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I can see clearly now…

Although the sun is not shining here in the Ville, my eyes are open.  I had an epiphany over the weekend and it really feels good to be able to say I’m on the other side of something.  I had really been struggling with a few things (obviously, since I talk about stuff all the time here) and something just “snapped” over the weekend.  It was like a light that popped on and allowed me to see the truth.

I pray every day that God allows me to see the truth, no matter what truth that is.  So basically, even if it’s something I’m going to have to work on harder or more frequently, I ask to see it.  I ask to see the truth because for me, the truth shall set me free.

I also realized how big of a bitch Karma really is and I’m willing to take my penance for past transgressions against other people.  While I don’t think I was an absolute horror or bitchy person, I have wronged people.  I have treated them horribly, talked about them behind their back and generally gossiped and criticized them.  And that was repaid to me over the weekend.  I was hurt, angry and disappointed.

I have a sordid past.  I’ve never been untruthful about that.  I’ve had affairs with men who were unhealthy for me for one reason or another.  Either they were not emotionally unavailable to me, they were married, they were taken, they were addicts, etc etc.  Whatever the case may be, I own it.  I own every single one of those things I’ve done.  While I’m not proud of my actions in the past, I am proud of the fact I strive not to do it anymore.  Yea, I struggle with it.  Yes, I pray about it all the time.  I pray for guidance and strength.  I even talk to a few friends about how I feel in one particular situation.  I am tempted every day and I do not “bite.”  I fight it off and I turn the other cheek.  I’m quite proud of myself for that, considering how I used to be and this is in recent past.

I had one of those situations passive aggressively thrown in my face over the weekend by someone I considered a friend and this light bulb came on.  It enabled me to see the truth, as painful as it may have been.  It enabled me to block a few people from certain information on FB and it’s given me the strength to really look at who I am.

  • I am a woman who is honest about her feelings.
  • I am a woman who will not hide from her past.
  • I am a person who is good at heart and would give you the shirt off her back if you needed it.
  • I am faithful in my friendships and my relationship with God.
  • I am working on myself and improving daily.
  • I am strong, courageous and beautiful.
  • I know who I am AND while some people do not, *I* like who I am.

I am who I am.   I will remain loyal to myself, “to thine own self be true” and the “truth shall set me free.”  I’m done worrying about what others think of me.

Until next time…

3 Responses to “I can see clearly now…”

  • Jennifer says:

    You forgot something: You ARE awesome!

  • Miss Britt says:

    If you lived closer I would be camped out on your couch when you got home from work tonight because good LORD we could talk about this for HOURS and HOURS and HOURS. Well, I mean, you know – if you didn’t call the cops when you walked into your apartment and found me camped out on your couch.

    “While I’m not proud of my actions in the past, I am proud of the fact I strive not to do it anymore.”


  • Sodapop says:

    Jennifer – thanks honey! 🙂

    Miss Britt – I would not call the cops on you. I would pour you a glass of wine and we could commiserate for hours and hours. And then I’d let you crash on the couch you were camped on! 🙂