The Soda Stand

Archive for October, 2009

I have to say I’m quite glad it was Friday today.  Work was crazy.  It just messed up my routine and kind of sucked!

At 9am, we left the office with all our goodies and went to the Spectrum Auditorium for the graduation of Class 180 of the Louisville Fire & Rescue Academy.  It was a long, drawn out ceremony, but beautiful.

One of our recruits broke his ankle the week before graduation and they’ve let him graduate.  He’ll have a few physical ability tests to do before returning to duty when his leg is healed, but he’s a firefighter!

Co-Worker and I set up the cookies and punch on the tables during the oath of office and within 30 minutes, they were gone.  I almost lost my mind several times because people were “fingering” the cookies!!!  They would pick one up, place it down and pick up another.  OMFG!!!!!

Of course, I said something several times.   It was disgusting and not necessary for them to do that!  We had these little tong like servers there for them to use to pick up the cookies!  *le sigh* One lady had balls the size of freaking Texas.  She picked up one of the cups of punch and proceeded to carry it with her fingers sticking in the liquid.  She then placed it back on the table in the area where the cups were.  Ummm.  Seriously?!?!?!?!?!

I was glad when that was over!  I’m glad I went though, I got to see a few familiar faces and some new faces.   I got to meet a few of the recruits.  They’ll be coming in here in 6 months if they make it and they’ll get their dress blue uniform from us.

I have no plans this weekend, other than relaxing, homework and some GA committee meetings on Sunday.  I’m going to try to drag my ass to a meeting tonight, even though I hate to say I’m definitely going.  I can’t seem to keep my commitments that I make to GA right now, so I refuse to promise anything.

I’ve already set the alarm on my cell phone for 7pm, to remind me to get ready for the meeting.   I hope I remember what it was for when it goes off!

One of the newer Sergeants assigned downstairs was assigned cooking detail today and OMFG!!!!  I want that man to come over to my house and cook me food.  All the time.  Everyday.  He has to do this.  He cooked pork loin with sauteed onions and garlic and holy noodles, my mouth started watering immediately.

Until next time…

When you find out you were wrong about something you posted???  I found out today, while checking in on the school website, that I DO indeed have an assignment for my Intro to Public Admin class.  Ugh!!!!  I have to answer five questions in essay format!!!!!  BOOOOOO~!!!!!!

Ahhh well.  I’ll do part of it tonight and then finish it off on the weekend and be done with my schooly stuff!

I talked to GB last night and we discussed my blase’ attitude towards GA and I let him know I put personalities before principles and it’s really affected my recovery.   I’m working on getting through that and am planning on going to the meeting tonight.  Beyond that, I’m not ready to commit to something else because the last few commitments I’ve made for the program, I’ve bailed on. 

I’d rather just not commit to something and show up, rather than commit to something and end up feeling obligated and cranky that I HAVE to do it.   I’ll work my way back to whatever level of commitment I was comfy with before hitting this skid in the road.

Like I told him on the phone, I’ve continued praying, meditating, journaling, etc.  The only things I have not done is go to meetings very often and stay connected with the people in the program here.  

We just had a big transfer at the beginning of this pay period.  There were 30 people on it, transferring to different firehouses.   This next pay period?  We have 80 transfers.  5 of them are promotions and 38 of them are the recruits going to their new assignments.  OMFG!!!!!!!!!!!!

I’m going to busy as a one armed paper hanger for sure!!!!

Until next time…

I was looking at this website on the definition of the term “burden of proof“.

I guess I upset some district chiefs when I went through the chain of command (like I’m supposed too) about how there were tons of errors on the sick leave penalty payback stuff on payroll.  I just can’t win.  I go straight to the DC and I get in trouble from my sup.  I go through the proper chain of command and I get in trouble from the DC.  Whatev.

Normally, each pay period, I have one or two corrections to make on the RA (retro active pay) form.  This time?  I have six corrections I’m doing because they didn’t put down whether the person paid back their penalty or not on the payrolls.

Last pay period, I have 5.  If the trend continues, I’ll have seven at the end of this payroll Tuesday of next week.  Not acceptable in my book.   I have to track all 516 employees vacation time and even the slightest error like this puts a hitch in my giddyup  and me no likey.

They’ll get over it, I suppose.  If not, whatev.  

They wanted me to show them physical proof of these errors.   I had an office full of majors earlier, showing them exactly what I meant, the evidence they were looking for and how they could fix it in the future.

I felt like I was an attorney, having to show burden of proof of my charges.  LOL  It was funky feeling!

This week in school is my mid term week!  Week #5 already!  I can’t believe it!!!!  I have no seminars and only one assignment to do.  For one class, I have to interview someone in a position I would like to work in once I get my degree.  I chose a nice lady over at the Criminal Justice Commission to interview.   I’ll be conducting that interview the 23rd of this month.

For school, I need to send in my “Final Project Proposal”, which has the name and contact information of the person I’m going to interview and one backup name (I put Manager Lady as the backup).   I also have to include 10-15 questions I will be asking during the interview.

In Public Administration, I only have discussion board stuff to do this week.  Easy peasy week if you ask me!   This is good because Thursdays are a day that my BFF in Vegas does WoW stuff, so I’ll be able to chat with her again.   Actually, I’ve logged into WoW and Ventrillo every day since she’s shown it to me.  Just so I can talk to her and “hang out” with her.  heh  I’m a dork, I know.

Until next time…

I woke up this morning thinking it was Wednesday.   Booooo for the fact it’s only Tuesday!!!!

One of my assignments this past week in Public Admin was to watch a congressional hearing on CSPAN and do a summary.  Ummm, can I just tell you how boring those hearings really are unless you are a political junkie and love shit like that?

I watched 30 minutes of one hearing and thought I was going to fall asleep.  It was horrible!!!  I did not turn on the TV or the music, so that I could concentrate!  I took notes throughout and then tonight, I just need to put them all together and turn them in.

I’m still feeling the good vibes I was feeling yesterday.  I’m going to enjoy them while they last!  My positive thinking is improving and I have some positive affirmations hanging up above my computer desk area (since that’s where I spend most of my time for school and when I’m taking leisure time).

I got a little annoyed this morning at a GA member.  I’m the webiste administrator for the local GA website.  I’ve let these committee members know that they need to email me with any changes they want on the website.  This is in general and for the national convention coming up in May.   I have yet to get any emails from anyone.

I got an email this morning asking me if I had finished putting some information on there for the convention.   Uhhhhh no one asked me to put the information on there.  Last I remember, the events chair was supposed to get me the events dates/times/locations and I would throw them up there.   Guess I should have known better and hounded the events chair to get the information so I could complete my funciton as the administrator.  Whatev.

There is another committee meeting this weekend and it’s on my calendar to go, so I’ll be going in there with paper and pen at the ready to take notes and find out what exaclty I need to add to the website.  I’ve requested the contact information for the events chair (I don’t have it) and I’ll try to get it done this week before the meeting.

Until next time…

I love life today.   I am writing this post all about the love.  Love for you, love for family, love for friends, love for myself.

I’m feeling pretty good today.  I am in a good mood, my physical health is better than it has been in awhile, which helps my mental health.  My mental health is pretty good today, even though there is room for improvement (isn’t there room for improvement on everything?)

As I was playing WoW with my BFF in Vegas last night, and chatting with her, I realized how blessed and grateful I am to have the friends I have.  Some of my friends have been in my life for over 10 years.  There are a few I’ve reconnected with (like my Odyssey or high school friends), that I have known for more than 20 years.   My RL friends, my online friends and my work friends that I’ve made since moving here are so important to me.

I believe that without my friends who have been there for me, through thick and thin, I wouldn’t have made it as far as I have.  Yeah, once again, there is room for improvement, but damn.  I started my life completely over at the age of 37 and I am proud of myself for that.  What more could I ask for, really?

I decided that instead of focusing on what’s wrong with me or what my defects of character are, I’m going to focus on what is right with me and what my great characteristics are.

• I am compassionate and empathetic.  
• I am loving and loyal. 
• I am honest and up front.
• I am a woman of integrity and courage.
• I am brave and adventurous.
• I have a great sense of humor and laugh often.
• I work hard and take accountability for my actions at work or at home.
• I’ve made a lot of positive changes in my life and I like where I’m sitting right now.
• I am a full time college student (taking 2 classes at Kaplan U makes me a full time student) and I’m loving it.  I love learning new things and this is beyond exciting for me!
• I’m smarter than some (even myself) give me credit for.  I’m pulling a 98% in one class and a 99.7% in the other. 
• I am concientious in everything I do at work and with my school work.
• I forgive easily and love unconditionally.

While I’m still struggling in a few areas, I need to focus on what is right  in my world, instead of constantly focusing on what’s wrong. 

I am going to try to write at least one post a week about all the positive, right things in my world.   This is my first step towards some more positive thinking.

Until next time…

I had an incredible weekend.  I’m going to tell you about it as soon as I’m done bitching about my feet.

Shoe Carnival was having a sale, I’m caught up and current on my bills at the moment (holy shit, call Guinness!) and so I bought a pair of black, mid calf cowgirl style boots.  Half off for $22.  Awesome deal!

I wore them to my 2nd job yesterday.   I put them on at 9:30 a.m.   When I left to go get my friend K for the UofL game, I forgot to change shoes.  *le sigh*

I ended up wearing those boots for 14 fucking hours.  I could barely walk by the end of the night Saturday night and even still, right now, my feet fucking hurt.

My weekend started Friday, when I bought my boots and then came home to do some laundry and school work.  I played a little WoW before bed, as well.

Saturday I worked from 10am to 4pm.  The day went by pretty fast with the complex kids coming in to visit me and I had a few potential residents come in to view apartments.

After work, I changed into a turtleneck and sweatshirt for the UofL football game.  I picked up my friend K and we headed over there.   We had a great time.  We tailgated for about 2 hours before the game and then just hung out and drank and watched some football!   She has season tickets and they were situated in the “crunch” zone behind the goal post.

I woke up Sunday morning and could still barely walk.  My feet were so sore and swollen.  Poor punkins.  I got ready to head out to the 26th Annual Great Louisville Fire Drill.  It’s a chili cook off with tons of community stuff going on.  I worked the drink ticket table and got to eat some free food.  I also got a baggy of free stuff.  Love me some free stuff!

When I got home from that, I called my BFF in Vegas and we logged into WoW.  I joined her guild and then she ran me through a few instances and what not to get experience and equipment.   The only reason we exited the game is cause her boyfriend was giving her the funk eye and I need to sleep for work.

I don’t know when we’ll get to hang out again in the game, but damn it was awesome.  I downloaded this program and we can actually talk to each other while we are in the game.  It was fucking sahweeeeet!!!!  It was almost like we were sitting next to each other playing the game.

And now, it’s bedtime.  I am soooooo glad tomorrow is not payroll Monday.

Until next time…

So far, I’m holding down a 97% or better in each of my classes.  I am very happy with this and I’m hoping I can keep up the pace and keep my grade up there like that.   I was never really happy in school when I was younger and I never went to college, so sitting in a classroom setting (even the online setting) is very intimidating for me.

Although I tend to grab what intimidates me by the horns and run with it, I’m treading carefully this time because there are a lot of things I need to learn and know before I can continue this higher education thing.

This week’s topic is ethics and integrity in public administration.  When I entered this program, I was looking at this from where I am sitting now and sometime down the line, from where Manager Lady is sitting.  Nothing political related, nothing federal government (except for grants) related, etc. 

We’ve been discussing the Hatch Act and the Code of Ethics for Public Administrators.  Very interesting stuff!!!

I’m ready to continue learning and get where I want to be in this business (public sector) world.  At one time, I felt I was burned out from public safety work, but after a sergeant friend of mine in Vegas was shot and hurt, I realized I wasn’t ready to be burnt out.  I’m not burnt out, I just need a different direction.

After yesterday’s events in Las Vegas, I’m definitely not burnt out.  I felt my heart break into little pieces when I found out that Milburn Beitel P# 8092 had died after surgery.  Five months to the day that the other officer had been killed in a car accident.

LVMPD went from 1998 to 2006 without any deaths in the line of duty.  None.  Not one!  Since 2006, we’ve had three deaths.  One from a shooting (you can see the first few posts on this blog for that information), the officer in May who was on his way to a domestic violence call when I car pulled out in front of him.   He died instantly.  And now Beitel, who was also driving to a call (but not an emergency call) and ended up hitting a pole and then a tree.  It completely mangled the black and white vehicle.

There is another officer (still yet unidentified to the public) who is in critical but stable condition in UMC there in Vegas.  He was in the car with Beitel.  We are all praying for him and his family.   We are all praying for the family and friends of Beitel, who lost their brother entirely too early.

With all of that happening, I realized I couldn’t just up and walk away from public safety, which is what I had been thinking about.

Instead, I looked into degrees on the clerical/administrative side of things for public safety and I found the public administration one.   Here I am, on my way to a higher education on the administration of this government (local, state, federal) and I’m enjoying it!

Yeah, I bitch about reading all the crap I have to read.   Yeah, I bitch about having to write papers and what not, but overall, I’m digging it.  I dig the fact I’m doing this for myself.

Until next time…

I’ve started pre-writing my posts and I’m going to see how this goes for me.  Have you seen the new design here?  It’s awesome, isn’t it???  My brother rawks!!!!!  And now onto the meat of this post…..

After reading Hilly’s latest post, I realized a few things about posting here on my blog. 

I open myself up for a lot of stuff when I tell you how I’m feeling.  I open myself up to judgement, criticism and a myriad of platitudes.

While I rarely, if ever, put every single little emotion I’m feeling, people tend to make their judgements from what I do post.  And I’m okay with that.

What I’m not okay with, is having what I say here used against me.  In any way, shape or form.  This is my journal.  This is my way of working things out.  This is my way of expressing myself when I may not be able to in person.

This is sacred ground to me.  I understand people will judge me.  I get it.  I even understand some stranger reading this may verbally attack me for whatever reason. 

What I do not understand is when people I know either in person or online uses this information against me in an attempt to hurt me in one form or another.  It makes no sense to me.

You have the right to remain silent.  Anything you say can and will be used against you….

Ahhhh the beginning of the Miranda Warning.  While that goes on to say ‘in a court of law’, I’m just using this first part as an example.

I’m in recovery.  I have a little more than 8 years without a bet.  I’m struggling in my recovery.   I’ve struggled going to meetings.  I’ve talked about this until I’m blue in the face.  I’m working on it and I’m taking proactive steps to get through this funk.

This information has been used against me in an attempt to hurt my feelings and/or start arguments, on several ocassions and I have no idea why.  The only person I hurt when I struggle in the program is me.   I don’t appreciate it.  I don’t like it.  Not one little bit. 

I’ve slept with married men before in the past (recent and distant).   I’ve gotten involved with people I shouldn’t.  I’ve stopped that behavior and am working on becoming a better person.  I’ve talked about it here.  I’ve expressed all the emotions that go along with situations like those.  Positive and negative.  I’ve been honest and up front.

This information has been used against me in an attempt to hurt me and/or make me feel like a piece of shit.  I do not appreciate it.  At all.  I’ve taken responsibility and I’ve repented for my sins.  You have no right to use that against me.  Unless, of course, you are the man’s wife and then you have every right to kick my ass into next Thursday.  Twice.  Or maybe three times.

I’m on anti depression medications.  I recently had to up the dosage in order to keep fighting the good fight.   I struggled and I let it be known I was struggling.  I am sometimes still struggling with this.  I’m looking for a therapist in my area who 1) accepts my insurance and 2) will work with me on payments and what not.

This information has been used against me in an attempt to hurt me, make me feel worse, not sure what it was used for.  I don’t like it.  I don’t appreciate it.

And with all that being said, I have one final thought to send on to you.

To all of those people who have used this information against me at one point or another in the distant and near past?  Take your toxicity somewhere else.  I do not need nor want your bullshit cluttering up my already cluttered life. 

Until next time…

I had two weekends in a row where I didn’t do anything.  At all, really.  The first weekend was my birthday, which I did a recap on already.  This past weekend, I just stayed in my pj’s an did some housework and did not leave the apartment at all.

This weekend?  What a difference a week makes!  I’m working Saturday in the office of the apartment complex, going to the UofL football game and then working the Louisville Fire Drill Sunday.  Holy crap!

While I do enjoy having things to do on my weekends, I do like having nothing to do on them as well.

I’ll be working 10am to 4pm and then the game is at 7pm and I’m waiting to hear from my friend Kelly on when she wants to meet up and go over to Papa John’s Stadium for some tailgating and football.

Sunday, I can sleep in a bit and then I have to be at Waterfront Park by noon (I think) for the Fire Drill that starts at 1pm.  I’ll be working with Manager Lady’s husband again, selling tickets for drinks.  We had a blast last year, so I’m sure we will have fun this year too.

I spent the majority of my day yesterday thinking about my friend I got to see and how much fun I had hanging out with him.  It was so incredible to see this friend from 22 years ago.  Sometimes, I worry that my old friends and I won’t have anything in common anymore and so it would be an awkward meeting.

How wrong I was in fearing that!  Especially with him.  I absolutely adore the man and think the world of him.  I’m so very grateful I got to spend a few hours with him and catch up on the lost years.

It’s now awakened an urge to see all of my other friends from Odyssey days.  While I have several on my FB list of friends, I’d just love to see them in person!  Especially the couple who were never together when we worked (all just friends) and then when they found each other on FB, they fell in love and are now married!!!!  Who knew!?

Until next time…

You know the one I’m talking about. The first. You know, the first love, the first heartbreak, the first gay friend, the first best friend, etc. The list goes on and on for all the firsts we have in our lives.

I sat, face to face, with my first gay tonight. My first gay friend. I met my first gay in December of 1987. I just hired on at Odyssey Records and he introduced himself to me. It was BFF/friends forever instantly. We bonded like mad the first few weeks I worked there and the friendship grew from there.

We worked together until 1992 when I quit Odyssey to go work for the police department. We did all the diatribes about staying in touch and remaining friends and never losing contact. You know the pacts you make with your friends from your teenage years, that if you’re lucky, you’ll stick with?

Yeah. One of those pacts!

A year went by, and I would stop in the store to see everyone and then one day he was gone from there. No word. No nothing. Where did he go?

One day, several years later (about 15 years ago) I was walking through Home Depot with my mom and I heard the voice. The voice you never forget. It was the voice of my first gay friend. I almost died. I am sure I squealed like a little girl.

We chatted for what seemed like hours and then we had to part ways. Once again, we promised to stay in touch, blah blah blah. Never did.

A few months ago, I was looking up some of my Odyssey family on Facebook and he was the first one I looked for. I found this person with the same first name, but a different last name – but it looked just like him! So I stepped out of that comfort zone and sent this possible stranger a message on FB.

IT WAS HIM!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OHHHHH EMMMMM EFFFFFFF GEEEEEEE (OMFG for those who don’t want to try to figure that one out)

We’ve been in almost weekly (or more) contact since then.

He sent me a message last night after my cable went out that he was flying into town for an overnight stint (he’s a flight attendant) and wondered if I’d want to get together. Um hello! Stupid question, YES!!!!!

We met at the Brown Hotel where he and his crew were staying. Oh my god. We hugged in the lobby of the Brown for several minutes, making fools out of ourselves and squealing like little girls. The evening was awesome! We hung out in The Club on the 13th floor of the Brown for a bit and then walked down to 4th Street Live and went to the Red Star (delish!)

I could have stayed there and talked all night with him. We chatted, we laughed, we caught each other up on our lives and it was like the last 15 years disappeared. The last 15 years was no longer separating us.

And that my friends, is the grin of a silly little girl, getting to hang out with one of the most awesome people ever to cross my path.

I hope he makes it to Louisville again very soon so we can hang out some more!  I didn’t want the night to end!

And to make my night even better and cap it off, I came home to find I have internet and cable.  I’m NOT canceling the appointment with the cable guy tomorrow morning.  I’ll act stupid.  I do not trust the connection right now.

To make it even better, I checked my grades and found that I got a 100% on my first written assignment in my “harder” class.  Professor Eeyore loved how I explained the sides of the spoils/merit systems and how I related it to current events.  Awesome!!  wOOt!!!!

Until next time…