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There’s another world inside of me that you may never see

So much stuff has happened since I last blogged.  I’ve been planning for the last several weeks to spend some time with some Vegas GA people, which would in turn make it so I hung out with some Louisville GA people too.  Oh and I can’t forget my Indy crew either.  The 2010 Spring Conference was here in the Ville over the weekend.  It’s one of two national conferences this year.  The next one is in Tampa at the end of October.  If I had not already planned a 2 week vacation out to Vegas in October, I’d probably be going to Tampa. This post is discombobulated in my head, so it will probably come out like I’m rambling.  And I’m okay with that, I hope you are too.

Several of my friends from Vegas were planning on being here, since they are trustees for the area in Vegas.  Thursday I met a few of them downtown at the Galt House for dinner and cocktails.  I got home around 9pm after a wonderful time of catching up, laughing and seeing people I haven’t seen in years.  Friday, I ended up going to the doctor and with the rest of the day off work because of my hand (huge long story…thought it was broken, it’s not, but it still hurts!)  At around 630 or so, I headed back downtown to have dinner and cocktails again with the entire Vegas crew.  It was so incredibly fun, I can’t even begin to explain.  After the dinner and entertainment for the conference, we went dancing at 4th Street Live and I got home around 2am.

Yesterday, I slept in as much as my body would let me and then went shopping for a dress *gasp* for the banquet dinner.  This time, I took an overnight bag so I could stay over and see them off in the morning.  We enjoyed the dinner and then headed down to 4th Street Live AGAIN to a place called Saddle Ridge.  It has a mechanical bull and a pole to dance on.  Yes…there is a picture of me on FB dancing on the pole.  Pfft.

I think I finally fell asleep around 2am again last night and we woke up at 7am to hit the closing ceremonies and have breakfast with everyone before they all headed out to do their own thing or go home.  I took my friend J to the airport this morning and then headed home to start laundry, play a little WoW and do homework for the rest of the day.  I’ll be quite busy with the school stuff today and tomorrow after work.  I put it all aside for this weekend and it was worth the stress I’ll be feeling tomorrow while trying to hammer it all out.

I can not begin to explain how I felt this entire weekend.  It was soothing to me to have these women that I’ve known for the better part of a decade in my ‘hood.  They’ve seen me at some really low points in my life (when I first went into the program and when Todd died).  They’ve seen me at some really high points in my life (when I got promoted and when I made the decision to leave Las Vegas).  They’ve seen me when I’ve let my ass show (being a bitch, fussy, etc), they’ve seen me laugh until I cried or almost peed myself or both.  They’ve seen me struggle and strain to remain the person I am at my core.  They’ve watched me grow and they’ve watched every single evolution of me in the last 9 years.

And they’ve remained with me, even when I didn’t know why anyone would remain with me.  When I was angry at the world and lashing out at everyone right after Todd died.  When all I wanted to do was go gamble and numb the pain I felt when “he left me.”  They’ve held me up when I couldn’t stand on my own.  They’ve laughed with me, cried with me and prayed with me.  They’ve sat with me, danced with me, stood with me and recovered with me.  They are what I strive to be in 10 years.

They also presented me with a mirror I had not wanted to look at lately and I’m grateful for that.  I won’t be beating myself up anymore for who I am or what I’ve done or not done when it comes to the GA program.  I’ve remained faithful to myself and my Higher Power and I’ve chosen not to gamble, even when not attending meetings.  They reminded me how much I’ve grown and I can’t grow without some growing pains, so I’m absorbing all I learned this weekend and I’m absorbing the love and serenity I feel when I’m around them.  I am going to hang onto that for awhile and not let go.  I needed this weekend.  I needed my Vegas crew to remind me that my life is no longer black and white.  My life is what it is and I’ve come so very far with it.

I hope you all had a great weekend!

Until next time…

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