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Lots on the mind of this blogger

I have so much on my mind, I do not know where to begin.

I went to the regular doctor yesterday and walked out with 4 prescriptions I can’t get filled because of my finances.  I asked for samples and she was able to get me a sample of the nose spray I am to use for my allergies/sinus issues – which she thinks might be causing the dizziness and headaches.  We are trying the spray for 7-10 days and if I keep getting the headaches and dizziness, I’ll go back in for a MRI to see what’s going on in that head of mine. 

Beyond that, she didn’t have any samples to provide me, so I’m digging up the pennies in the deepest, darkest corners of my closet, drawers, pockets, etc.  I’m sure I’ll dig up some!  And yes, I do have insurance.  And yes, I do have co-pays on them.  I just happen to have spent my last $$ for the dermatology appointment the day before this doctors appointment.  Those co-pays took the last of my money I had in the bank that wasn’t already going out on a bill/check.

The antibiotic she wants me to use for the allergic reaction I had to the neosporin and latex bandage is easy peasy to get cause Target, Walmart and several others have it on their generic $4 list!  I’ll be going after work tonight to get that one.  I was going to go last night, but I ended up working until almost 8:30 so all the pharmacies were closed (at least, the ones by me were).

Also on my mind is the loss of friendship, loss of love, loss of importance we experience throughout our lives.  I got an email from a GA friend yesterday that was talking about when someone walks out of your life, you need to let them and not fight to keep them.  Easier said than done, I think!

While I’m not in a current situation like this, I have started to teach myself how to do this.  If someone really wants to walk out of my life, who am I to stop them?  I’m certainly not going to beg to keep their friendship/love/whatever.  While I might argue a little bit, I will eventually just shut up and let them walk.  I’m talking more about friendships and friends than romantic relationships (since I have zero experience in the last 6 months with that!)

And as long as it’s not done hatefully, I’ll continue loving the person as a friend until I’m proven they don’t deserve it.   If they try to make me feel stupid, if they are bitchy to me, about me or towards me, I might get resentful, but I won’t hate them. 

Sometimes I wish I was a cutter.  I could just cut them out of my life and not give them a second thought.  But there are some people in my past who walked out of my life that I want to remember forever.   There are some people who touched me so emotionally and on a level of such friendship, I choose not to forget about them or how close we were.   I may not fight to get them back or keep them in my life, but my thoughts are always positive and loving.

I’m going in tomorrow morning to give blood for my yearly cholesterol test and I’m sure I’m going to need meds for it.  At least until I get back into a healthier eating habit.   She was pleased with the steps I’m taking for self improvement and was so worried about my arm and the latex allergy.   She was going to put this sticky, stretchy stuff on my arm but realized it has latex in it, so she wrapped my arm up in an ace bandage.  Bulky, but it gets the job done!

I realized over the course of the last several days, Professor Tigger seems to want me to post something on the discussion boards every single day of the week.   I was trying to post every other day – either a response to someone or an original post – so that would give me about 5 posts per unit in the semester.  Ummm not enough for him.  He gave me a 28/30 for my discussion board participation this past week and his comment was “You need to post more responses for a better grade.”   Fucking.seriously.  

So instead of arguing with him, I went into the past discussion boards and counted how many posts I made and I was/am making an average of 4-7 posts per unit week.  How is that not involved?   Whatev.  I’ll just start posting 8-10 times per unit week and we’ll see if that raises my grade in that section of class.

This post is kind of rambly and I don’t care.  I’m not going to take the time to edit it.  If you got down here through all 800 words of it, I thank you and love you!

Until next time…

3 Responses to “Lots on the mind of this blogger”

  • Donna says:

    Re: the cutting people out part…

    I’m a good (bad?) cutter-outter. When a person decides they don’t care for me anymore, I let them go. It’s not that I don’t think about them again…especially if there was love…if there was respect. You can’t ever forget those feelings. Mostly for me though, I cut people who are toxic to me. I believe that people cut me because I have proven to be toxic to them. I understand that.

    Only one ‘net friends’ ever cut me that really caused me hurt and confusion…Dave. I’m still not entirely sure what happened but I do know I pissed of his girlfriend big time…so maybe there’s that.

    I had a long-time blog friend whom I adored who dumped me after I told her not to pick at someone who posted a comment on my blog. She just never spoke to me again after that…it bugged me for a while…mostly because I wasn’t mean or rude about it but you have to let go those who don’t want to stay…they don’t want to stay because they no longer feel the same way for you whether it’s because of you or because of something within themselves.

    If my husband left me, however, I have no idea what I would do. he is my most important relationship and the thought of him coming to a place where he disliked me is too much for me to think about…I could see myself becoming a stalker for a while in that situation…I don’t know that I could let go that easily.

    /tome

  • Sodapop says:

    Donna, I actually thought of you when I wrote that part of the post. We’ve talked about cutting people out and how we do it and at what level before. I hate that (whatever that was) happened with you and Dave. I have found people sometimes just choose their significant other over their friends for reasons beyond our understanding. Sometimes they aren’t doing it maliciously, they just do it.

    I think with my friendships, I approach the cutting out thing differently than I would in a situation like you and your husband. I would probably be a stalker too in a situation like yours. Together for so long and what not. I could easily become a stalker for a while on that one.

  • Lynda says:

    I think just because you need to cut someone out of your life, it doesn’t mean you need to forget them. People change.

    I really like this post.