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Purge and cleanse, lather, rinse, repeat…

I’ve been doing a lot of soul searching, or navel gazing if that’s your preference.  I look back on this blog and I see how I’ve grown and how I’ve struggled.  I see how I went into a huge funk, one that I’m still finding my way out of.  I see things from my past that I sometimes think are best left unsaid or left in the dark without the whole world to see.

I’ve considered leaving the blogging world in a sense, that I wouldn’t really blog much anymore but still read your blogs.  I’ve considered going back through the 2500+ posts here and deleting or password protecting (with an unknown password) some of my other posts.

When I started blogging 4.5 years ago, I had very little knowledge of what privacy I would be giving up.  I didn’t realize people would try to revert me back to being in high school.  I graduated 23 years ago, I’m not digging it.  I didn’t like high school then and I certainly don’t like how it sometimes makes me feel now. 

I read and I hear about all this drama out in the blogosphere and it makes me question myself.  I look back at the last 4.5 years and realize how mean of a person I’ve been.  I also see how I’ve grown and become a better person from the inside out. 

In the next few days, if your readers blow up with password protected posts, please forgive me.  I don’t know if it will update your feeds or not (I’m not savvy like that) when I go in and update the post.  I’m almost afraid to delete or get rid of some of these posts because I’ve had this blog since I started and I don’t know if I want to get rid of that part of my life.  It’s helped shape me into who I am today and it makes me kinda sad knowing that I’m considering walking away from it.

I’m going to keep thinking, praying, meditating and journaling before making my final decision.  Maybe just start over somewhere else?  Who knows what I will decide.  Ya’ll will be the 2nd or third set of peeps to know (first will be mom and my brother).

Until next time…

8 Responses to “Purge and cleanse, lather, rinse, repeat…”

  • Angelique says:

    I know how you feel. You have to do what feels right. There is a lot of drama out there and who needs that? My vote is that you start fresh and only take the ones with you who matter. But that’s just my suggestion.
    When I first started blogging it was about making friends and reading others and being read. Now I use it as a form of journaling. Trying to figure out my insides. I like that only a select few know of its existence and that it’s tied to the “real” me. I’ve often toyed with just shutting off the comments to my posts — which might be a viable “half-way” solution for you to consider.
    You will make the right decision, Soda. Go with your heart and gut!

  • Hilly says:

    Kind of like The Facts of Life…you take the good, you take the bad. I think that without the mistakes that we’ve all made over the years, we wouldn’t have grown as much as we all have today.

    In my little corner of the PRB, it seems like drama is down to a dull roar. Of course, maybe I just don’t notice it? I used to say, “I hate fucking drama!” but be the first person to ask “who, where, why and how?” when the littlest information surfaced. Now, I truly don’t care nor to I ask and yanno, it feels damned good.

  • Miss Britt says:

    Obviously – to each their own and what not – but… 😉

    I really like the idea of a blog being able to show a person’s progression. I like that I can, for example, go back and read about my life from the perspective of who I was 1, 2, 3 years ago. It’s so much easier for who I am now to narrate my past – mistakes, triumphs, whatever. I can gloss over the yucky parts, play up the flattering parts, and rewrite history like a Yankee with the Civil War! But it’s a rare thing to be able to revisit who you were, for good or bad.

    I’m babbling, I know, but – yeah. I think even the ugly parts are cool to have around as a reminder.

  • Sodapop says:

    Angelique, thanks 🙂 I think whichever way I actually go, I’ll be happy with the decision.

    Hilly, I agree. Without all of the crap from my past, I would not be who I am and since I’m kinda liking who I am right now, I don’t know that I want to get rid of it. heh And currently, the dramarama in my corner is at a stand still. I think I was talking more about past issues and other people’s issues with drama. I tend to throw myself in the middle of some of it and then I end up feeling crappy about myself for doing that. lol

    Miss Britt, I really don’t know if I want to get rid of my past. I agree, I do like to go back to a certain point in time and see how much I’ve grown. It’s a relief sometimes, ya know? I don’t think you were babbling! 🙂

  • Jennifer says:

    The past is the past. Don’t dwell on it. So the posts are there for people to see. What has been said has been said and already been seen. I don’t see the point in spending the time and energy to password protect all the posts. Maybe if there are select ones for very personal reasons you want to protect, then go for it, but geez, all 2500+ – don’t waste your time!

    You might as well just delete your blog if you’re going to do that.


    Ya I’m being blunt on this one. You can’t get rid of your past, and you know that.

    Let’s move on to brighter things now.


  • Jennifer says:

    Oh, and another thing. Drama is only drama when the Drama Llama shows it’s ugly face. Don’t participate in it (I know you rarely do). It is what it is and the drama llamas know who they are.

  • Sodapop says:

    Jennifer – I <3 you. And I had decided a day or so ago not to do that. And I'm not going to delete the blog. I think I was just feeling funky that day or something, but you're right. It would be a huge waste of time for me to go back and pw protect any of the posts.

  • Jen says:

    PHEW! I didn’t realize I was two days behind! LOL