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Losing the passion

I think I’ve lost the passion to blog.  I think I’m losing the passion to come here daily and tell you what’s going on in my life.  I’d like to say it’s changes within me and this is just another evolution of me, however, the honesty of it all is this – I don’t feel safe here.  I do not feel safe sharing my inner most thoughts and feelings here anymore.  I find this incredibly heart breaking.

For me, courage is not the lack of fear, but walking through that fear and doing it anyway.  So here I am walking through that fear of having no safety net when I blog and tell you all my deepest, darkest secrets.

I have a handful of people who have this blog, I know them all either personally or well enough online that if my thoughts get shared with those NOT having this URL and it somehow gets back to me?  I’ll know whom I can and cannot trust.  Sad, but true cause I love each and every one of you and it’s already been proven that someone handed out my information, so really – who can I trust?

I’ve had a lot going on in my life lately.  I’ve got school and the whole financial aid fiasco of 2010 should be taken care of.  I bartered and hemmed and hawed until we came to a mutual understanding that I cannot afford what they were asking me to pay.  We compromised and met somewhere in the middle between what I WAS paying and what they wanted me to pay this time.  I’m not 100% happy with it, but it’s my education that will net me higher paying jobs in the long run, so I’m trying to just suck it up and keep moving forward.

All those sinus infections and colds I’ve been fighting off the last few months?  Yeah, they caught up with me Thursday of last week.  I was horribly sick over the weekend and could hardly talk.  My mom called me several days of the weekend and it hurt too much to talk at one point on Sunday.  It was horrible.  I was hacking up a lung and sneezing my bloody head off.  I’m feeling much better today, still congested though.  I’ve been using the Neti pot religiously and taking my meds like I’m supposed too.  I’m hoping I kick this within the next day or two.

I’m sure it did not help the cold/allergy/whatev but I rearranged my living room and bedroom over the weekend.  Actually did the bedroom Sunday evening and the living room on Monday.  I don’t know how to just relax anymore without getting up to do stuff around this apartment.

Nothing exciting in the love life arena.  Although, don’t ask a few of my co-workers.  They’ll tell ya I’m banging all the firefighters downstairs.  While I wouldn’t mind doing one or two of them, I just can’t see myself doing that.  It reminds me of my ex boyfriend who thought I was sleeping with a whole squad of bike officers in Vegas.  lol  Turned out he was cheating on me, so he was trying to project his actions onto me.  Figures.

Hope you’re all doing well!

Until next time…

7 Responses to “Losing the passion”

  • Miss Britt says:

    This whole thing just baffles me. It’s not like you’re over here dishing anything incriminating or particularly juicy, you know? It’s just normal life stuff, it seems.

    You do what you gotta do, Soda.

  • Sodapop says:

    Miss Britt – it baffles me too. I’m going to keep blogging, I won’t disappear. After posting this a felt a little better. I figure whoever shared my info with others will have karma come back and/or they’ll have to answer for their hateful ways one way or another. Not for me to decide. Thank God! lol

  • Shelli says:

    Maybe your co-workers are projecting onto you.

    Why would anyone hand out your info? It’s just stupid and juvenile.

  • Sodapop says:

    Shelli – maybe they are! Ooooh never thought of that! lol As for giving my info out, when I said that I mean give out the url here and my twitter feeds too. Not personal information (that has gotten back to me anyway). :) I don’t know why they would, makes no sense to me.

  • Vanessa says:

    I am so sorry that there are those that feel they have the right to be the “gossip” about your life. It’s not their business and it makes me so mad that people like that exist. I love hearing about the good, bad and ungly because it has impacted my life in a good way, but I understand that you have to do what is best for you. Bloody bastards, I hope they have exploding diarrhea in the middle of Walmart. Crap! I hope that doesn’t backfire LOL I’ll let you know if it does… because we both can have a good laugh at my expense.

  • bubblewench says:

    Who said you have to post EVERY DAY? I don’t. I kinda like it like that. I know that whole work fiasco sucks ass. I like what Vanessa said, hope they aren’t wearing any drawers that day too. Heh.

  • Dave2 says:

    I don’t share much of anything personal on my blog, but I still know what you mean. ANY bit of information… no matter how small or seemingly insignificant… gains new importance when published on the internet for the entire world to see. And there’s always somebody out there just waiting for something new to attack, which always adds danger… real or imagined… to everything we do online.

    Even so, I still feel the benefits far outweigh the dangers, so I’m here to stay. I hope you are too. :-)