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Did you see this coming?

A few posts ago, I mentioned I had a lot on my heart and mind, but was having trouble putting it all into words.  This is that post I was going to work on.

I finally realized what it is I’m having trouble putting into words.  Because, ya know, when I verbalize it or put it to paper, it becomes real and I have to actually deal with the shit.

I’ve been unhappy here for awhile.  I’ve been struggling emotionally, physically and mentally to remain upbeat and courageous and responsible.  And then it hit me after my post yesterday about work.

I realized just how unhappy I am here.  While I like the work I do, I’m unhappy 90% of the time when I’m at the office.  I’m unhappy with the GA groups here, I’m unhappy with the city in general (weather and the way it changes).  Basically, I don’t like it here anymore.

I’ve reached out to several people I’ve met in GA, here at work and I just seem to not want to be friends with them, or vice versa.  And there is really nothing wrong with that, but it does make for the lack of a social circle to hang out with when all of my friends (save Miss Laci and Co-Worker P) live in different states.

All of the above has led me to the decision and/or thought that I need to find a new place to call home.  While I’ve always struggled with calling this place home, it has been my home for over 2 years.  I do know that I will not return to Las Vegas, so I need to really research and see where I’m led by God and instinct.

I do not and never will view this as a failure of any kind.  I left Las Vegas fully aware of the fact I may not like where I’m going – it just took me 2.5 years to realize I don’t like it here.

All of the bad things that kept happening to me when I first moved here were like stumbling blocks and I would just trudge through them and come out the other side feeling happy and proud I made it through.  I’ve been feeling these emotions for a few months, I just had not put them on paper or in voice very much.  While I’ve never been quiet about not liking some of the people I work with and their ethics, I have tried not to bitch too much about where I live or this city – because I put myself here.

However, I can’t hide the fact that I’m unhappy anymore.  I’m extremely unhappy and I’ve tried several different things and methods to find happiness.  While I’m happy with ME,  I am not happy with my current living or working situations.   And since no one else can make me happy, I need to do what I feel is right for me and my happiness.

I won’t be talking about this on Facebook, since a lot of my co-workers have no idea I’ve made this decision, so Twitter and my blog here will be the places I talk about it.

While I feel a great weight has been lifted from my shoulders and I feel less stress in making this decision, now comes the daunting task of actually deciding where to go, finding a job, finding living arrangements and making sure (continued prayers, meditation, etc) I’m going to be doing this for the right reasons.

Until next time…

6 Responses to “Did you see this coming?”

  • usedtobeme says:

    Oh, good luck with that! Where have you always wanted to go? I’d say save up and take a trip there. We took many, many trips before moving to AZ and while I can’t bitch about the weather much, I miss Utah and the mountains and the fact that it will always be my home sweet home. AZ is just my home.

  • Jen says:

    Big huge squishy hugs. God will lead you in the right direction!

  • LeSombre says:

    That’s exciting! I’ll follow whatever happens next with great interest. 😉

    Best of luck!

  • Sodapop says:

    UTBM: My number one dream place to live would be New York City. hehe. I’m going to be doing a lot of research on the Atlanta area to be closer to my family. But I’m open to suggestions!

    Jen: thanks lady!! :)

    LeSombre: Thank you! :)

  • pittsburgh!!!

    oh wait…you don’t like goofy weather. dammit.

    good luck in all you do, sodie. i wish you nothing but the best!

  • Sodapop says:

    hello: I’ve decided I’m just going to have to get used to goofy weather wherever I go hahaha :)

    <3