The Soda Stand

Archive for July, 2011

I don’t know everything and I hope to never know everything.  If I did, it would be one boring world I’m living in, ya know?  I hope to always be open to change, evolution of self and finding new and exciting subjects to read/learn about.

• I am a recovering compulsive gambler and will be forever.
• I have many defects of character that I work on daily.  Some days are better than others.
• I make mistakes all the time.  I just own them and move forward most of the time.
• I am my own worst enemy.  You don’t need to point out my defects.  I do that well enough on my own and beat myself up for it.
• I am a DUI offender and spent 22 hours in jail.  I have yet to forgive myself for that.
• I don’t enjoy drinking alcohol anymore.  I had a glass of sangria last night and that was it.  It actually gave me a headache.
• I look for and reach out for help all the time.  Accepting that help is always hardest for me when I ask for it.  I don’t know why that is.
• I’ve never been anything but honest with myself and others about my addiction.  I work on remaining that way everyday.  My addiction would have me hiding and lying all the time.
• I’ve made some poor decisions in my life, it doesn’t make me a bad person.
• As I approach my 10 years without a bet, when thinking back on the last decade as if it was just yesterday and it makes me feel squirrel-y.
• I’m grateful I get to celebrate those 10 years (through the Grace of God) in the room I started GA in.
• I learned more about myself in the four days I spent with my dad and his family than I ever did in that decade without a bet.
• I’m learning to forgive myself so that I may forgive others.  Not so easy most days.

This is a bit of what I know about me.  I learn something new all the time.

Until next time…

What a crazy few weeks it’s been!  Work has been incredibly stressful with all the changes going on and people freaking out over them.  Not much work is getting done on that end of things.  I try to keep my head under the radar, do my job, get my workout in and then go home.  Some days it’s easier to do that than others.  Some days, like today, I find myself being set up for failure and it makes me cranky.  Thankfully, my chain of command has pretty much imploded and I go straight to their boss with stuff.  He understands my frustration and lets me vent when they do and say stuff out of line.

My PT is going well and my shoulder is healing up nicely.  It’s still winging, just not as bad as before, and I’m still having trouble with the neck/shoulder area getting tight/tense and locking up everything else.  My therapist massages that area and works on the range of motion for the ball and socket area of my shoulder.  She’s also started me lifting some light weights (YAY!) and I’m only going to see her once a week now.

I was watching OZ on HBOGO last week and during one of the episodes, Augustus Hill (the character who narrates most of the show) says “Life is an adventure in forgiveness.”  I found myself really thinking about those words and trying to figure out how I felt about them.  Sometimes, someone will say or do something that will get me into a reflective mood and I’ll analyze and journal and prayer until I figure it out.   Most of the time, when I do that, I realize I haven’t truly forgiven myself for something and then that will set off another session of reflection and writing in my journal.  Progress, not perfection, right?  I will keep working on my defects of character (I have many) and just keeping putting one foot in front of the other.

Until next time…