Archive for May, 2011
A post two days in a row? Holy cow!
Can you believe this shit? I’m posting again! Two days in a row! There was a time when I posted everyday, like clock work. Sometimes, I’d write a post and date it for the next day, knowing I’d have plans or something and didn’t want to feel tied down to this blog. Now I blog sporadically and post when I feel like it. Sometimes I do a week or so between posts. Today, I waited a day.
There are some strange, freaky coincidences going on in my life and I feel the need to talk about them.
A friend posted a video by Skid Row yesterday and it got me to thinking about Rex. Rex and I dated several times throughout the early and late 90’s. He was 3 years younger than me. I think I started my “cougar” days back then. He had blonde hair and blue eyes that could pierce your soul. He was beautiful. He IS beautiful. We had reconnected for a short period of time in 1998 before he moved out of Las Vegas with his mom and stepdad.
In the summer of 1999, June 27 to be exact, I got the call that he had passed away at the age of 26. Apparently he had a thyroid condition that went undiagnosed, causing him to have a heart attack. Shortly after his death, his mother and stepdad moved back to Las Vegas.
In the summer of 2005, June 27 to be exact, I got the call that my BFF Todd had passed away at the age of 39 from a massive heart attack. He had been having health issues and had recently been diagnosed with an enlarged heart.
In October of 2007, I moved to Louisville, KY and found out shortly thereafter that Rex is buried here. Ummm, wow. I vaguely remember knowing or having knowledge that he was living in Kentucky. However, when I found out he was buried here I cried. Of course. Who wouldn’t?
So, in anticipation of the anniversary of Rex and Todd’s deaths, I will be visiting Rex once a week until June 27th. On June 27th, I will visit the cemetery and take some flowers to place next to his headstone and say a prayer for both him and Todd. Two men who I hold close in my heart and know that they are with me always.
I am so very grateful Rex and I had reconnected and became good friends again before he passed. I don’t think it could have been any better than that. We were very close several times throughout our young adulthood and he is precious to me.
Not only is it freaky that he died the same day of the same month as Todd, but I now live in the city he is buried. Very strange. I have no answers to this strangeness, I just know that it makes me feel connected to him and I guess that’s all that matters.
Until next time…
Finding the positive
On any given day, I’m the one at work that looks for the positive. I’ve learned over the years that when I focus so much energy on the negative, that’s pretty much what will happen. I try to encourage people and give them something more positive to focus on. Some days, it’s not so easy to do that.
So many of us have so much on our plates, we all lose sight of positive energy and focus. We all, at some point, list everything horrible that’s ever been done to us or that we’ve gone through. Just waiting on the other shoe to drop. How many times have we all said that? Hope for the best, but prepare for the worst. Why not hope for the best AND hope for the courage and strength in case the worst does happen? How often does that “worst” happen anyway? In the big scheme of things, especially for ME, not all that often.
However, when all I focus on is the worst, that is all I will see. Moments like that is when I tend to focus on every single thing ever done to me, every single character defect, every single horrible action I’ve ever done or horrible word I’ve ever said about or to other people.
In hoping for the best and in praying for the courage and strength to get me through the worst, I’ve found out quite a bit about myself since October. I’m resilient. I may fall and I may make mistakes, but I get right back up, fuss about it for a bit, and then move forward with a solution. I might fuss quite awhile until I figure out that solution, but I find it.
When I start having negative thoughts about myself and others, I try to redirect those thoughts. Sometimes, it works. Other times, it doesn’t (HA!)
There is a current situation going on at work and I’ve been chewing on how it’s been handled by the people it’s happening too. Would I do anything different? Would my attitude be different? Would I be taking more actions instead of sitting on my pity pot? Would I be taking the steps to protect myself and doing the foot work to make sure my future is secure? I’d like to think I would handle it differently. But in the big scheme of things, I don’t really know how I would respond to the situation, were it happening to me.
I went to the doctor again the other day. Apparently, my shoulder got better (went two days with NO pain whatsoever) decided to throw me for a loop and I now have “winged scapula” which is caused by the long thoracic nerve being pinched or damaged. My regular doctor does NOT believe it was workout related, but she is sending me to a specialist to find out the extent of the damage to the nerve and to get me into physical therapy to fix the shoulder blade.
It hurts to lay flat on my back, the shoulder blade protrudes a little bit. When I move my arm forward, the shoulder blade protrudes a lot. The top of my shoulder, into the curve of my neck and then down my side under my arm get achy and uncomfortable a lot. I am taking Naproxen for it currently, which is what the doctor gave me. I’m hoping when I see the specialist June 1st, we can avoid anything painful in ways of fixing this! I’ve done some research on the condition and it can be quite debilitating, taking six to 24 months to heal properly. HOLY SHIT! 2 years of this? I hope this specialist is a freaking rock star in the shoulder stuff and it only takes six months!
My doctor did say that I did well with the home treatment I gave the shoulder for six weeks. She said that will come in very handy in the recovery process. We’ll see!
Until next time…