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Archive for June, 2011

Thursday – June 30 Day 122

I got back into town yesterday afternoon and after unpacking a bit, I sent The Trainer a text, asking if he would be able to make up a workout for me to do after work today.  He said sure and then I plum forgot!  Until my cell phone beeped at me at about 8pm last night and I looked at the text message.  o.O  

5 stair runs
50 squats
50 sit ups
4 rounds
Seriously.  I told him I’d probably be cussing him after I finished it.  If I could finish it!  
I did 3 full rounds and 3 stair runs into the 4th round, I puked.  Literally.  At the top of the stairs of the 3rd run, I realized what was going to happen so I went running into the bathroom upstairs.  Not pretty.  No bueno.
I collected myself and went back to the basement to get my stuff.  After I did that, I went back up to my office and got my belongings.  I sent a text to him and said “On one hand – I think you suck.  On the other hand, thank you for reminding why I want to quit smoking (again).”
It is seriously time for me to set another quit date and stick to it this time.  Can’t tell you how many quit dates I’ve come up with and I’ve always found an excuse.  Here we go again!

Putting the “fun” in dysfunctional

Had I ever doubted the dysfunction of my family (specifically, my dad’s side of the family), I am no longer in doubt.  At all.  There will never be a moment in my life when I wonder “what helped mold me and make me from dad’s side of the family.”  I found this out the hard way this past week.  I was in Las Vegas from Saturday night until late last night.  I finally got home at 12:30 this afternoon, after the longest travel night ever.  EVER.  I’m not going to go into all that crappy shit cause it will take up this whole post.

I learned so very much about my dad and the rest of my family.  I saw aunts, uncles and cousins I have not seen in years and years and some I had never even met.  I spent time with my aunt who lives on Crete in Greece.  She told me all about the beach right outside her doorway and the fact she can see across the bay to the other side of the island.  o.O  I would like to start a fund for my trip to Greece now.   I would love to visit her!

I saw one cousin I had not seen in years.  She and I were pretty close in age and even went to high school together, with her a few years behind me.  I wanted to cry.  I wanted to rage at her and fuss at her for what she’s done to herself.  Instead, I hid in the bathroom and texted my brother, who could not be there.  I was near tears!

I hid in the bathroom a lot during the viewing.  As I told The Trainer in one conversation, “it’s the only quiet space available.”   It was three hours of meeting and greeting family and friends of my Aunt Jane.  It was heartwarming to see so many people from GA there, supporting my aunt and I.  It was beautiful.

I think I really struggled with the fact that I was not alone for more than 20-30 minutes at a time the entire time I was there.  It was annoying.  I’m a social butterfly for the most part, but sometimes, I love my quiet time and my down time.  I didn’t get much of that.

My Aunt Jane’s body has been laid to rest and we were all given a form of closure.  Funerals are always for the surviving family and loved ones, never for the one who passed.  It was a beautiful service and I am sure it made her proud how her one remaining brother and her three sisters held themselves and each other up.  She is now resting comfortably with her husband, her mother, her two brothers and her daughter who all preceded her in death.

It was a whirlwind, emotionally charged and exhausting trip.  I’m almost looking forward to going to work tomorrow.  Almost.  I think I’m looking forward to the workout The Trainer has already sent to me more than the actual work thing.  Even though the freaking workout will most likely kick my ass since it’s been 7 days since my last workout.  Here’s hoping I don’t fall out with an asthma attack!

Until next time…

June 27

Every now and then, there’s a date on the calendar that just screams nooooooo in some way or another.  For me, that date is June 27th.  It is the anniversary of the deaths of two men who meant the world to me at a time in my life when I needed them most.  Rex died in 1999 and Todd in 2005.  June 27th is now also going to be related to the funeral of my Aunt Jane, who passed away this past Monday night.

I am flying to Las Vegas today and will be there until Tuesday night/Wednesday morning.  The ONLY reason I am able to do this is because my co-workers took up a collection and collected enough money to get me a plane ticket and a little bit of spending money.  Without them, I would not be able to go due to not being able to afford the expense.  I had no idea they were doing this all day Tuesday and then into Wednesday morning, until they called me into a Major’s office and presented me with the plane ticket, a sympathy card and some cash.  I bawled like a baby.  I cried for what seemed to be hours.

I had finally started feeling like I truly belonged where I am, but it was a slow process.  There have been days when I long for nothing more than the familiarity of Las Vegas and everything I used to know.  After this week at work, I definitely feel humbled and a part of a family and something special.  I don’t know that there are words to express my gratitude for these people, so I’m not even going to try.  All I can say is I am blessed to have become friends with a few of them and I am blessed to work with such kind, gentle and compassionate people.

It’s time to close up the computer and get ready for Miss Laci to pick me up and take me to the airport.  While I dislike the circumstances I am going home under, I am really looking forward to seeing my dad and his side of the family.  It will be a family reunion sort of thing, I think.

Until next time…

Thursday June 23 – Day 121

I started this journey 198 days ago, weight just about 195.  I now weight 174, after losing a total of 26 and then gaining a few pounds back in muscle and the lack of being able to lift weights.  I’ve lost 2 dress sizes, going from size 14 in most of my close, to a size 10 in some of my clothes.  My size 12 clothes still work and I just use a belt and hope they don’t fall off.

My goal had been to hit size 8 by the time summer started (June 21).  My shoulder injury sidelined that goal, so I’ve set a new one to just keep doing what I’m doing, working out hard with what I can do and doing exactly what the physical therapist and doctor tell me to do with the shoulder.

The Trainer was going to make something up for me, but they ended up having a run at 5 til 4pm.  So I knew, as I heard them pulling out of the firehouse, that I would be making something up myself.

100 cal on bike
75 sit ups
50 squats
100 jump ropes

Wasn’t much, but it sure kicked my ass.  I really need to set a quit date again and start trying to quit smoking again.  It kills my cardio stamina and since most of what I do is cardio related, I need to make that decision again.

I may do something here at home tomorrow, we’ll see how I’m feeling and how busy I am.  I may take Josie for a walk since it’s supposed to barely be 80 degrees.

Tuesday June 21 – Day 120

I skipped Monday, thanks to physical therapy.  I’ll also miss tomorrow’s workout.  But I’ll be back at it both Thursday and even though I’m off on Friday, I will probably do something here at home like use the elliptical and do some leg work.

Today, I asked The Trainer to send me something and this is what I go:

20 squats
20 lunges
2 stair runs
40 sit ups
5 rounds

Holy crap!  I got a full 3 rounds done before I pooped out and did have the 4th round and then quit.  I feel crappy that I quit, but glad I got some shit out of this workout.  It was much needed today.

Find the courage to be imperfect

I never need anyone to be hard on me.  I do that well enough without anyone’s help.  I will beat myself up quicker than anyone could even think about throwing some insult my way.  I’m sure a lot of you do the same.  Something is said or done in my every day life and my first emotion is shame.  Why is that?  Why did I take on the burden of someone else’s actions?  Why did I try to “own” their behavior and then feel guilt and shame for it?  I put it in past tense since I’ve been working on NOT doing that and I can’t remember the last time I did.  But I watched a self help video that was posted on Facebook today and it got me to thinking about this stuff.  I’m sure it’ll swirl around in there quite a bit longer, I’m sure.

My shoulder is pissing me off.  It’s annoying, the tape is beginning to irritate my skin and I’m tired of the constant discomfort.  I am also quite tired of not being able to lift, do push ups or even burpees.  And we all know how much I fucking hate burpees.  I’d kill to be able to do one right now, that’s for sure.  Unfortunately, I mentioned it to The Trainer yesterday too.  Hopefully, by the time I CAN do those two things, he will have forgotten how anxious I was to do them.

HBO is having a TrueBlood marathon all day today.  It just started at 10am my time, and they are playing all episodes.  It will help people catch up before the new season starts next weekend, for sure.  I’m in the middle of reading all the books, courtesy of Laci and Mama Laci, and I’m loving it.  I’m getting ready to start book 5 when I get my reading and discussion boards done for school this afternoon.

Until next time…

Day 118 (Thursday) and Friday June 17 – Day 119

I made my way downstairs to the gym yesterday and I felt like I was in a funk.  I did 300 jump ropes and 150 calories on the bike.  I was half assin it for sure.  As soon as I was done, I texted The Trainer and told him I think I need to start harassing him everyday for a workout because I am so not creative with these things and I found myself doing the same shit over and over.  Seriously can’t do much more, cause of the shoulder, but at least he throws some different things in there for me to do.

I saw him today and we were talking about my shoulder and how much I’d give to be able to do a burpee right now.  He knew it was bad if *I* am wanting to do burpees.  I also said I’d be happy with a push up or two.  But since I can’t do those things yet, I asked him to come up with something for me.

25 squats
30 lunges
50 alt v ups
2 stair runs
3 rounds

I ended up doing sit ups instead of the alt v ups.  I didn’t realize how they would stretch my shoulder outta whack and make it kinda hurt.  It felt good.  He made it clear that I can text him everyday for a workout again.  He had to clarify that cause I told him I felt like I was bugging him.  He made it clear I was not, it’s basically his life.  When he’s not working at the firehouse, he’s at one of the two gyms he works at.

I’m seriously considering looking into some physical fitness classes to become a personal trainer.  Seriously how much money is he making on the side?

Now to go enjoy my two days off before PT again Monday and then workout on Tuesday.

Physical therapy and what it’s done for me….

It has caused pain, tears and hope.  I’ve run the gamut of emotions each time I’ve been in therapy.  I just completed my sessions for this week and I’m not as sore and there is no extra discomfort in the shoulder.  The therapist told me today she consulted with the neurologist they have on contract and my injury/damage is in the long thoracic nerve (which we knew already) and it has caused damage in the serratus anterior muscle, which controls the scapula and holds it against the chest wall (hence the winging).

She also informed me that nerves heal at a rate of one millimeter per day and since the long thoracic nerve is one of the longest nerves in the body, this will take about six months for me to heal up properly and probably not even to 100% at that point.  It’s going to be a long road!  She said the winging will be the first thing that goes (thank God!) and then the rest of the nerve and muscles will begin to slowly heal themselves.

In about three weeks, after my two sessions per week, she is going to make up some home exercises for me to do daily and then I’ll be down to visiting her once every few weeks so she can make sure it’s progressing properly.

I found this link that explains it perfectly.  It goes into great detail about the different types of causes for the winging in my shoulder blade.  I tried to ignore it all unless it said “serratus anterior” lol  I can panic myself faster than anyone else can, so I try to focus on the words and phrases she used while talking to me about what is going on.

Now I’m going to go ice my shoulder and figure out why it’s so wicked cold in my apartment.  I turned the air off last night cause it had dropped to the mid 70s.  It is freezing in here!  I refuse to turn the heat on, so I’m bundled up in blankets and socks!

Until next time…

Tuesday June 14 – Day 117

I skipped posting for about a week.  I did two more workouts last week and then today was my first of this week.  I try not to work out on the days I have PT cause it seems to aggravate the shoulder even more.  I am all taped up with some sort of therapy tape, to try to stabilize the shoulder blade and keep it flat against my thoracic muscle.  It’s annoying as shit, but it also does help with the aches I get in between the PT sessions.

Today this is what I did:
3 minutes on the bike (didn’t count the calories) I did this in between each set of sit ups and squats for a total of 15 minutes on the bike.
50-40-30-20-10 of sit ups and squats

I was done in less than an hour and I got to talk to The Trainer quite a bit too.  I love P2 days because there is activity down in the gym and it makes the workout go a little (okay, a lot) faster.  I also push myself more because I feel like I’m not alone.

I’m looking for a Tabata timer for my Blackberry and can’t seem to find one.  I want to start incorporating some Tabata workouts into my daily routines and I need one of those timers.  Stupid Blackberry.  I found TONS for the iPhone or iPad, and even one for the Blackberry wannabe/rip off of the iPad.  I’ll just keep looking and if it’s a reputable website, I’ll probably snag it!

Now to go ice the shoulder and finish up a research paper for school.

Learning and growing

So much going on, so little time!  I’ve done some prioritizing, cutting back on stuff, adding more stuff that is more necessity.

The last few weeks at work have been stressful.  I am so very grateful I have this job and I am protected by the no lay off clause.  I pray for The Two who have been negatively affected by the changes the new Mayor is making.  I pray that whatever future lays ahead of them, that they find the courage and strength to make it work.  One is being forced to retire and the other one we are waiting for information on.  They had their interview this morning and we should hear something by July 1 at the latest.

For the first time since April 1st when I was rudely awakened by my shoulder being ripped away from my body, my shoulder did not ache, get sore or hurt all day.  Until about an hour ago.  Go figure!  At least it waited until the end of the day.  I have my next PT on Monday afternoon.

Short and sweet!