The Soda Stand

Archive for April, 2009

I have no voice. Have I mentioned that? I’m sure I have. I’m getting tired of hearing it myself. I’ll try to stop talking about where my voice went and when I’ll get it back. I promise. But right now? I present to you, in bullet form, my list of things to do today:

• OD on Vitamin C.  I’ve taken 3k mg so far.
• Gargle with warm salt water – this has been an on going thing since the 8th.  I do it four to six times a day.  It doesn’t seem to help really.  
• Pick up, dust and vacuum.  I’ve already started this project.
• Hand wash my unmentionables.  I’ve started on this and it will be an ongoing project throughout the day.
• Look online for some part time work.  Maybe I’ll finally pass that oDesk Ready test and be able to start getting assignments through them.  Wish me luck!
• Take as many naps as my sick body feels like taking.  
• Watch the air show down at the river on TV and remain comfortable and non-stressed cause of the crowds.
• Watch the fireworks show on TV tonight.
• Clean my kitchen and decide what to have for dinner tonight.

So there you have my boring ass Saturday.  It looks like a lot, but really with the whole day ahead of me, I don’t think it’ll take me all day to do this.

Until next time…

I can not begin to express how happy I am that it’s the weekend!  I am now free to sleep in or sleep in the middle of the day if I’d like.  YAY!  

On July 1, I will have earned 10 days vacation.  I’m already looking at the year ahead on when I want to take vacation days!  LOL  I’m going to plan a quick trip to Georgia to see my family.  I will, of course, schedule it around payday so I have gas money and am able to not worry about payroll Monday.

I’m even getting a little ambitious and looking at Orlando vacations. Not that I’d really be able to afford to go there, but it’s nice to dream!

I’m starting to feel much better today. While I’m still experiencing some sinus-y type symptoms, I’m not experiencing the aches and pains.

My throat still rages at night and I cough a lot during the night when I’m supposed to be sleeping as well. But overall, the symptoms are slowly going away and I’m hoping I can get rid of the rest of it this weekend before payroll Monday.

I got fussed at by a firefighter today at work. OMFG! I haven’t added him as a friend on Facebook! How dare I not do that! What is up with that and why haven’t I added him as my friend on Facebook!?! Uhhh wow. Well okay man, I’ll add you when I get home. LOL

Yeah. I grinned like an idiot for a few hours after that conversation.

I’ve eaten dinner and I’m now going to watch some of this week’s TV shows that I have on the DVR.

Until next time…

To say I’ve had a shitty week would be an understatement.  While I know it’s only because I’ve been sick and all I’ve wanted to do is sleep, I can’t tell you how happy I am this work week is almost over.   I’m looking forward to coming home from work tonight and doing nothing.

I’ve been doing some journaling and I’ve decided to share an entry from the Wednesday…It’s long, so if you don’t read the whole thing, no worries.

________

I have a lot of defects of character and I have a lot of positive character traits. 

Every now and then, I find myself totally focusing on the negative defects, rather than the positive traits.  While I know both of these make up the person I am and I’m okay with most of the traits and defects, I sometimes wonder why myself and others totally focus on the negative about themselves and others.   

Sometimes I’ll sit there after a meeting or conversation with a GA member and think to myself, damn I’m a bitch.  I’m impatient, I’m judgmental, I can be snobby, mean, selfish and petulant. 

I express myself when most other people won’t because it’s not appropriate or it will seem bitchy.   I make no apologies for my honesty, I just know that sometimes I can express myself when it’s not necessary.

And then I look at the other side of those things and know that I’m compassionate, I’m caring and accepting of most people, places and things in my life.  I’m self aware enough to realize when I’m doing something I shouldn’t. 

Read the rest of this entry »

And now the truth surfaces….I believe I’m getting a sinus infection now.  Awesome!  Just what I need added onto this week from hell, right?

I had a feeling last night that I was getting sicker.  As I was driving home from the meeting at 9 something, I had a gut feeling I was going to wake up sicker.  I didn’t say anything or bitch about it cause I was hoping I was wrong!

I am miserable!  And I’m sure ya’ll are tired of hearing me whine about it, but damnit, I’m SICK!  And I hate it so I’m going to continue bitching until I’m not sick anymore!  

On a completely different note, I need to continue talking about something that is on my heart and mind to talk about.

For the last year and a half, I’ve been struggling with some issues with a few friends in my life.  I mentioned it briefly in a post the other day.   Since I moved here, most of my friends I had before coming here or getting into the online communities, have disappeared.  

I’ve reconnected with a few on Facebook, which I love.  But there are those select few who are not online (or are on Facebook & rarely log in) and that pretty much ignore me when I email or text them.  Out of sight, out of mind?  I guess.  Whatever it is, even after dealing with it for a year and a half, it hurts my feelings.  

I’m learning to just walk through it and after my post the other day, I’ve decided to stop reaching out to those friends back in Vegas.  I keep opening myself up for failure and disappointment.  That’s what I get for expecting anything from them, ya know?

As an example, I emailed my friend D (my old boss) a few times in the last few weeks about reconnecting with the people from Odyssey and he has yet to respond to me.  

I emailed, I called and left several messages and I texted him a few times.  I’ve still heard nothing back and while it hurts my feelings on one hand, it makes me mad on the other.  Ya know?

All I did was move 1700 miles away, I don’t believe I deserve the ignoring.  But that will be on him, not me and the more upset I get over it, the more ownership I take of his actions or lack thereof.

On that happy note /sarcasm, I’m going to go finish getting ready for work and hope this day is better than yesterday.

Until next time…

I heard from my doctor and she has taken me off of the Singular and Nasonex for now, to make sure my symptoms are NOT caused by the side effects of the meds.

While part of me thinks that what has caused me to be so sick IS the side effects, another part of me just thinks I’m getting impatient with this healing thing and I haven’t let the cold run it’s course.

I had an interesting day at work.  I was busy and befuddled by the worker’s comp quarterly report I have to do, but I’m getting through it!  The Trainer has not really spoken to or even made eye contact with me or Co-Worker all week, so whatev.  I have no idea what’s up with that and I’m getting to a point where I just don’t care.

I came home, ate some dinner, cleaned the kitchen and took the trash out.  All the while hoping and wishing my throat doesn’t start hurting again or I don’t start sneezing every two seconds again.

My throat remained going between feeling good and feeling like I was swallowing razor blades.   I’ve only sneezed four times since leaving work.  It’s a plus, right?  LOL

I went to the 7pm meeting on the other side of town.  It was irritating how undisciplined it was and I was irritated throughout most of the meeting.  However, I found myself listening to the message and not the messenger and I heard some really good things tonight.  I got to see a few friends I haven’t seen in a month or two.  I enjoyed going, even though the meeting lasted 2 hours and 15 minutes.  That would be 45 minutes longer than it’s supposed too.   I’m glad I was able to push through the irritation and sit through the whole meeting.  I obviously needed to be there.

I’m in my pj’s, watching a little TV and then going to sleep.  I’m hoping I can sleep tonight without my throat raging at me the way it has the last few nights.  I’d love to sleep through the night again.

Until next time…

So that fleeting feeling of being almost human again that I had last night?  Gone.  Disappeared sometime while I was trying to sleep.  My throat was RAGING while I was trying to sleep.

I did some research on the asthma/allergy medication I’m on (Singulair) and there appears to be some similar side effects as the symptoms I’ve been experiencing for the last week.

I’m calling the doctor as soon as they open today.  I have about four of the side effect symptoms, so I want to make sure that I’m not having some kind of reaction to my asthma meds, ya know?

It seriously could answer why I’ve been sick for an entire week now.   Last Wednesday is when I woke up feeling like I was swallowing razor blades and it’s gone down hill from there.

The only things I’m experiencing that are NOT listed on the side effects is the congestion in my nose.  The cough, headache, body aches, sore throat, ears plugging up…those are all side effect symptoms as well as common cold symptoms.  Joy.

Today is also tax day.  This means I need to write a $6.00 check to the Commonwealth of Kentucky and mail it before 9pm.  Boooo hisssss

I don’t really have much more to say, other than I am dying for a vacation day or two.  I just want to take a few days off and not have to worry about posting vacations and posting worker’s comp stuff.  I just don’t want to deal with the bullshit that is work, ya know?  July 1 will not get here soon enough!

I do have to say the way they do things are kind of backwards around here.  It’s just completely different.  I can’t say it’s wrong or fucked up, just different than how things are in Vegas.  Then again it was Vegas and this is Kentucky.  I need to remember that more often.  LOL

I talked to GB last night for a bit and shocked him when I told him that I had made my list for Step 8.  LOL.  I really must have been acting a fool lately for people to be shocked that I am still working the program.

No matter how much I struggle, I’m still working the program in one way or another.  Whether it’s behind the scenes or out in the open, I don’t stop working the program.  When I’m doing well and when I’m struggling, I’m still doing things I need to do.   I’m still praying.  I’m still meditating.  I’m still journaling.  I’m still working the steps.

My financial situation is just as bad as it has been for months.  I rob Peter to pay Paul every month.  I’m juggling and dancing around some bills to pay another bill.

I called VW credit and they are extending two more payments for me.  My next car payment will not be due until June.  While I don’t like having those tacked onto the end of my loan, it gives me two months to catch up on regular bills and get semi normal again.  It will enable to me to create a budget and stay within it.   At least, that is my hope.

I miss my friends.  It seems some of my friends and I have started to grow apart or drift apart.  And it makes me sad.  I currently feel like the only friends I have are at work (Co-Worker and Manager Lady) and the friends I have in Vegas, along with my GA friends.  While that should be enough for me, I miss my other friends.  A lot.

I know my part in this has a lot to do with it, but I won’t take responsibility for the whole situation.  It takes two to tango, right?  I feel abandoned and ignored by some of my friends and THAT is all me.  That really has nothing to do with them, as it has to do with how I’m feeling.  

I’ll get through it and I’m sure it’s just my imagination that when I send out an email, I’m ignored or when I send texts, I’m ignored.  I’m 100% positive I’ll get through this and be a better person at the other end of whatever this evolution is.

Until next time…

I can’t tell if I’m getting better or not!  It’s very frustrating!  One minute my throat no longer hurts and the next (especially at night) it feels like I’m swallowing razor blades again.

I’m blowing my nose a lot – it’s very runny!  I have a bit of a cough and I feel tired, worn down, etc.   I know.  They are all cold symptoms.  I have absolutely no sinus pressure to speak of so I don’t think it’s turned into a sinus infection yet.

I read online that colds last 7-10 days.  I have three days left in that cycle if that’s true!  I’m hoping that’s all it is and it goes away soon!

A friend brought up that some of my symptoms could be side effects from the Singulair that I’m on now daily.  I’m going to research that in a few while I’m eating my soup for dinner.

I was on the new medication for 13 days before any of these symptoms appeared, so I don’t know if they could be the side effects.  But I’m willing to look into it, ya know?

I was checking out book clubs online and I found some interesting ethnic book clubs.   I don’t think I ever really thought about separate book clubs for separate ethnic groups.  I think it’s a good idea in a way, ya know?  People can associate with people of their own ethnicity and learn about their cultures.  I also think it would be interesting to NOT be of a certain ethnic background and join one of those clubs to learn about their different cultures.

I have another post coming up about my day at work, because it sucked ass and I need to vent about it.  It will be password protected.

Until next time…

OH MY GOSH!!!  

First, the good news is that the throat culture came back negative for strep.  This means that the rapid strep test was correct in saying I did/do not have strep throat.  

Normally, I would consider this a good thing.

However, since I’m on day 6 right now of this pharyngitis/cold thing, I’m still feeling like death warmed over.  I do, however, feel a little better than I did the day I went to the doctor.

It no longer feels like I’m swallowing a bunch of razor blades when I swallow.  This is good.

I’m still not running a fever.  This is awesome.

I’m sneezing, coughing and getting a runny nose every two minutes.  I even had a bloody nose this morning when I blew it.  YAY!  /sarcasm

I started the CPR center overtime tonight and so I took my own box of Kleenex with me so I wasn’t snotting and sneezing all over the other three people who were there for the training.

My next overtime day is Thursday, so I’m hoping this cold will be gone by then.

I don’t remember the last time I had just a “cold.”  I think I prefer sinus infections.  I only say that because with this cold, I can’t really take anything that makes me feel better for long.  With a sinus infection, I would be on decongestants and antibiotics and all these other wonderful prescribed medications that would knock me out and help me sleep through the symptoms.  *ahem*

I made a difficult choice after I got off work at 6:30.  I could come home, get into my pj’s and relax or I could go over to the church where the GA meeting was, sit in my car until the meeting started and then snot and sneeze all over everyone there.

I chose to come home.  I’m going to bed as soon as I hit publish on this and I’m hoping to sleep it off tonight and tomorrow night.  

Have I mentioned how much I HAET being sick?  If I haven’t, let me remind ya’ll I HAET HAET HAET being sick.

Until next time…

I didn’t go to bed until after midnight and was up at 4:30 this morning.  Oh that was fun.  *ahem*

I tried napping a few times, but my throat hurt so bad I just wanted to crawl in a corner and cry.  So I did some cleaning and going through a few boxes I still had laying around here.  I cleaned up quite a bit too!

Neighbor Guy called me at around 11:30 and asked me to drive him to the ER.  He was having some stomach problems and it’s a recurring thing for him.  So I (being the nice person that I am) drove him to Suburban hospital and waited 2 hours for the doctor to give him some antibiotics via IV and then some prescriptions to start tomorrow and some pain meds.

While waiting in the waiting room in almost absolute silence, I started getting mad at him.  I know.  He was in pain, I shouldn’t have been mad at him.  But the problem he ended up being diagnosed with is directly related to the way he eats, drinks, takes care of himself.  So I got angry.  I promised him I wouldn’t lecture him while he was feeling sick and that I would wait until he was better.

I can tell you that promise was the hardest promise I have ever kept in my life.  The recovering compulsive gambler in me wanted to lecture and throw program at him so badly it was killing me.  I bit my tongue and tasted blood instead.  I made a promise, after all.

I also realized I’m not ready to let this “relationship” go any further than it has and not only will I be lecturing him from a fellow addicts point of view, but I will be walking away from it when he’s feeling better equipped to deal with it.

I like feeling needed in a relationship, but not when the person is very clingy and super needy.  Ya know?  Him being sick is probably a big reason I was feeling the way I was.  Seriously.  I took a big risk taking him in my Jetta to the hospital.  He could have puked all over my baby.  I told him if he felt like puking to tell me so I could pull over really quickly.  I like him but not enough to clean up his puke.  At least I got a laugh out of him.

After that, I came home and took a 3 hour nap.  It was awesome.  However, now my cold seems to be shifting from my throat to my nose.  I’ve been sneezing and blowing my nose every two seconds.  It’s annoying the piss outta me.

I went to Walmart really quick to get some Tylenol cold stuff and to get some food to cook myself for Easter tomorrow.  I’ll be baking some bbq chicken, mashed potatoes and broccoli for my Easter dinner.  I would much rather be down in Georgia with my family, but I’ll make do with what I have.

I’m planning on going to church in the morning, no matter how sniffly I am.  I’ll just make Miss Laci cover her mouth & nose so she doesn’t breathe in my germs.  

Hope you all have a wonderful Easter! 

Until next time…