The Soda Stand

Archive for February, 2009

I started something tonight after work.   I started a three day pampering session for myself.  Tonight, I went over to a little nail shop by my apartment and got a full set of pink and white nails.  I love having my nails back, although I’m struggling with the typing thing with them on right now.

Tomorrow night after work, I’m going back to said nail shop and am getting a pedicure.  I haven’t had a pedicure since November 2007.  Not counting the ones I’ve half assedly given myself.

Friday after work, I’m going back to the nail salon – they have massages!  They hired a lady to do the massages (yeah I’m having trouble remembering the title).

I got my tax refund today, 3 days early!  Errr, two days early!  I wasn’t supposed to get it until Friday, but it showed up today in my bank account.  YAY!

I had a fairly decent day at work, it was a little on the boring side, but nothing major happened and I was left alone to do my own thing.  Coworker is in a training class for two days, so it’s just me, the Trainer and Manager Lady.

I’ve been looking at my nails here and I’ve decided she did too much of the “white” at the tips of the nails.  Hmmm owell.  I think Nail Lady in Vegas has spoiled me as far as getting nails done.  She did my nails so well, I don’t think I’ll ever find someone to compare to her work, ya know?

I took a hot bath tonight while I compiled a list of questions in my head.  I have my physical with my doctor next week and I want to make sure I get all of my concerns addressed.  The only way for me to do that is if I make a list and take it with me.

I’ve also found out that the two meds I’m on are now on a list that have to be “pre approved” by the insurance company before they pay for them.  WTF?!?

I am planning on starting Body 4 Life again after my physical.   I am going to start eating the foods off of their list that I like (I absolutely refuse to eat foods I don’t like for the sake of losing weight).  I’m also going to start working out.  Even if I can’t afford to join a gym, I can start walking and what not.  However, I’m sure I can find work out equipment.  I’ll just sweet talk the Platoon 2 Captain into letting me use the room downstairs.

I miss working out.  I miss feeling good about myself physically and I miss sleeping well.  I used to sleep pretty well, except for a day here or there, when I was working out regularly.

When I go shopping tomorrow, I’m going to look at some weight loss products. More like protein bars and shakes and the like. Not really looking for a diet pill or anything like that.

I’m going to go grab my book and head to bed.  I have not slept well the last several nights (about 5 actually) and I’m trying to get to bed earlier and earlier until I start sleeping well again!

Until next time…

I had a good day at work, for the most part.   I was just exhausted and could hardly think straight from not really sleeping last night.

Today, the Chief gave his “address” of the division and so we were trying to watch it in our conference room, but it wasn’t working, so we headed down to the firehouse to watch it.

My favorite person was there and we smiled and said hello.   I sat somewhere behind him while we watching the address.   During this time, my exhausted, baffled, confused mind started to take a shit all over my emotions.

I started getting frustrated and angry at the situation with these two guys.   I just about lost it there in the room full of firefighters.   I held myself together, long enough to watch the end of the address, grab my coffee cup and go back upstairs.

I didn’t say anything to anyone when I left.  I then went into the bathroom and cried.   I kept thinking to myself there is no crying in a firehouse! But I cried for a bit and then I went to my office.  My favorite person was gone and then suddenly I was upset at myself for avoiding him and basically fucking “hiding” from him.

I then finished the day out and came home at 4pm.   I’m spent.  I feel completely and totally empty right now.   I’m going to be taking a hot bubble bath soon.  I’m going to turn my music on, light some candles and just lay there.   I may even let myself cry a little bit more.

I was given an invite from a friend in Vegas to join an online social network for people in recovery!  OMFG!!!  Coolest thing ever!!!!! I’ve already made some friends on there and reconnected with a few people I know from New York.  YAY!!!!  More ways for me to stay connected!  Love it!

I’m going to go take that bath now.

Until next time…

Normally, when I get home from work, I put on my sweatpants and a t shirt or sweatshirt (depending on how cold it is).  I then get a bottle of water and sit down at the computer for an evening of games on Facebook and Twittering with my friends.

Tonight?  I got home, put on the above attire and played a few games on Facebook.  I then sat on my couch with Law & Order playing in the background and started reading Jude Deveraeux’s latest book Secrets.

I became so engrossed, I’ve only gotten up and come to the computer twice since I started reading a few hours ago.

I have not felt this relaxed after work in a very long time.  I had prepared this letter earlier today, directed at someone who has not really left me alone after asking him too.   I was ready to sit down at my computer and fire that puppy off the second he texted or emailed me tonight.

Somehow, I lucked out and I have not been bothered tonight.  This pleases me, yet I’m looking over my shoulder (not literally) waiting for the next shoe to drop.  I keep expecting this person’s behavior to continue in the same pattern as normal and I get edgy and fidgety.

So tonight, I decide to break a few of my patterns.   It felt wonderful being in my living room, sitting on my couch and reading.  I think I’m going to go back to that activity right now.

I’ve been thinking of saving money and going to Vegas in September.  They are having a mini convention for GA and I’d love to see all my GA friends for that.   I was looking at atravel insurance quote and my brain started hurting. So I stopped.

Until next time…

I woke up this morning in a panic.  For whatever reason, I thought today was payroll Monday when I first woke up.   It took me a good 30 seconds to realize I was NOT late and it was NOT payroll today.  Sheeesh.  How sad is that?

I had a very relaxing day yesterday.   I did some housework and got my kitchen all cleaned and started organizing more of the crap that used to sit on book shelves throughout my apartment.   I’m going to be working on that project for awhile I think.

I watched the Daytona 500 and was very disappointed in the outcome.  I do not like rain finishes.   I guess if my fave driver was sitting at #1 when they red flagged it, my attitude might be a little different.  But still, I do not like the rain finishes.

Today is President’s Day and most places are getting a holiday today.  I, on the other hand, am not.   Today is not one of the 8 federal holidays we get at the FD.  And I’m OK with that.  Even in Vegas, I worked on some of the smaller, nonfamily related holidays like today.

Hope you have a great day today, whether you are working or not.

Until next time…

This will be me today.  Hopefully I don’t sleep through the Daytona 500!

I woke up entirely too early. I didn’t go to sleep until 1am and I didn’t sleep well. At 7:30, I was wide awake, tossing and turning, trying to get just a little more shut eye. It didn’t work and I was up and out of bed before 8am.

I’m enjoying my morning coffee, I’ve read the feeds in my google reader and now I’m looking around my apartment thinking I need to clean. It’s a bit of a mess and driving me batshit crazy.

My day yesterday was okay. I did laundry, took a nap and then went grocery shopping at like 8:30 last night. I decided to go cause I was going crazy being in the apartment. I got almost everything on my list and nothing that was NOT on the list.

The rest of the stuff will have to be bought at Kroger’s because for some reason Super Walmart doesn’t carry some of the stuff I need. Whatev.

My hands have been swollen lately. Even with wearing my braces, they get all swollen and look like little sausage links. HAET! However, they don’t really hurt, which I’m kinda happy about!

Off to get more coffee and then start cleaning up this pigsty I call my home.

Until next time…

I got sleep until 9am today!  Although I would have loved to sleep longer, Josie just wouldn’t let me as she was needing to go outside and she is whiny and needy when that happens.

I’m drinking my morning coffee and thinking I need to get some energy soon.  I have a buttload of laundry to take over to the room and I have grocery shopping to do.  I must do all this today because tomorrow I will be sitting in front of the TV watching NASCAR all day.

Speaking of NASCAR, it was 10 years ago tomorrow that I watched my first NASCAR race.  I had never really paid attention to it and was invited to a party.  I went and then asked the hostess what I’m supposed to cheer for, cause ya know it’s nothing like the other sports I watch as often as possible.  She told me to pick a driver/car and then follow that person’s career.  So I did.  I picked the #20 Home Depot of Tony Stewart.

I have been a Tony Stewart fan from that day forward.   I don’t watch it as much as I used too, but I do enjoy sitting down for the “big” races like the Daytona 500 tomorrow.

I’m also really excited because an old friend from Multi Comm and I are planning on going to the Brickyard 400 practice and qualifying in Indy this July.   We are going to be down in the pit areas and meeting the drivers!  OMFG!!!  If I get to meet Tony Stewart I will die right there and then.

I’ve heard a nasty rumor that today is Valentine’s Day.   Hope ya’ll have a great day, whatever you and your s/o do.  Enjoy the day and take time to love each other.

Until next time…

Today is Self-Love Day!  Miss Hilly is the originator of this type of post.

Here’s how it works:  Post this banner or one of the other one’s from Hilly’s blog and then post one thing you love about yourself.   After doing this, ask your readers to comment and list at least one thing they love about you.

Even today it’s very difficult to list something that I really like/love about myself.

The one thing I’m going to list is my courage.  I moved 1700 miles away from everyone and everything I ever knew in my life and I’m still here.  I’ve survived some hard times and I’ve kept putting one foot in front of the other and I have not given up.

Courage to me, is not having a lack of fear, but being able to do something anyway, even if you are afraid.  Walking through the fear of failure has shown me that I’m much stronger and courageous than I gave myself credit for.

On the more lighter side of this (since I got serious up there for a minute), I love my eyes too.  They are green with little specs of brown in them.  Awesome!

OK, you’re turn!  List one thing in the comments you like about me.

Come on, stroke my ego for me would ya?

Until next time…

Today was a S.H.I.T. day.  S.H.I.T. now stands for Sure Happy It’s Thursday!  Heehee I laughed so hard when I heard that at work today, I almost peed in my pants.

I have a halfway decent day, even after having to go to a budget meeting because Manager Lady is in Denver for a few days and the Trainer has another meeting to attend.

Oh let me tell you how fun this budget meeting was.  Ummm yeah, it wasn’t.

I turned off my alarms this morning and ended up sleeping late.  I woke up on my own at 6:30.  I was a little rushed this morning getting ready for work.

It, surprisingly, did not set the tone for my day.  My day was lazy and calm and serene.  I quite enjoy days like that.

I went to my meeting last night and I dropped the resentments I was holding against the meetings here.  Resentments only hurt the person who holds onto them.   I expressed myself in my normal way and someone asked me to tell him how I feel.  LOL  I laughed at him because seriously, I don’t think I could have been anymore clear.

I also shared that I need to stop comparing the meetings here to those that are in Las Vegas.  The meetings in Las Vegas are so big, they are run like the AA and NA meetings are run here.   The GA meetings here are so small, they believe there is room to “wiggle” with the structure of the meetings.

I disagree.

However, since I can’t change what they do or say, I can only do my best to bring a little structure to their world in the way of the format that I have printed up and ready to go to the next business meeting.

As I was walking across the parking lot of the church, a huge wind gust came up behind me and almost knocked me down.  As I regained my balance, my mind raced to figure out what district I was in and who I would have to face if I fell and broke my ass.  Uhhh yeah, I was in the 3rd District and that would have been Major Hottie, if he was working yesterday.  That would have sucked ass, only cause he would have laughed at me and I would have been humiliated in front of the guy, ya know?

God!  Could you imagine?  I kept picturing myself falling, busting my ass and having to call 9-1-1.  The FD would have shown up before EMS, as usual and then I would have had to face several people that I knew.  And then they would have had to call the district chief cause I work for the city.  Yeah.  Not a good thing.  LOL

I’m grateful I didn’t fall over and bust my ass like I thought I was going too!

I am now going to go to bed, read a book and then sleep.  Tomorrow is Friday and this makes me incredibly giddy.

Until next time…

I’ve been very complacent with my recovery the last few weeks.  Once I found some excuses not to go, I just kept perpetuating those excuses.  It’s now been a full 3 weeks since my last GA meeting.

I’m going to the 7pm one tonight.  I’ll be leaving here in an hour or so.

While I recognized the complacency while I was in the middle of it, I just wasn’t willing to do something about it.

I don’t like the meetings here, and so that makes me not want to go.  I don’t like the lack of structure in the meetings here, so that makes me not want to go too.

The more I don’t want to go, the more I would find excuses to stay home.  Last week was the only time I had a legitimate excuse (they canceled all the meetings cause of the ice and snow).  The week before that and this current week?  I have no real excuse.  I was either sleeping or just not feeling it.  So I didn’t go.

In a way, I’m looking forward to the meeting tonight and in another way, I’m dreading it.

I’m going to go to an Al-Anon Adult Children’s meeting this week or next.  Time to start working on my co-dependency issues and all that other shit I brought into my adulthood from my childhood.

I now need to get some dinner before it’s time to leave for my meeting.

Until next time…