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Dream on….dream away….

I forgot to hit publish on a few of my posts I had written already and when I went to publish them, I hit delete instead.  *le sigh*  I hate it when I’m an idiot like that!

The third and final entry into my “dreams changing” series that you’ve read the last few days, is here.

My dreams are ever changing and evolving, just like me.  I am constantly changing and evolving into someone new and fresh.  Sometimes those changes are not for the better, but most of the time they are.  I am self aware enough to know when the changes I’m going through are not good for me.  I’m also self aware enough to know that without pain, there is no growth or change.  Growing pains are always a part of my evolutions.  While I don’t enjoy the process, usually once I’ve completed that one evolution, I’m okay.

I have a lot of problems.   I have health problems that are unexplainable.  I have depression bouts that my meds don’t seem to help.  I have attitude about the recovery program that saved my life.  I’m aware.   I’m also taking care of things behind the scenes.   I don’t talk too much about exactly what I’m going through or what I’m doing on this blog anymore.

I found out exactly how fickle the interwebz can be, so I choose not to share a lot of my life here, Facebook or Twitter anymore.  I’m okay with that.  I accept the way this world is and I know that every step I take is in the right direction for me.   Some of my decisions and behavior may not be what others expect of me, but they are always there for a reason.  I have to go through some stuff to get to the other side where I belong.

I’m okay with all of the stuff I’ve done, gone through and become to get to where I’m at today.  It’s a shame some people aren’t okay with that.  It breaks my heart that we all can’t just accept each other the way we are.  Even when going through changes and evolutions, we need to stand by each other and support each others.  Compassion, encouragement and love are three things I always try to give people in my life.  Whether I agree with what that person is doing or not, I am always there for them.  When people reach out to me, I try to reach back and let them know they are not alone.

My dreams are my own.  My dreams are not something to be judged or talked about behind my back.  My issues are my issues and they are being dealt with in my way and they are also not up for debate or judgment by anyone but me and my doctor.

I love watching people going through changes.  Sometimes they struggle and they fuss and they cry.  But most of us pick ourselves up and keep moving forward.  We keep fighting the good fight.  It’s the only option for me.  I keep getting up and I keep moving forward.  If I don’t, I won’t be able to accomplish any of the dreams I mentioned in my last posts.  How sad would that be?

I’m going to go enjoy my last day with my family today.  We are going to hang out, play the Wii, drink coffee, eat some yummy home made tacos and I’m going to bask in the love of the only people who truly matter.  Blood.  Family.  My family will never abandon me and they will never turn their back on me.  For that, I am eternally grateful.

Until next time…

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