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Calming myself…

I had the big, bad dermatology appointment at 8am today.  Let’s first talk about the stress I put myself under in anticipation of this appointment.  

I was near tears for DAYS starting sometime last week when I discovered the bleeding, crusty looking mole on my left shoulder blade near my butterfly tattoo.  The big C word is always on my mind.  It’s affected my life more than I’d like it too.  Not from me actually having it, but from so many people I know who have died and lost the battle to the Big C.   And also, I can’t forget my friends who have relatives and loved ones who have lost the battle.

The Big C is on my mind a lot also, because I smoke.  While I don’t think my smoking would CAUSE the C word to appear, I do believe it would and could perpetuate the situation and make it ten times worse than it would have been had I been a nonsmoker.

But I digress, my fears and hormones took over.  I don’t know if you know this, but my hormonal balance is out of fucking whack too (thanks to the surgeon who told me I wouldn’t go through menopause until my mid 40’s cause he left one of my ovaries).  I refused to let myself go online and look up skin conditions, of any kind.  I knew I was scared enough and I didn’t need to scare myself more! 

Now to the results of my appointment:

The moles on my back are “normal”, but a part of a skin condition that is not super bad and it’s easily treated with over the counter creams and what not.  The stuff on my right arm have been shaved off (OUCH!) and sent off to biopsy.  He does NOT believe they are malignant, but rather benign tumors and he called them dermafibroma.  I can’t find that anywhere on the internet, which is fine.    He numbed my arm at the spots that were going to be removed and shaved them off. 

So I sit and I wait for the results of the biopsies and enjoy the sensation of having a right arm that feels like it was carved like a freaking Halloween pumpkin as the numbing stuff starts wearing off and I’m scrambling to find stuff for the discomfort/pain.

Lesson here?  Do not freak out to the point of irrational thoughts.   I freaked myself out to the point of tears on a constant basis for the last 5 days and it was NOT worth it.  It was not worth the stress, the fear and the anxiety I put on myself!

Tomorrow, I have an appointment with my regular doctor to report my headaches and dizziness I’ve been experiencing.  And also to get my regular meds back on track (Nexium) so I don’t have to suffer more heartburn and acid reflux.  Blech!

Until next time…

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