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Archive for September, 2009

Rocking it….

I got my grades for the first week of school and so far, I’m rocking it. I don’t want to get super excited and what not, but I’m rocking a 98.44 in one class and a 100 in the other. Here’s to hoping and keeping the faith that I can keep up these grades throughout the term!

I got my written assignment done for the public admin class and holy cow was it difficult! I turned it in last night, with 4.5 hours to spare before the “due” time! woohoo!

I was looking at a website for health insurance leads. I’m not a sales person, but it could come in handy one day I suppose? Yeah, didn’t think so either. The red X here in Firefox was utilized quickly.

My co-workers son is being treated for H1N1. While his tests came back for regular flu, the doctor said she hasn’t seen cases of that, so she’s treating it as the swine. Awesome!!! /sarcasm

I can’t seem to stop yawning this morning, even though I didn’t go to bed super late, I just didn’t seem to sleep very well. Hoping I get my second wind soon!

Until next time…

Growing pains, struggles & faith

My faith keeps me going on most days. Some days I just want to crawl under the covers in bed and sleep. Or, lately, I just want to lose myself in the world of Azeroth in World of Warcraft.

I’ve had a lot of growing pains since moving. I’m not going to rehash all the crap I’ve been through and put myself through since moving here almost 2 years ago.

I will say this: my growing pains have helped me endure some serious financial struggles and emotional growth and set backs.

I am in a good place emotionally, physically and soon to be financially.

When I first quit my job in Vegas, I met with the state retirement people and decided to NOT draw my retirement, although I COULD and just take some serious penalties for not being near retirement age.

I recently (two weeks ago) asked for a new estimate on my benefit from NV PERS (Nevada Public Employees Retirement System). With my penalties and all, I’ve applied to start drawing that retirement. In the last two years, it increased by about 7% since my last estimate.

Yes, I know I’m not retirement age. Yes, I know I don’t have age or time in to equal retirement age/eligibility. The good thing with Nevada is that as long as you’re willing to take their percentage penalty, they’ll still pay you every month for the rest of your life. And there are cost of living raises in there too.

I created a spreadsheet so I could see it on paper and realized I will make more money in the long run this way than if I were to wait until I was 60 and draw my full benefit amount.

I struggled with this for the last 2 years, because I always new it was sitting there, waiting for when I needed/wanted it. I just wasn’t willing to take the penalties until my 40th birthday approached and I realized my finances were getting worse little by little. With my 2nd job in there, I’m guaranteed $120 a month for the two Saturdays that I work. It’ll be above and beyond that if I work on either of the other Saturdays in the month. With those two extra incomes, I will be able to stabilize my life and stop worrying so much about where I’m going to get money for groceries for this week.

My 2nd job income did start helping in small ways where gas, cigarettes and incidentals were concerned. However, it just wasn’t/isn’t enough right now.

Starting in the end of November, I will be getting money from Nevada PERS. I will receive the same amount every single month for 3 years and then get a cost of living raise. If I read the brochure correctly, each year after that, the percentage of cost of living will go up until my 8th year of drawing it and then stay at that last percentage (approximately 5%) each year thereafter. I need to re-read it to make sure. Things change there regularly, so my information could be a little outdated.

My financial (in)stability has played a huge part in my emotionally and mental stability. It has been like a roller coaster. It didn’t matter how often I took my depression meds, my anxiety meds, the worry, the stress and anxiety is still there over my situation.

I’m also still eyeing some therapy outside of GA. While GA helps me in so many ways and I’m grateful for that, I just think outside therapy would do nothing but be of benefit for me.

I believe in my heart I’ve made the best decision for me and my future. Manager Lady is going to be retiring in 4 years. I’d like to put my name in the hat for that job. By then, I should be well on my way to a Bachelors (after having gotten my Associates I’m working on now) in Public Administration and I think that will open a lot of doors for me around here.

Until next time…

Birthday weekend wrap-up

I didn’t have super big plans this weekend. It was my first two day weekend in 5 weeks and I wanted to enjoy that and my birthday.

Friday after work, I started my weekend with a new hair cut and color. Hair is approximately 8 inches shorter than it was, very sassy. I’m loving it so far.

After that, I came home, ordered some pizza and then did a little school work. I’m working on a schedule because with two classes, I’m finding myself feeling pretty overwhelmed all the time. After the school work, I played some WoW and then sat on the couch for a few hours watching Criminal Minds episodes I had recorded earlier on the DVR.

Saturday morning came early for some reason. Well 8:30 is really like sleeping in for me, but it felt entirely too early to be up on my birthday, ya know?

I went grocery shopping, played some WoW and did some more reading for school. I had two chapters in one book, an article that is like 20 pages and another chapter in a different book to read. I just have the article left. *whew*

Mama Laci was in town this week and she was cooking us up some grub and then we were going to have some margaritas. The food was delish, the company was even better and we ended up with a daquiri instead! One thing is for certain, I can NOT drink like I used too. Seriously. That one had me feeling goooood for awhile!

One thing I’ve also noticed since developing allergy induced asthma is that I can’t hang out with cats for very long. My throat gets all itchy and yucky and my eyes just bug out. I had taken my allergy meds AND my allergy eye drops and I was still having trouble breathing being around Sephora. My main problem is that I want to play and pet the cute little thing, and I need to remember I can’t do that. This brings on my allergies and asthma big time.

When I left Miss Laci’s, it was raining something fierce! I could hardly see on the freeway coming home, but I made it save and sound.

And today. Sunday. A day of rest. I slept in until about 9:30 and then have done nothing all day but laundry, cooked some dinner and played WoW, went onto Facebook and Twittered for a few minutes.

And this my friends, is the weekend wrap up. Nothing exciting. Nothing to write home about. I turned 40 and I didn’t implode. I turned 40 and instead of feeling sorry for myself, I made sure I enjoyed myself and did what I wanted to do the entire weekend. It was nice.

Until next time…

What in the world?

I’m going to be 40 soon and I feel like I need some Acneticin! I’ve had more acne in the last 10 years than I ever remember having as a teenager. Hmph. Irritating really!

I slept off and on all day yesterday. I think it’s exactly what I needed. I feel much better today and will be jumping in the shower here in a few to get ready for the day.

I don’t know how long it takes for grades to be posted, but I’m waiting anxiously to find out how I did on my paper. This week in one class is all about time management and how to balance everything. I will definitely be able to use this week’s information. I have been feeling very overwhelmed this past week and I’m hoping this class will help me balance all of that.

My tuition reimbursement through work has been approved, as long as I keep a “C” average in my classes, I’ll get up to $2,000 for my schooling. This is good because I’ll be paying about $1,400 out of pocket for my first year. I am disappointed the federal loans I got are not covering the entire year, but whatev.

I was talking to one of our Majors who is also going to school this year and his education is being funded 100%. Since he makes double (or more) what I make in a year, the only thing I can think of is that he’s married and has four children. I jokingly told the people at work, I’m going to go out and have a kid so I can get the rest of it funded. And then I realized I can’t do that. Ah well. Life goes on and I’ll pay for my part of the education.

I haven’t been to a GA meeting this week or last and I’m feeling it. I’m definitely going to the meeting tonight at 7pm. It will balance me out a little more emotionally.

Now to get ready for work and to face the day. I sure hope there is not a lot of crap on my desk waiting on me.

Until next time…

Busy busy

I’ve been pretty busy the last few days, mostly with school work.   I’ve also not been fighting off a cold or something.  I haven’t felt 100% in a few days and it’s wearing me down.

Saturday night I fell asleep really early and slept in until 10am on Sunday.  I felt like I got hit by a truck or a train, whichever would hurt more.  I was also running a low grade fever.   Yesterday I felt halfway decent, but still kind of crappy.  Today?  My left ear hurts like a bitch and the left side of my throat hurts.  Awesome!  I am taking the day off from work and am going to sleep and rest most of the day.

My classes have been going well.  I’ve felt a little overwhelmed with getting both assignments done in the week, but I am good with the written assignment and I’m almost done with my reading stuff.  Good thing too, this unit ends tonight at midnight and the new one starts tomorrow!

At least I don’t have to deal with classic classroom furniture, ya know? While some of that looks pretty nice, I just can’t picture myself sitting in a classroom again. A traditional classroom, that is!

I’ve been working on managing my time for school work, GA and fun time. It’s been a little difficult. However, the unit that starts tomorrow in one of my classes, is all about time management and learning to balance everything. Awesome! I love time management type classes, because I always learn something from them and can integrate that into my routine, ya know?

I don’t normally watch David Letterman, but I have seen clips from when President Obama was on it. OMG, I laughed my ass off! While I don’t agree with where he is leading us with the healthcare thing, I do think he will be a good President in the long run. I stand by my vote. I’ve chosen to just sit back, read and wait to see how things go. I’ve been trying to educate myself on the healthcare reform and then form my opinion. I know that we need changes to it, but I’m not 100% sure we need the changes he’s promoting.

And now I’m going to go back to bed (actually to the couch) and relax and watch some TV. When I am sick, I wish for a TV in my bedroom so I can lay in bed and watch TV. However, since I do not have that TV in my room, to the little couch it is!

Until next time…

First Impressions….

This first part has nothing to do with this post.   My Co-Worker’s sister is having emergency heart valve replacement surgery today.  They’ve given her a 50/50 chance of survival from the surgery.  She’s been having TIAs (mini strokes) since Sunday and if she doesn’t have this surgery, she could stroke out and die.  The surgery is an hour or two and I’m asking you send prayers, positive thoughts and vibes this way for her.   Thanks so much!  And now onto the post!

As you know,  last night was my first night of “class.”   I have a weekly seminar that counts for points towards my grade.  I can either attend the lecture or let the instructor know I won’t be able to make it and then watch/listen to the lecture after it’s done and write a 500 word essay on what I learned in it.

I attended last night because it’s the first week of school and I want to make sure I don’t miss anything.  Ya know?

My first class is Eight Skills of the Effective Legal Studies Student.  My degree is so closely linked to the legal/law field, it’s no wonder I have this class first.

My instructor rocks.  He seems to have a great personality, very lively and much like Tigger (hyper, talks a lot, bouncing from one thing to another).   I really enjoyed listening to his lecture.  Especially when he said that the grading for this first week will be a little “loosey-goosey” due to it being the first week.  I snorted with laughter.  I am so glad I was NOT in an actual class room.  I would have gotten in trouble for laughing.  I’m sure of it.

My second class started at 9pm and this class is Introduction to Public Administration.  While I enjoyed the subject matter of the lecture, the instructor almost put me to sleep.  He speaks in a deep, barotone voice and sounds a lot like Eeyore.  I don’t believe he changed the inflection of his voice once during the hour he was talking.  My classmates seem to be quite lively in this one, which I like.  I like the interaction with the other students.

And that my friends, was my first impression of my two classes I’m taking this term.  My term is 10 weeks long and ends right before Thanksgiving.  I’ll then have a week off and start again on the 2nd of December for the 2nd term of the year.

And now I need to work and also think about what type of career best suits me in the Public Administration field so I can write my first paper before Tuesday.  I also have a few online exercises that I have to get done for grading.  

Here I am 22 years after graduating high school and I’m worried about homework and making sure I do things without procrastinating.  Awesome!

Until  next time….

And away we go….

Yesterday marked the first day of my journey for a higher education.  I walked through the fear of failure and rejection and have started towards an undergraduate education.

I participated in a few discussion boards with my fellow classmates.  One of them is from Lexington!  My instructor for my Legal Studies class is from Bangor Maine originally and my instructor for my Public Administration class is from Las Vegas.  Small world really.

I have my textbooks and my online webinar classes start tonight at 8pm.  I’ll be “in class” from 8pm to 9pm for my legal studies and then 9pm to 10pm for my public admin class.

I’m really excited about this new adventure.  However, it does contradict what I had wanted to do at the church for right now, but the lady told me when my first term ends in November, I can revisit it and reapply to be a facilitator for one of their groups.   Now THAT was a run-on sentence.

I’m in a good space right now emotionally and physically.  Things are lined up to better myself and I’m quite happy with that.   I’ve remained involved in GA and I’ve put myself out there to make a few friends outside of work and away from the computer.

I’ve played WoW quite a bit lately and I really enjoy it.  The only problem when I play it is that I lose time.  I can be in there for hours and not realized that it’s been 3 hours!   I’m going to be setting an alarm each time I go in there so I can refocus and go do other things.   I won’t be playing it much now that school has started and I’m okay with that.

A few weeks ago, I was feeling like I was burned out in the public safety field.  I was just tired.  I was looking for something “more.”   And then something happened back home and I realized by my reaction, I’m not burned out.  I just need a vacation, on a beach, or a cruise ship.

I have not had a “real” vacation since I quit my job in Vegas in September of 2007.  Yes, I’ve taken road trips and gone to see family.  No, I have not taken a vacation to just relax and not do anything.

While my finances prevent me from actually going anywhere right now and for the forseeable future, I am going to look into taking a few days off of work to just relax and not have to worry about things.   I’m not going to go anywhere, I’m not going to do anything or make plans.  Just take a few days and sleep, clean, relax, enjoy my time with my dog and most likely do school work.  LOL

My co-worker’s sister is not doing well at all.  She is in the hospital again, after having spent 2 months there earlier this year with sepsis and finding out she has pancreatic cancer.   She now has to have a heart valve replacement because the sepsis has destroyed one.   However, the doctors do not think she would survive the surgery for the valve replacement so they are currently looking for a 2nd opinion.

And now I’m off to work and another fun filled day of doing payroll and OSHA stuff.  YAY me!

Until next time…

Oh hey! I have a blog!

WOW!  I don’t think I’ve ever gone this long without posting something here.  Unless I’ve been on vacation, that is.

I haven’t had a lot to share lately and I don’t know if that’s a good thing or a bad thing?  Nothing exciting has happened and nothing news worthy.

I’ve been doing a lot of nothing and a lot of playing WoW before tomorrow.  Tomorrow is the beginning of the term for school and I know I’m going to lose a lot of this free time where I can sit and do nothing.

I’m really excited and nervous.   I got the course syllabus from one of my instructors yesterday and read over that.  I’m hoping I get the text books today – they shipped out Saturday.

I heard Patrick Swayze passed away.  Very sad.  May he rest in peace.  He will always be Darrel Curtis – Sodapop’s big brother, to me.  I think my favorite movie besides The Outsiders, with him is Red Dawn.   And of course, who can forget him as Johnny Castle in Dirty Dancing?

I hope ya’ll have a good day today.  It’s not Monday anymore, so for me, that makes it a fantastic day!

Until next time…

What I love

Just the other day, Miss Britt did a post about what she loves about herself.

I’ve never really sat down and made a list of what I love about myself.  I’ve been so busy over the years making lists of what I dislike about myself, I never took the time to do a list like this.

She inspired me to do this….

I love my empathy and compassion for others.  It gets me out of my own crap and makes me more grateful.

I love the way my eyes change shades of green depending on my mood.

I love the way my hair falls on my shoulders.

I love the way I look in my prescription glasses with the black frame and funky look.

I love that at almost 40 years old, I’m still flexible and adaptable to changes in my life.

I love that I am so forgiving, even though some people say those I’ve forgiven do not deserve it.

I love that I am such a train wreck and my friends still keep coming back for more.

I love my sense of humor.  I can laugh at almost everything.

I love my passion for my recovery – even when I go through funks and periods of time when I’m feeling negative.

I love that I have 8 years of recovery and I’ve gotten to where I am emotionally.

I love that I am so willing to look at all sides of a situation before passing judgment.

I love that I took a chance and stepped through my fear to enroll in college for an Asssociates of Applied Science degree in Public Administration.

I love that at 37 years of age, I gave myself permission to move 1700 miles away from all that I knew and the place I was born and raised.

I love that after moving 1700 miles, I’ve struggled and had hard times, but I’ve remained true to myself and my recovery.

I love my honesty.

I love that I am constantly working on myself and constantly striving to change for the better.

I love my fingernails when I give them a chance to grow and paint them.  Who needs acryllics?

I love the shape of my butt and boobs.  I don’t know why, I just like them a lot.

I love my ability to adapt to change and different things in life.

I love my willingness to listen to suggestions and try different things.

I love writing on my blog.  It’s a release and makes me feel good when I can come here and vent or excitedly tell ya’ll something.

Until next time…

8 years later, I feel like it was yesterday

In 2006, the 5 year anniversary,  DC Roe and several others started tributes to people who perished on 9/11/01.  I did this post for Stephen Mulderry.  What an honor it was to honor him and the other victims of that horrible day.   To this day, I still look at the clock at 9:11 a.m. and p.m. – pretty much everyday.

A day does not go by that I do not think of watching the events on TV or waiting for my friend Michelle to call or email from NYC to let us all know she was okay.   A day does not go by that I do not remember the security set up and the attitude change at the police department that I worked.


2,996 people died on 9/11/01. People like Stephen. Don’t forget. I know I won’t.

This post is dedicated to the life of Stephen V Mulderry who was on the 89th floor of the World Trade Center when it was hit by a plane. All of the information I’ve gained is from obituaries and online websites dedicated to the victims of September 11.

The impression I got from everything I read, was one of happiness, family, love and generosity. It seems he was generous with his time and love and he loved to help people. I can’t say that I knew him. But I can say I’ve known people like him and I wish I had known him. People who take up the whole room when they enter. Their energy and magnetism just light up the room. There’s no mistaking the charismatic look in his eye in the pictures I’ve seen of him.

When I look at the picture of him, I envision a tall, lanky, happy man who is secure in himself and in the world he has immersed himself in. I see passion and strength. I see happiness and love. I feel a warmth spread from my heart, at the same time as feeling incredible sadness that the world lost someone like him.

Everything I’ve read on the internet has given me the impression that the man never rested. He was always doing something for someone. He was always working at something that he loved, like being a top equity trader and a vice president of the employee-owned investment banking and brokerage firm, Keefe, Bruyette and Woods. Even in high school and college, Stephen did for others. He worked as a counselor and mentor at Project Strive, in Albany, an after school and summer program for grammar school students.

Stephen Vincent William Mulderry was born on May 4, 1968 in Albany, NY. Stephen had seven siblings, Amy, Andrew, Daniel, Peter, Anne Connel, Alexandra Andreani, Bill and Dara. Stephen’s parents were Anne and Bill Mulderry. Stephen attended Bishop Maginn Diocesan High School. After graduation, he attended the University of Albany.

Stephen moved to New York City after graduating from college, to pursue his career. When he first moved to the City, he was delivering chocolate milk to bodegas and he was a bartender. It’s been said that he poured energy into everything he did. Whether it be work, family, or basketball. He loved playing basketball and played it throughout college, where he led the team as point guard for three seasons.

Stephen’s nickname on the basketball court (and probably other places) was Zipper. I’d say this was because of his speed and agility on the basketball court. While playing basketball in the city leagues, he was voted Most Valuable Player during the Lower East Side Hamilton Fish tournament.

Everything I read also told me that he was a gifted musician, singer and dancer. People have said he had a quick and kind wit. He was uninhibited with his appreciation of other people’s talents. In one of the many pages I’ve read, his brother, Andrew, had this to say: “He loved basketball, but he had four passions: friends, family, work and basketball. He was an incredible source of love and support for me. Even in the midst of this horrible circumstance, I feel nothing but blessed for the older brother I have.”

What an incredible source of light and memory we have. Stephen Mulderry, I pray that you are resting in peace. Know that we remember you and what you did while you were with us on earth.

To the Mulderry family, I am incredibly sorry for your loss. I am also very humbled and grateful that I was able to write this memorial for your son, brother, friend and loved one. May you find joy and happiness as you continue to remember the wonderful person that Stephen was.