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Archive for January, 2010

What in the world?

Today at work, Manager Lady and I were coming back from a smoke break when she told me I sounded like Peanut from Jeff Dunham’s skits.  All I had said, while talking about someone who talks a lot here at work, was “Dude, shut up!  I’m concentrating!”  She seems to think I really sounded like Peanut there with my tone of voice and infliction.  I thought it was funny and since  I love Peanut, I didn’t mind!

There is this one phone number from Florida that keeps calling me.  So far today, I’ve had four calls from them.  They never leave a message and I never answer it.  Yesterday, they called me a total of eight times.  Nice.

I’ve registered for the new classes for next term in school.  I’ll be moving forward with the writing classes and be in College Composition II and I will have Survey of Mathematics.  OMG!  Math class already?  I’m dying.  I feel sick to my stomach even thinking about that class! 

Speaking of being sick to the stomach, my supervisor is sick today.  Manager Lady thinks she has a stomach virus of some kind, which is not good!  I spent hours in her office yesterday while we worked on payroll.  I do NOT want to catch what she has!  Every little quesy feeling I get makes me nervous as shit! 

Give me a sinus infection, give me a cold and I can handle them (not well, but I handle them.)  The two things I hate hate hate dealing with are headaches and throwing up.  I hate throwing up.  I cry like a baby when I throw up.  Just call me Hector the Projector since I’m projecting that I’m already getting sick hahaha.

I got the strangest phone call last night from a firefighter.  He said that the dispatch center had called the firehouse asking if I was a firefighter and if he knew me.  He let the dispatcher know that I worked up here in payroll/administrative services and that was it.   He got worried about me (?) and wanted to make sure I was okay.  I don’t know why they would call me downstairs and I don’t know why they would call me at all.  I also don’t know why he would call to make sure I was okay.  Whatever.  I didn’t worry about and I didn’t get any phone calls today at work, so I’m thinking it wasn’t anything serious.

I believe I am done rambling now.

Until next time…

Here we are on a payroll Monday….

Work today was not too bad.  We had the first half of payroll done by 8:15 this morning and then just waited an hour or so to get the edit so we could do the 2nd half of payroll.  The 2nd half of payroll did not go near as well as the 1st, however, we got it done well before the due time (it’s due at 2pm) and that’s all that matters!

The rest of the day was long, drawn out and horrid.  It was just a bad day for attitudes (including mine) and emotions. 

Tonight, I’ll be scarce on Facebook, unless I lose concentration on my papers I have to write and the quiz I have to take for school.  I will probably take a break after about an hour of study stuff and go back and forth like that.  I did quite a bit on one of my papers over the weekend, but since my sinus infection was killing me, I didn’t get it all done like I had wanted too.  I got the research done, I just need to put it all together in the format they want.

I didn’t even touch the midterm quiz and paper in the other class.  *le sigh*  I am really struggling this term and I don’t know if it’s because I don’t enjoy the subject matter like I did last term?  I am hoping once I get over this hump of the midterms, my attitude will change and I’ll enjoy the classes a little more.  We’ll see, I guess.

Speaking of changing attitudes, after talking to someone on FB a little,  I started thinking about passive aggressive behavior and how most of us tend to do it without even realizing we do it, most of the time.  And then other times, we do it on purpose just to make ourselves feel better or justified or validated and how crappy that behavior really is.  I’ve made a promise for this new year to better myself and so I’ll be striving to pay close attention to the things I say and do. 

While I’m not promising to never, ever be passive aggressive again, I am promising that I am going to try to pay attention to make sure I’m not being that way. 

Until next time…

I’m doing the happy dance…

It’s Friday and I’m in a good mood today.  These types of days are awesome, just because I find myself smiling more and laughing often.  They’ve been showing up more and more often lately and I’m quite pleased with that.  I woke up in a good mood (even though I didn’t sleep all that well) and the mood has progressed with me throughout the day.

While I had a little trouble getting to work (fishtailing, traffic, etc) I still got here early (I left super early too).  I was busy most of the morning and into the afternoon, just catching up on things from yesterday, payroll prep and some year end and quarter end stuff I need to get done by the end of next week.  I finished one quarterly report today and turned that in.  It feels good when I get this stuff done early and surprise my supervisor’s supervisor.

I went outside a few times for a cigarette and holy frick was it cold today!!!  And it was snowing pretty hard a few times I was out there.  Ah well, it won’t last forever and the snow is very pretty when it’s new and not all mushed up and dirty!

I’m looking forward to this weekend, even though I have tons of school work I need to get done.  I will have two days off this week and then next week, while I have to work on Saturday, I will have both Sunday and Monday off, thanks to the Martin Luther King holiday on that Monday.

MLK day will be the last of our holidays we get off here in the Ville until July 4th, so I’m going to enjoy it!  In Vegas, we had 11 holidays that we got off.  Whenever the federal government was closed, so were we!  I lost President’s Day, Christmas Eve and Veteran’s Day as holidays. 

I suppose I shouldn’t complain too much, since a lot of the private sector doesn’t get too many holidays off with pay.  I also shouldn’t complain cause…yanno…I have a job. 

One of my creditors has caught up with me at work.  OMG!  While I’m not all that upset they caught up with me in general, I am upset that they started calling me at work!!!  I nipped that shit in the bud immediately.  I told them to only call my cell phone.  Period.  While they are willing to work with me on payments and what not, I don’t really have the money to send them, so I’m at a standstill with them at this point.  Which is why they wouldn’t work with me 9 months ago when I tried this type of deal with them and the other eleventy billion creditors of mine.

Ahh well.  They didn’t ruin my day or my mood, so I’m going to just enjoy the rest of the evening.

Until next time…

Personal days are made for days like today…

I got this morning at my regular time, looked outside and saw that it was snowing.  It makes me a little nervous driving in this weather, but I was going to suck it up and head to work.  I left here at 7am (about 15 minutes earlier than I normally do) and I sat on my street, waiting to turn onto the main road for about 10 minutes.  Once I got on that road, it was another 10 minutes before I could turn on the road that would take me to the interstate.  After another 10 minutes, I realized this was going nowhere, so I found a place to turn around and I came home.  I called my supervisor and told her the chicken shit would be taking a personal day today.  Fuck that.  So not wanting to deal with that shit.

I had a good time with my old friend C last night.  We met at a steak house at 4:30 and hung out chatting, eating and having a few cocktails until about 6:30, quarter to 7:00.  I rushed home to get ready for my seminar, only to realize I forgot there was NO seminar this week since it’s midterms, week 5.  *sigh*  I could have hung out with him for a few more hours!  His girlfriend is coming into town this weekend and we are going to meet up again for dinner/drinks when she is here.  Adore his girlfriend, so I made him promise to call me when she is here.

Since I am off today, I am going to do some studying for the midterms in both classes and start working on the paper that is due in one of them as part of the midterm.  Fun day off!

Until next time…

Too funny….

I know I already posted today, but I have to again for the simple fact to let you know how funny my co-workers are.  Remember my post about past transgressions and the one who is in town for some unknown reason?  Yeah, that one.  I also found out the reason he’s in the area for so long, but I won’t go into that because it’s his shit to share and I wouldn’t discuss that with anyone.  Let me just say it’s a long drawn out drama-fest and I can’t wait to hear the whole story!

Well, he finally called to set up a day for us to meet for dinner.  We are meeting today at 4:30 (early so I can make my seminar tonight) at a steak house here in town and will get to eat and catch up on the last 2.5 years.

My co-workers seem to think this will be a “repeat” of said transgression.  However, since my last post and this one, I found out he’s dating a good friend of mine back in Vegas and so nothing will happen there.  Not only would I never poach a friend’s man, I’m trying not to poach at all, ya know?  (changing of the inner self!)  I don’t know if it’s because they want me to find a man and be happy, but they all think something is going to come of this little “date” and I keep trying to steer the conversation away from that.  It’s quite hilarious really to see women over 45 getting all giddy cause I’m “meeting a man” for dinner.  Made my day, really.  I laughed quite a bit.

On that note, I’m going to get outta here and onto the steak and potatoes awaiting me at the steakhouse!

Until next time…

First impressions….

They say your first impression of someone or something is usually the correct judgment to make.  I’ve found over the years, this is not always the case.

However, after last night’s adventure of mine, I may start listening to it. 

I tried the Neti Pot.  Yes.  I stuck something up my nose to clean out my sinuses.  I followed the directions exactly and I have to say I thought my sinuses were on fire.  I dissolved the saline solution the way it said.  I stirred and stirred and waited and waited for it to dissolve. 

I tipped my head in the direction the paper said too and then stuck the little nozzle slightly into my left nostril.  I then tipped the pot and let the saline solution water flow into my nostril.  HOLY FUCKING NOODLES, Batman! 

My eyes immediately teared up and my nose felt like it was on fire.  I let it drain out the way the directions said and then did it again.  I was in tears by the time I was done with that nostril and then I had to move on to the left nostril.  *le sigh*

The outcome was much better than the actual experience of using the stupid thing.  I was able to breathe clearly throughout the night and it really helped the congestion last night.  I’ll use it again, although it does not make me happy to do so.

I hated the experience and my first impression of the Neti Pot was not a good one.  However, my doctor has already told me she wants me using it once a day while I’m sick AND after I get better, so I need to get used to it I guess.

Until next time…

Just random thoughts of my day.

I’ve slowly started getting back into the GA thing.  I’m trying to get to a point where I commit to at least one meeting a week again.  It used to be Friday nights and I’m thinking I will choose that one again as my main substenance of the program recovery I so need.  I felt awesome when I went the Friday before Christmas and I’m looking forward to the meeting this Friday.

I still need to get my car worked on and I’m planning on making some phone calls tomorrow, after my doctor’s appointment.  I’ve been fighting some sinus stuff the last few days and I want to nip this in the bud before it gets any worse.  Once I get my car done, I’m going to plan a trip to see my family.  I just have to see what the weather is going to be like once I get it done.  I’m looking at the end of January, but again, waiting on the weather reports between here and there, ya know?  I hate driving in the mild winter weather we get here, I couldn’t imagine driving in anything worse through Tennessee or Alabama.

Josie hasn’t been feeling well since yesterday.    I came home to some diarrhea and throw up all over the dining room area.  She did not move from the floor by my feet at the computer all night long.  I had her in my lap for awhile until I could not stand the smell of her gas.  LOL  I know, “bad mommy!” I’m keeping an eye on her and if she gets worse, I’ll call the vet.  My poor punkin is sick!!!

Some fellow students and I were having a hard time understanding some stuff.  On the school website, it said our Unit 5 midterms did not start until January 6.  However, our professor was telling us it ENDED the 5th – which meant we had to have our midterms and papers in by midnight tomorrow.  Ummmm yeah.  She was fussing at us and refusing to give on the dates of the term.  However, in my other class, we don’t start back until the 6th (which is unit 5 midterms) and it ends the 12th.

Several of us were emailing the instructor and I guess one of the others contacted the head guy of our legal/law school studies (yeah I don’t understand why I’m in their law school either – but…whatev) and the professor ended up sending out another email tonight – letting us know that we were correct after all.  At least she apologized and now I have a few days to study and get ready for the midterm instead of having to cram that and the paper in.  Although, I have started on the outline for the paper, I’m not going to freak out as much now.  Whew!

I’m hoping this week at work goes fairly quickly.  I get out of the office today, leaving at 10:30 for my doctor’s appointment and then return after that.  It will be nice to get out of the office!  Everyone is back from vacation over the holidays and I’m ready to send them packing again!!!  lol  I was able to do MY actual work the entire two weeks of the holidays and yesterday?  I didn’t get crap done cause people kept interrupting me and bringing me new projects that have higher priority than my regular work.  Nice.  Ah well.  I made it through the day and it is now one day closer to the weekend!

Until next time…

What I’m working on….

I’m working on me this year and I’ve gotten a good start so far for the year!  We are four days into 2010 and I’m starting to really focus and see what I want.  Not just what I “want” but what I need, as well.

I’ve started to forgive myself for all my transgressions and in doing this, I’ll be able to forgive those whom I “feel” have wronged me in the past.  While I’ve always been one to “forgive” and move forward pretty quickly, I find I hold grudges.  Horribly.  For a very long time I will hold a grudge.  I fight it and I fight it and try to deny that I’m holding said grudge.  Doesn’t work out so well for me that way, so I’m trying something different!

Someone once told me that when staying the same becomes too painful, you’ll change.  I’ve been to that threshold so many times in my life, it’s not even funny.  While I think change is a wonderful thing, sometimes I don’t like the immediate outcome, but look forward to the big picture change.

I’ve had friends coming and going in my life for years.  I have wronged some and some of them have wronged me, it’s a give and take.  I look back at a few of the friendships I’ve lost over the years (dating back to high school) and I think fondly of those people who came into my life and taught me something.  Some of these friendships have ended due to distance, time and just plain growing in different directions. 

I’ve always learned something from everyone I’m in contact with.  Positive, negative, right or wrong, I’ve learned things about myself, about other people and about my Higher Power.

While a huge chunk of the old me would like to sit here and focus on all the negative that’s ever been done to me or the negative I’ve done to others, I’m really trying to focus on all the positive.  Positive influences are so important and I prefer to focus on them instead of the negative influences.

I’m sure a lot of my writing will be just raw emotions coming to the surface for the next few weeks and I’m okay with that.  I’ve decided to just write what I’m feeling and go from there.  Again.  I used to always do that without thought of who I might upset or piss off.  I was expressing myself and that’s all that mattered to me at the moment.  While I would like to get back to that point of where I am writing this blog for myself and not anyone else, I do hope I can find the compassion to not be a total douche when I do express myself (especially with the negative feelings).

Here’s to a great year!

The new year is what?

2010 came in without a bang.  It was peaceful and quiet for me.  I was at home, watching Daughtry and J-Lo sing in Times Square.  I’d love to experience that place on NYE, just once.  I was also playing WoW and talking to a few friends over Vent while playing.   It was not the most ideal way to spend the new year, but it will do and I’m not all that upset it happened this way.

I spent yesterday doing nothing but playing computer games, reading for school and watching TV.  I didn’t do a lick of housework or laundry.  That will change tonight after I get off work from my 2nd job.   It’s cold and snowy out right now.  It’s supposed to stop snowing and the sun is supposed to show itself today.  Here’s to that!  Although the temps won’t get above 25 or 26, at least the sun will be out.

As the new year rolled into play, I started thinking about all the lessons I’ve learned and where I’m at compared to where I was a few years ago.  There are good and bad sides of this and while I made huge strides in some areas, I also backslid quite a bit in others.

I am going to focus this year on me and how I feel about me.  Most of my emotional problems are all about me and how I feel about what I do and say and how I act.  I’ve stopped being social, which is not cool as far as I’m concerned.  I’d much rather sit at home with my dog and TV than hang out with people.  While this behavior can be healthy in moderation, it’s not so healthy the way I did it.

And then I tried to blame all my friends (near and far) cause they never call me.  They never make contact with me.  I’m always the one who makes contact with them and usually, that contact is ignored.  So…ya know…it’s all your fault.  I had nothing to do with it.  *cough*  Can we smell the bullshit on that one?  lol  While I don’t like the fact most of my contact attempts were ignored, there’s nothing I can do about that and I just need to move forward.

This past year was one of pain, anguish and a lot of love and happiness.  I’m glad it’s over.  2009 was not kind to a lot of people I know and it was not kind to me.  I’m looking forward to the near year and finding what makes me happy, from the inside out.

Instead of focusing on what YOU are doing to make me happy, I’m going to focus on what *I* am doing to make me happy.

I’m also going to be looking for new ways to find happiness at work.  While I enjoy the actual work I do, I do not enjoy the way I’m treated or talked too.  And really, when your supervisors best friend is HER supervisor, who can ya go to, right?  I could go through the chain of command, but the first person I have to go through is the best friend of my supervisor.  *le sigh*  I could jump one or two in the chain, but that would get me in trouble.  Rock, meet hard place.

I’ve considered finding a different job within the city government.  I’m keeping my eye on the website and any openings that pop up.  I’ve also considered moving out of Louisville.  While Las Vegas is not an option and I’d rather go south towards Georgia, I don’t know that I’m ready to give up yet here in the Ville.  Part of me wants to pack it in and run and the other wants to face it all head on and see what comes of it.  I’m going with the latter.  I’m going to face it all and see what comes of it.

The last 2 years have been a serious learning experience for me and I’m not quite willing to give that up yet.  I have so much more to learn here in the Ville.  I need to give it a chance, I think.

Until next time…