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Archive for October, 2010

Mumblings in my brain

For those not in the know, I was in a car accident while I was in Las Vegas on vacation.  The previous post details the accident and the aftermath.  I’ve had a few new bruises pop up from my accident and I’m still really sore and can barely move.  It doesn’t hurt to breathe, but it sure hurts to just move! If I sit here not moving, I’m fine.  The minute I move to readjust my comfort levels and my chest reminds me of my car accident.

I’m not really looking forward to going to work tomorrow.  I’m in a lot of pain and don’t really feel like being grilled about my vacation or my accident.  I just want to stay home and do nothing, but I don’t want to waste a vacation day.  I have four left and one personal day.  Those need to last me until July 1 – through snow season (we sometimes end up taking “snow days” that come off our vacation if it snows heavy enough).

I finished my laundry, but did not put it all away.  I hung up my work-type clothes and put away some stuff, and that’s it.  I looked at the homework I have for the week and it’s pretty intimidating.  I did a quiz and some discussion board stuff today but still have a paper and more discussion boards to do before Tuesday.  I’ll work on it tomorrow after work and Tuesday after work as well, if I don’t finish it off tomorrow.

My vacation recap post will have to wait because I’m not in the right mindset to post about how much fun I had up until my accident.  I’m sure I’ll get to it within the next few days because honestly, I have to tell you, I had a fantastic vacation the first 10 days I was there.  It was all that I ever dreamed a vacation back home would be.  I’m trying to focus on those days instead of the last.  I’ll get there.

I hope you all have had a great Halloween!

Until next time…

Protected: The worst 22 hours of my life

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Why do I do the things I do?

My walking buddy, CS, and I sometimes chat while we walk.  While she doesn’t get breathless, I do.  Sometimes we chatter on and on about things that bug us.  Things at work, things at home, things with men, just things.  We talk about our friends outside of work and our friends outside of Louisville.  We talk about pretty much everything.  I don’t know how she does it, but she will talk talk talk without losing her breath.  Even on stairs!  Ahh to the have the lungs of a non-smoker!

One of my many goals with this walking/working out thing will be to quite smoking, but I really don’t feel ready to do that yet.  I’m sure I will cause I can feel myself leaning that way anyway.  I’m thinking about it more and more.  I love the way I’m feeling and from what I’ve been told, I’m looking good too.   I still can’t “see” a difference.  I am still fitting into the same size clothes I was wearing before we started walking.

I’ve been doing a lot of soul searching and, of course, some self-beat up time about things I’ve chosen to do in my life in the last few years.  One of the biggest things I’ve beat myself up over is my love life.  I’ve made some pretty poor choices in my life and even at 41 years old, I make some of the same mistakes.  The only difference between now and when I was in my 20’s and early 30’s is that I’m more aware of it and it turns into a conscience choice I make to walk down that road (if/when I choose that poor choice).

Some days are better than others on the whole beating myself up thing.  I feel how I feel, there is no way around that.  As my beautiful friend Lisa used to say “it is what it is.”  I just have to find a way through the emotions and move forward.

Currently, I am enjoying my single status and I’m keeping my emotions in check for the most part.  There are days here and there that I let my emotions take over and I get a little stupid or I let my brain fall outta my head and I’m okay with that.  I’m okay with who I am and how I live my life.  I’m human and I’m going to make mistakes.  I’m going to make those poor choices and bad decisions.  I’m going to do stupid things every now and then.  It is what it is.

I can choose to either beat myself up over and over to the point of major depression coming back into my life, or I can stand up and say “hey, that probably wasn’t the wisest of choices for me to make” and move forward with that knowledge.  I choose to strive towards making good choices for myself, and for the most part, I do now.

And now my weekend is starting and I have a buttload of homework to do before flying to Vegas on Tuesday.  I want to get it all done before I leave so I don’t have to boot up the laptop the first day I’m out there!

Until next time…

Nature is harsh enough, we don’t need to be.

I was watching Temple Grandin over the weekend and the post title is similar to something she said in the movie.  She, of course, was talking about cattle and how they are raised for slaughter.  I, of course, am talking about human behavior and how we treat each other.

I read blog posts every few days and I just read one today that made me seething mad.  Someone went to a girl she thought she could trust to talk about some stuff bothering her.   This person she went too, turned on her and basically verbally chewed her out.  It pissed me off.  It made me livid.

Recently, I was involved in a discussion on a Facebook status message comment and it was centered around how someone had treated this friend. 

I hate that some people think they have the right to express themselves rudely, use things against others and make the person feel less than.  Or hurt the person’s feelings.  Or whatever the case may be. 

These two situations made me happy I’ve cut my close knit group of friends down to a minimum and not one person in my life right now has ALL of my secrets or information.  I don’t post everything that happens to me on Facebook anymore.  I don’t post here about everything that happens to me.  I have a handful of people I KNOW I can trust and they know 95% of what I go through.  The other 5% is for me and God.

I am opinionated and I am aggressive.  I am honest and I am assertive.  I do not hide behind a facade of anything.  I don’t know how to do that.  I know how to be Sodapop.  I know how to be the person I am becoming.

I go through evolutions and changes, just like everyone else.  And I can honestly and wonderfully say I’ve yet to purposefully hurt anyone with my words.  I have not once used information from past or present against someone.  I have not once told someone to “get over it, other people have it worse” or anything along those lines. 

I don’t give a FUCK what other people have.  When I’m going through something, why would I worry about others?  I’m trying to figure my own shit out.  Sometimes, though, it does help me to help others and in turn, I figure out the answer to my current problem.  If I’m talking about MY problems?  That’s all that matters to me at that moment.  As my friend, wouldn’t it be beneficial to our friendship to at least pretend to listen or care?  If I’m struggling with someone, why on God’s green earth would someone make me feel so stupid and not worthy of expressing myself?

To people like that, fuck you.  How dare you make anyone else feel worthless or less than.  We all have our problems, sure.  We all have issues, sure.  But show some humanly respect and common courtesy and know that something that may be bugging me or the girl next to me, could mean something.  It could mean something so important to that person sharing it, you would only serve to belittle their feelings if you jump down their shit.  Seriously.

Common courtesy is the act of being kind.  Period.  Be kind.  Do the next right thing.  Don’t be a douche and try to make the other person feel stupid.  Did that make you feel better?  Did that make you feel better than her?  WTF!

Be kind, be respectful and don’t make someone feel stupid for expressing themselves.

Until next time…