The Soda Stand

Archive for June, 2011

Had I ever doubted the dysfunction of my family (specifically, my dad’s side of the family), I am no longer in doubt.  At all.  There will never be a moment in my life when I wonder “what helped mold me and make me from dad’s side of the family.”  I found this out the hard way this past week.  I was in Las Vegas from Saturday night until late last night.  I finally got home at 12:30 this afternoon, after the longest travel night ever.  EVER.  I’m not going to go into all that crappy shit cause it will take up this whole post.

I learned so very much about my dad and the rest of my family.  I saw aunts, uncles and cousins I have not seen in years and years and some I had never even met.  I spent time with my aunt who lives on Crete in Greece.  She told me all about the beach right outside her doorway and the fact she can see across the bay to the other side of the island.  o.O  I would like to start a fund for my trip to Greece now.   I would love to visit her!

I saw one cousin I had not seen in years.  She and I were pretty close in age and even went to high school together, with her a few years behind me.  I wanted to cry.  I wanted to rage at her and fuss at her for what she’s done to herself.  Instead, I hid in the bathroom and texted my brother, who could not be there.  I was near tears!

I hid in the bathroom a lot during the viewing.  As I told The Trainer in one conversation, “it’s the only quiet space available.”   It was three hours of meeting and greeting family and friends of my Aunt Jane.  It was heartwarming to see so many people from GA there, supporting my aunt and I.  It was beautiful.

I think I really struggled with the fact that I was not alone for more than 20-30 minutes at a time the entire time I was there.  It was annoying.  I’m a social butterfly for the most part, but sometimes, I love my quiet time and my down time.  I didn’t get much of that.

My Aunt Jane’s body has been laid to rest and we were all given a form of closure.  Funerals are always for the surviving family and loved ones, never for the one who passed.  It was a beautiful service and I am sure it made her proud how her one remaining brother and her three sisters held themselves and each other up.  She is now resting comfortably with her husband, her mother, her two brothers and her daughter who all preceded her in death.

It was a whirlwind, emotionally charged and exhausting trip.  I’m almost looking forward to going to work tomorrow.  Almost.  I think I’m looking forward to the workout The Trainer has already sent to me more than the actual work thing.  Even though the freaking workout will most likely kick my ass since it’s been 7 days since my last workout.  Here’s hoping I don’t fall out with an asthma attack!

Until next time…

Every now and then, there’s a date on the calendar that just screams nooooooo in some way or another.  For me, that date is June 27th.  It is the anniversary of the deaths of two men who meant the world to me at a time in my life when I needed them most.  Rex died in 1999 and Todd in 2005.  June 27th is now also going to be related to the funeral of my Aunt Jane, who passed away this past Monday night.

I am flying to Las Vegas today and will be there until Tuesday night/Wednesday morning.  The ONLY reason I am able to do this is because my co-workers took up a collection and collected enough money to get me a plane ticket and a little bit of spending money.  Without them, I would not be able to go due to not being able to afford the expense.  I had no idea they were doing this all day Tuesday and then into Wednesday morning, until they called me into a Major’s office and presented me with the plane ticket, a sympathy card and some cash.  I bawled like a baby.  I cried for what seemed to be hours.

I had finally started feeling like I truly belonged where I am, but it was a slow process.  There have been days when I long for nothing more than the familiarity of Las Vegas and everything I used to know.  After this week at work, I definitely feel humbled and a part of a family and something special.  I don’t know that there are words to express my gratitude for these people, so I’m not even going to try.  All I can say is I am blessed to have become friends with a few of them and I am blessed to work with such kind, gentle and compassionate people.

It’s time to close up the computer and get ready for Miss Laci to pick me up and take me to the airport.  While I dislike the circumstances I am going home under, I am really looking forward to seeing my dad and his side of the family.  It will be a family reunion sort of thing, I think.

Until next time…

I never need anyone to be hard on me.  I do that well enough without anyone’s help.  I will beat myself up quicker than anyone could even think about throwing some insult my way.  I’m sure a lot of you do the same.  Something is said or done in my every day life and my first emotion is shame.  Why is that?  Why did I take on the burden of someone else’s actions?  Why did I try to “own” their behavior and then feel guilt and shame for it?  I put it in past tense since I’ve been working on NOT doing that and I can’t remember the last time I did.  But I watched a self help video that was posted on Facebook today and it got me to thinking about this stuff.  I’m sure it’ll swirl around in there quite a bit longer, I’m sure.

My shoulder is pissing me off.  It’s annoying, the tape is beginning to irritate my skin and I’m tired of the constant discomfort.  I am also quite tired of not being able to lift, do push ups or even burpees.  And we all know how much I fucking hate burpees.  I’d kill to be able to do one right now, that’s for sure.  Unfortunately, I mentioned it to The Trainer yesterday too.  Hopefully, by the time I CAN do those two things, he will have forgotten how anxious I was to do them.

HBO is having a TrueBlood marathon all day today.  It just started at 10am my time, and they are playing all episodes.  It will help people catch up before the new season starts next weekend, for sure.  I’m in the middle of reading all the books, courtesy of Laci and Mama Laci, and I’m loving it.  I’m getting ready to start book 5 when I get my reading and discussion boards done for school this afternoon.

Until next time…

It has caused pain, tears and hope.  I’ve run the gamut of emotions each time I’ve been in therapy.  I just completed my sessions for this week and I’m not as sore and there is no extra discomfort in the shoulder.  The therapist told me today she consulted with the neurologist they have on contract and my injury/damage is in the long thoracic nerve (which we knew already) and it has caused damage in the serratus anterior muscle, which controls the scapula and holds it against the chest wall (hence the winging).

She also informed me that nerves heal at a rate of one millimeter per day and since the long thoracic nerve is one of the longest nerves in the body, this will take about six months for me to heal up properly and probably not even to 100% at that point.  It’s going to be a long road!  She said the winging will be the first thing that goes (thank God!) and then the rest of the nerve and muscles will begin to slowly heal themselves.

In about three weeks, after my two sessions per week, she is going to make up some home exercises for me to do daily and then I’ll be down to visiting her once every few weeks so she can make sure it’s progressing properly.

I found this link that explains it perfectly.  It goes into great detail about the different types of causes for the winging in my shoulder blade.  I tried to ignore it all unless it said “serratus anterior” lol  I can panic myself faster than anyone else can, so I try to focus on the words and phrases she used while talking to me about what is going on.

Now I’m going to go ice my shoulder and figure out why it’s so wicked cold in my apartment.  I turned the air off last night cause it had dropped to the mid 70s.  It is freezing in here!  I refuse to turn the heat on, so I’m bundled up in blankets and socks!

Until next time…

So much going on, so little time!  I’ve done some prioritizing, cutting back on stuff, adding more stuff that is more necessity.

The last few weeks at work have been stressful.  I am so very grateful I have this job and I am protected by the no lay off clause.  I pray for The Two who have been negatively affected by the changes the new Mayor is making.  I pray that whatever future lays ahead of them, that they find the courage and strength to make it work.  One is being forced to retire and the other one we are waiting for information on.  They had their interview this morning and we should hear something by July 1 at the latest.

For the first time since April 1st when I was rudely awakened by my shoulder being ripped away from my body, my shoulder did not ache, get sore or hurt all day.  Until about an hour ago.  Go figure!  At least it waited until the end of the day.  I have my next PT on Monday afternoon.

Short and sweet!

I went to an orthopaedic surgeon yesterday for my shoulder.  I have “winging” scapula.  This is caused by several different things, the main thing being my shoulder blade bone has detached from my chest wall (thoracic) muscle.  Sound painful?  That’s good, cause it is.  It is 99% fixed with physical therapy, so I’m starting that on Monday.  The other 1% actually have to have surgery to reattach the scapula to the thoracic muscle.  Not something I want, so I’ll be following the therapist’s instructions to a T.  The doctor was impressed with the home care I’ve given it the last two months and doesn’t blame me for not coming to a doctor until I noticed the winging of the shoulder blade.

He has no idea how I did it.  It is unlikely that I did it from a workout, considering I had not lifted for almost two days before the first onset of pain.  He agrees with my regular doctor that I did something to it, while I was sleeping.  o.O  How awesome is that!  I can see the headlines now “41 year old woman injures herself while sleeping”

I’m still doing my daily cardio stuff and lower body stuff every other day.  I also do sit ups almost everyday.  Once the therapist teaches me the exercises, and once I run out of sessions on insurance coverage, I’ll be able to incorporate these exercises into my daily workout routine and eventually will be back to 100% – if not better than I was.

My term for school ended Tuesday.  I passed both my classes, so we are moving on to my last term for this Associate’s degree.  I’ll be done in August and then have the option of going to Chicago in August for graduation ceremonies or Florida in January.  IF (and that is a HUGE HUGE IF) I can afford it, I would rather walk in the ceremonies in January in Florida.  lol  Can ya blame me?  We’ll see.  I don’t have high hopes for being able to attend the graduation ceremonies, but that’s okay.  I’ll still get my degree and be able to move on with a Bachelor’s program, if I so choose.

Work has been super stressful.  We’ve gotten final word on one of the people and she was not offered a position, so she is opting to retire in August.  I don’t blame her really.  I would be devastated.  The other person will probably get an interview sometime this month and know after that.  We’ll see what happens.  I pray it works out for her the way she prefers it to (wherein she gets a job offer and is able to keep her job).

So You Think You Can Dance is back and I have to say I missed this show more than I thought!  Tyce Diorio is one of the judges tonight and I squee’d when he was introduced.  Love him!

Until next time…