The Soda Stand

Archive for December, 2009

What’s the danger from, you ask? Well it’s because my mind has been working overtime. Seriously.

As I’ve mentioned in a few previous posts, I’ve been in a funk that I’m slowly crawling out of. I’ve not been to a GA meeting in close to two months, I was depressed, isolated and all that other shit that goes along with not just my addiction, but my depression.

I’ve sought treatment for the depression, and this is helping with my attitude about the recovery and addiction.

I’ve also realized when/why/where I stopped wanting to go to meetings. It took maybe five days of writing (not all at once, but slowly over the course of the last month or so), but I finally figured it out. And I’m still not willing to go back yet.

I am working towards that and I’ll get there, because historically speaking, those who do not go to meetings go back out and that’s not what I want. I don’t want to revert completely to who I used to be when I was gambling. Just not in my plans, ya know? lol

Now while I know this is all about me, here’s a few of the triggers that caused me to stop going to meetings:

1. I started going to Al-Anon and they wanted me to look in the mirror way more than GA did and it made me uncomfortable.
2. The more unwilling in Al-Anon I became to look in that mirror, I became unwilling in GA to continue looking in that mirror.
3. I got tired of the negativity in the meetings and hearing about gambling stories instead of recovery stories.
4. I let personalities over principles of the program drive me batshit crazy.

Those are only four of the reasons I stopped going. Now I need to work on each of these “problems” and find the solutions, so I can get willing to go back to those meetings.

Now that I’ve called these four things out, I need to start dealing with them so I can ditch em.

On a little lighter of a note, the wind is so freaking crazy today!!! And I hear it’s supposed to get worse!!! Hopefully I don’t lose power tonight because I have class! If I do lose power, I’ll just grab the laptop and head out to a Starbucks or Panera with my headphones too so I can listen to the seminar. Wish me luck that I don’t have to do that!

Until next time…

I can’t believe it’s been so many days between my posts. I’m usually a posting once a day type of gal and here I’ve been neglecting The Soda Stand. Shame on me!

Lots has happened since my last post. My past transgression will most likely NOT be a repeat, thank God. LOL He’s dating a friend of mine back in Vegas and since I’m not that type of person anymore, nothing will happen. It will still be fun to have lunch or dinner with him while he’s here though. He always made me laugh.

I had one of the worst migraines I’ve had in a long time on Friday. It was horrible. I came home early from work to sleep it off. In the middle of my nap, Miss Laci called and offered me two tickets to see Daughtry!!!! OHH EMMM GEEEE. It helped with the headache! lol

Saturday night, I took my co-worker to the concert and we had a blast, even though my head was still kinda pounding on me. Sunday was a waste. I don’t even remember what I did, besides meet Miss Laci for a late lunch to pick up the laptop.

Yesterday, I woke up at four in the morning to puke my guts out. It was awesome. And then I was hitting the bathroom every 20 minutes or so. I called in sick to work and slept off and on throughout the day. I’m still feeling a little pukey, but not bad enough to stay home. If it gets worse, I can always come home again.

After cleaning up my kitchen yesterday, I was wishing I had one of these copper kitchen sinks instead. They look so purdy!

I’m just in shock that it’s the 2nd week of December already. Crazy stuff right there! This year has gone by way too fast. I need to plan a trip to see the family soon cause I’m having withdrawals. Seriously!

Until next time…

When I moved to Kentucky, I don’t know if it was naive of me to think none of my past transgressions would catch up to me or what, but I really never expected what I got today.

I received a message on Facebook from an old “friend” that I used to work with in Vegas.  We worked directly together for about a total of three years.  It was not all consecutive, but we worked together quite a bit here and there.

This “friend” was also one of my transgressions just before and after Todd passed away.  I had gone out with a group of co-workers (cops) one night and we partied quite hard.  I got frisky with two of the guys that night.  Yes.  Two.  One of them turned into an affair that lasted about a year (the Lieutenant I used to talk about on this blog back in 2006/2007) and the other is this “friend” who contacted me on Facebook.

We never really let it go further than that one night, but it sure brought back some memories when I got that message.  I giggled for about 20 minutes at work after checking my email on my phone.

He said he will be in the area for about three months (this tells me they’ve sent him to the SPI that is in this area) and would like to get together for dinner.  I’ll respond to his message tonight when I get home and let him know I’d love to meet up with him for dinner while he’s here. 

I always had fun with him, we were flirty, friendly and he was a good friend for awhile there after Todd died.  I don’t think there is anything wrong with meeting him for dinner, see how he’s doing and what not.  I thought it was awful sweet of him to contact me.

I’m sure I’ll report back once I’ve had dinner with him.  In the meantime, I’m going to go enjoy these memories and laugh myself to tears.

Until next time…

I found out today I will be getting the full benefit of the tuition reimbursement from work.  This is very good news for my bank account!  I will be able to get a new TV without worrying about spending grocery money or gas money.  I will be able to give the small amount to Miss Laci for the laptop she is giving me.   I will be able to catch up on my one bill I am still behind on.  I’m sure I’ll budget it all before I even get it.  LOL

I’ve been in a pretty good mood the last few days, even without my TV as background noise while I play WoW or play the games on Facebook.  I’ve been listening to my iTunes as soon as I get home from work and all the way until I go to sleep, even when I’m talking on vent to my friends, I have the music playing in the background.

My new classes start today and I was reading the syllabus for my writing class this morning before work.  HOLY CRAP!  I’m going to be a busy little writer the next 10 weeks.  I have my first seminar for this class tonight at 8pm and tomorrow night at 9pm for my other class.

I’m looking forward to continuing my education, but I had some seriously hard times scheduling my last two classes and these two look harder and more involved.  OY!

Work has been going halfway decent, even with the supervisor going between treating me like an awesome employee to treating me like the redheaded stepchild.  Dr. Jekyll and Mrs. Hyde at your service.  Sheeesh.

It got real ugly on Monday when she was accusing me of doing something wrong and HER supervisor stepped in and defended me.  She sat there basically yelling at us both (yes, she was yelling at her supervisor) for 10 minutes trying to make us both see that it was MY fault.  However, in the end, it turned out to NOT be my error and she had to get over it.  She didn’t talk to me the rest of the day and wouldn’t even look at me when I spoke to her.  It was awesome. /sarcasm

Until next time…

It appears that life is just throwing shit at me left and right.  I dodge some of it and others hit me square in the nose and catch my attention.

You know, like my 42 inch TV going out and not being worth fixing.  The warranty expired and I was talking to a few electronics geeks and they advised me it would be cheaper to replace it.  Once these TVs like this go out, they seem to have continuous problems.  Awesome!

So I’m without a TV until I can afford to buy one.  I’m planning on calling the cable company and turning that portion of my stuff off.  No use having cable being billed to me if I can’t freaking use it!  Actually, that phone call will only happen if I can’t find one within a week.  I’m going to be checking K-Mart since they have layaway, at least that way I’d get the one I want!

I’m back in contact with my sponsor from Vegas.  It’s good to hear her voice again.  I had not talked to her in awhile.  I also spoke to KP last night and it was awesome!  He makes me giggle and laugh at myself.  I needed that shit!

Until next time…