The Soda Stand

Archive for March, 2009

I almost fried my brain at work today!  OMFG!  I’ve been given a “project” by the Trainer.  I am to go back and make sure in the vacation database that I gave everyone the correct amount of days when the fiscal year started.  I did that, they are good with only one or two mistakes out of 480.

Once I finished that, she informed that between now and June 1, I need to go through all of the payroll folders (one per pay period) and make sure that the vacation I have posted in the database, matches the vacation on the payroll time sheets.  For all 487 of us.  OH MY FUCKING GAWD!!!!!!!

I started this portion of the assignment today.  Mind you, I still had all my other vacation stuff to do, worker’s comp stuff to do and get the payroll RA stuff ready.  I finished one pay period before I left at 4pm.   We’ve had 18 out of 26 pay periods so far.  By the time I finish those 18, I’m sure we’ll be on the 19th or 20th pay period, if not more.

I have to have it all done by June 1 – so I can start working on the purging of 2008/2009 stuff and get the database on ready on July 1 for 2009/2010.  Fun, fun, fun!

At 2pm, Co Worker and I headed over to the Spectrum for a small and short promotion ceremony for five of our members.   It was short and sweet.  I got to meet a few more people on the department and relax away from the office for a bit.

We finally got back to the office at 3:30 and I finished up the one pay period I was working on when we left.

Eventful, busy and productive day for me.   I’m even in a fairly good mood right now.

I’ve started working more on the budget stuff and I’m going to take it all one day at a time.  It’s very daunting and overwhelming and I’m sure I’ll be venting about it here as I go along.  I’ve started making a list of all my bills I haven’t been able to pay and their balances right now.  I’ll update it each month as we go and see what I can do.

I’ve never been able to live on a budget.  Hence my incredible lack of respect and disregard for money I bring in and money I send out each payday.

I’m looking forward to my weekly meeting tomorrow out in the Valley.  It’s really the only meeting I enjoy going too anymore, but I do sometimes just force myself to go to other meetings.  The Friday night meeting is the only one I’ve made on a regular basis (except the Awards Ceremony night) for the last month or so.

I’ve gone to all of the Intergroup meetings and Host Committee meetings (except one) in the last 3 months.   I’m working on myself and I know right now I’m struggling.  I also feel myself coming out of that funk and getting square with this new evolution of Sodapop.

I go through several evolutions of Sodapop throughout each year of recovery.   Each year of the last 8 have been different.  Some good, some bad and some neither good or bad – just change.

As long as I remain teachable and keep an open mind to listen to what people say to me, I’m good.   My side of the street is still clean, with a few little pieces of debris here and there that I need to clean off as I go along the street.

Until next time…

I’m a very self aware type of person.  I know when I’m going into a funk and I know when I’m struggling to get out of a funk.  My friends are usually there to guide me and nudge me in the right direction.  As I hope I can be there for them when they need it.

A few of my friends in Vegas used to be quite mean about it, sometimes down right cruel.  I’ll let you know this never worked for me LOL.  The meaner or more cruel they got, the more I shut down and stopped listening to them.

One thing they never did though, is think that I’m unapproachable.  I’m looking in my own mirror and judging myself enough without the judgment or taking my inventory from of others.  I’m good at that myself, don’t need anyone’s help with that.  LOL

I started thinking about something a very good friend said to me recently and so I started looking at the EAP website at work and am working on the budget thing.  I also got a link for a website for some jobs that a friend uses and I’ll be utilizing that as well.

However, right now?  I’m getting ready to go have dinner cooked for me.  He says he is making some chicken, veggies, salad, taters and home made mac n cheese.

I have my PFT test tomorrow morning.  YAY for getting to blow into a tube.  LOL  It will keep me on track tonight though since I can’t have anything after 8pm.

I was looking at these wall fountains I found pretty interesting. I hear they are very relaxing!

Until next time…

When I’m struggling with someone or something, I share about it on this blog or in email to mah bitches.  If I don’t get a response from something I send out several times in a row, I tend to shut down and stop sharing about that subject.  Right or wrong?  Who knows.   I know my friends love me and sometimes they just don’t know what to say.

All I know is that when I reach out and I’m ignored or have something thrown in my face, I tend to shut down and not want to share with that person anymore.

Not only does it hurt my feelings, but it makes me wonder why a nasty comment would even find it’s way into the responders email to me.  (if there is one)

I’ve made no secret I’m struggling with getting back to meetings.  I’ve made it no secret that I do not enjoy going to the meetings anymore and when I go, I get crankier because I feel obligated to be there and I hate feeling obligated. 

I rarely, if ever, find serenity there anymore.  Sad, yes, but it’s the truth.  I’ve been searching for the serenity I am missing in my life and I’m slowly starting to find it, even with not going to as many meetings as I was a few months ago.  I’ve started studying Tai Chi again and I’m meditating more.

Someone told me I don’t laugh as much as I used too.  Well damn.  If I had something to laugh about, I’m sure I’d be laughing.  I stopped talking about my financial situation on here because I had several emails from people telling me it was “getting old” and no one wanted to hear me whine.

Well I’ve decided to say fuck you to that logic.   It consumes my thoughts and my dreams.  It consumes my life as a whole.  I am in a horrible financial situation.  Horrible.  I don’t talk about it because all I hear is I’m sorry or I can’t help you. 

I can barely pay some bills each month.  I’ve started paying my car insurance bi-monthly because one month I don’t have the money and so the next month I HAVE to come up with said money.  And then I’m short on something else.

Yes, this is even with moving into the smaller apartment.  I don’t know how it’s gotten so bad, but I know I have not been over spending.  I’ve cut down on my grocery bill, I’ve cut down on my eating out and I’ve cut down on my cable (turned off Showtime).  I’m considering turning off the DVR and going to basic – it would help the situation a bit, I’m sure.

I currently have less than $20 in my checking to last me until next payday.  I just got paid on Friday the 13th.   I skipped paying my car insurance this month so I could go grocery shopping and have the bare minimum of food to make it through the next 2 weeks.

I am always playing catch up on one bill or another.  Every month I seem to skip one bill to pay another.  Robbing Peter to pay Paul.   Constantly.

I’ve been searching for a 2nd job and I’ve not been able to find one.  If I don’t hear back from the company in two weeks, I contact the contact person and am either told they are not hiring anymore or that they will get back to me.  So I follow up again and I hear the same story.   It’s discouraging for sure.

Once again, I’m just venting.  I’m not looking for sympathy, maybe just a little empathy.  I know there people out there who are struggling like I am fincancially and I just can’t be quiet about it anymore.  I kept thinking I was being ungrateful for what I have.  I have a good job, I have medical insurance and I’m getting a paycheck every two weeks.

It just doesn’t seem to be enough to live on.  I need to find that second job or I need to move somewhere to find a job that pays me more.  Period.  I’m not eligible for the big B because I did that once in 2001 due to my gambling debts.  I’ve considered it.  A lot.

Oh and Happy St. Patrick’s Day to everyone!

Until next time…

It’s no secret that I’ve been struggling with attending my GA meetings.  I’ve never made it a secret and I even recognize when I’m doing it.  it doesn’t make it easier for me to drag my ass off to that meeting.

This does not mean, however, that I’ve not been involved.  I’ve been working on the website quite often and I’ve been talking to my sponsor here and a few other members.  I’ve been working on getting back involved like I used to be and I’m struggling.  Period. 

I’ve been very complacent in my recovery as of late and I’m not proud of it.  Shit, I even cry about it quite often.  However, instead of getting angry at myself or taking my frustration out on everyone else, I keep praying and journaling and forcing myself to make phone calls to GA members.

I’m on the right path, I know what I need to do and I’ll get there eventually.  It takes what it takes, IMHO.

So I met the girl who used to live in my apartment last week and then last night, I met her male roommate.  They live across the parking lot from me in one of the townhouses.  They are both really nice people and invited me over for some cocktails and hanging out time when my laundry was done.

I headed over there with a few of my beers I had in the fridge to hang out.  Well, the girl was not there, so the male roommate and I sat down to start chatting and have a few cocktails.

I had a fantastic time and it appears I may be getting a date out of this.  However, I don’t know how well that will go with him living across the parking lot from me.  It may just end up being a nice friendship because if I notice any thing that makes me uncomfortable, I will stop it in it’s tracks.

I got home around 11pm and tossed and turned most of the night due to the amount of alcohol I consumed.  Ugh.  I’m too old for that shit!  I need to stop doing that to myself.  Seriously.

I’ve been working on vacation stuff all day today.  I’ve been tasked with going back to the beginning of the fiscal year and making sure all 480 people who have used vacation has been posted in the database.  Ugh!  Tedious!

Until next time…

Today is turning out to be a very busy day for me!  I got up and went to church this morning.  I’m glad I did, the music selection today was phenomenal.  The message was something I needed to hear as well.

Now that I’m home from church, I’m gathering all my stuff for laundry and a few GA meetings I have to attend.

The first one is the monthly intergroup (business) meeting where I’ll be presenting my suggested meeting format to the people there.  Immediately following that meeting is the Host Commitee meeting for the planning of the national convention next year.

I’m printing some stuff and putting together a little “progress” report for the group.

After I’m done with those two meetings, I have to go find me some rolls of quarters so I can do my laundry.

As you can see, this day is going to be busy for me!  I’ll be leaving here at 2pm to get to the intergroup on time and then I won’t be home for a few hours after that.   And all I really wanted to do was go to church and then do laundry.  Oh well.  Beggars can’t be choosers, right?

Until next time…

When I was younger and my friends and I would play the game Truth or Dare, they used to make fun of me because I rarely, if ever, chose Dare.

I don’t know why I would do that, but I was never one to like to dare people to do things they felt uncomfortable with. Or have someone dare me to do something I was uncomfortable with. Ya know?

You Are Truth

You are communicative, talkative, and honest to a fault. You love telling others about yourself, but not as much as you like hearing about them. You connect easily with strangers. You’re very open, and you can find common ground with people. You love to gossip and tell secrets. Telling all is how you get close to people.

It’s Friday!  YAY!  The work day is over, the work week is over.  Now I can concentrate on weekend stuff.  I need to do laundry, go grocery shopping and then I have the GA meeting for the host committee on Sunday.

I had a pretty good day at work today.  Although I got a little sad during part of it, I guess I’m just really disappointed things didn’t progress the way I would have liked them too with MH.  Ah well.  Life goes on and I’m sure there are other fish in the sea.  Right?

So the sadness and disappointment I was feeling got me to thinking.  What was it about this situation that had me wanting to hang on and look for any little tiny sign?

I realized that MH was the first guy I’d been that attracted too in over a year.  Before I moved here, I was all about just getting laid.  Then I moved here and decided to just work on myself, which I did.  And then I started that job and I noticed the eye candy all around me.   I would see one of the good looking guys and think “oh he’s cute.”

When I met MH, it was a little different “feeling” for me.  I don’t know what it was, but it hit me like a sledgehammer.   And then the more I got to know him, the more I liked him.   I started thinking about him all the time and I even found myself memorizing the platoon days he was on duty.   I looked forward to his little visits to my office.   I grinned like an idiot each and every time he left my office.

Now I find myself wanting to avoid him and not talk to him.  I realized why that is, today.  Actually I think I realized it a few weeks ago, but I’m finally putting it out there.   I found myself wanting to avoid him because he still makes me swoon and I get those butterflies in my stomach.   And I’d just rather not have those feelings anymore, ya know?   I don’t want to swoon every time I see him or deal with him about work related stuff.

There are tons of guys where I work that I could set my sights on.  I’m going to start working on that next week.  For today, I’m going to not worry so much about what I don’t have and focus on what I do have.

Until next time…

I am so bloody excited right now, I’m having trouble calming down!

The other day when my friend D found me on Facebook (one of the guys who used to take me to the gay club), I decided to look up R (the second of those two guys.)

I looked him up by the last name I knew of his and came up with a list of people, even with people NOT having that same last name, but alphabetically it went through a list.

I found this one person who looked just like R.  He was like a dead ringer for R!  I went out on a limb and I messaged this person, saying something like:

“I hate to bother you but you look just like this guy I used to work with at Odyssey Records in Las Vegas.  It may not be you, but you are a dead ringer for him.  Have a nice day.”

The next day, I received a message from this person and IT WAS HIM!!!!!!!!  It was the R I was looking for!  OMFG!!!!  I almost died with excitment!  We’ve been sending messages back and forth on Crackbook ever since and have added each other as friends.

Oh my gosh!  R was such a life line for me back in the day.  I remember almost everything about him and our friendship.  We lost touch shortly after I left Odyssey to work at the PD.  It is so incredible to be back in touch with him and D.

Training went well for the last two days.  I learned quite a bit about some things where I work.  It’s not necessarily the entire company/HR people I work with that do things wonky.  It’s actually the department I work IN that does things wonky.  They’ve been doing it this way for so many years, the HR people above them have just let it happen and have not tried to change it.  Go figure.

I’ll be back in the office tomorrow and will get to play catch up on the two days of work that will surely be awaiting me when I get there in the morning.

For now, I’m sending messages back and forth with R on Crackbook.

Until next time…