all I need to be. ~ Unknown

I watched my two episodes of Heroes from last night.  YAY!  I’m so glad Heroes is back.  I was a little confused on a few of the things, but I would just rewind it a bit and figure it out.  I don’t think anything will ever compare to their first season, but I’ll keep watching it.  There was a line in the show that I liked and it was also the name of the episode (post title).  Mrs. Petrelli said “when you step on a butterfly today, 3 years from now 1 million people die/suffer”  I’m paraphrasing cause I forgot the exact line.

I’m watching BH 90210 right now on SoapNet and when that’s done, I’m going to watch the episode of Terminator:  The Sarah Connor Chronicles from last night as well.

I tried calling my doctor three times today from work, to make an appointment.  I was left on “hold of death” for 20 minutes each time.  I had work to do so I hung up.   I’ll try again tomorrow morning.

While I’m feeling a lot better than I have been recently, I think it’ll be a good idea to get into the doctor anyway to at least have my sinuses looked at and what not.

I have my eye on someone at work.  He’s single.  He’s cute.  Don’t ask me anything else cause my memory seems to get fuzzy when I try to describe him.   Sounds dorky, I know, but you’ll get over it.  I got to talk to him on the phone today and swooned.  I had sent an email about work stuff and on his day off, he called me instead of emailing me back.  I did not mind, but you know I flirted a little.

I’m going to go watch TSCC now.

Until next time…