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Archive for August, 2011

Wednesday August 31 – Day 151

I half assed the workout today.  And I’m not even feeling the slightest bit guilty….

50 jump ropes
100 sit ups
75 cal on bike
4 stair runs

I’m so bored with working out when The Trainer doesn’t send me stuff.  My lack of creativity with the same shit every day is horrendous!  He at least makes it seem like we’re shaking things up, ya know?  He also kicks my ass quite well.

As you know, I’ve been struggling with laying the cigarettes down again.  I’m going to be the only one in the office the rest of this week, no smokers will be there.  I’m slapping the patch on first thing in the morning and I’m making this happen!  I’m so over the smoking thing.

Tuesday August 30 – Day 150

I found out the trainer is out of town so I refused to bug him today for a workout.  This meant that I had to push through all the distractions and make up my own stuff.  I made it up as I went and I believe I left a lung downstairs.

200 jump ropes
100 sit ups
50 cal on bike
5 stair runs

I totally expected not to kick my own ass, I try to leave that to him.  However, I kicked my butt today!

Monday August 29 – Day 149

Unfortunately for me, today was a P3 day AND the Trainer didn’t get back to me with a workout.  I had to come up with something myself at the same time as being Chatty Kathy.  I love all the guys on all three platoons, but there is a certain level of chattiness that comes with each different platoon.  P3 is the chattiest of the three.  My motivation goes out the window when people engage me in conversation while I’m trying to kick my own ass with a workout.

100 cal on bike
100 squats
100 sit ups
3 stair runs
50 cal on bike

I feel good about it.  I just had no idea what to do when, etc.  I’ve been doing this so long, I have a regular “go to” set of things I can do.  Hopefully he remembers to get back to me tomorrow.

Friday August 26 – Day 148

TGIF!

20 squats
20 sit ups
5 stair runs
5 rounds – fast


Whenever he puts “fast” or “as fast as possible” I try to remember to time my entire workout.  I don’t time each round individually, unless he tells me to do so.

I timed myself and completed this in 26:49.  YAY!  But I also left a lung in the basement, I’m sure.  A total of 25 stair runs definitely killed my lungs.  Seriously.  Who does that?  lol  Obviously, I do!

After the workout, I went to the PT place and picked up a half foam roller my therapist ordered for me.  It will let me do some of the home exercises and stretches she’s assigned me to do daily.  I was using a rolled up towel, but it’s too squishy and not giving my spine and shoulder blade the support they need.

Have a great weekend!

Thursday August 25 – Day 147

Today’s workout brought to you by….OMG does he read this blog? lol

I sent The Trainer a text and asked for a workout.  He sent me one, but it wasn’t what I was expecting!  He asked me how I was feeling (after yesterday’s lung cleanser) and I told him I was a little sore, but not bad.

400 cal on bike
And to “take it easy and recover today”

o_O  Did I NOT just talk about how much I struggle on that f*cking bike and that I’d need to push myself more on it?  Essentially, he kick started my plan to up the bike stuff.  But I would like to know how that sh*t is “recovering.”  Really, I would.

Wednesday August 24 – Day 146

After not fussing at the Trainer for forgetting me on Monday, that MFer actually texted me first thing Tuesday morning with a horrendous workout.  Luckily (or not) I had PT, so I had to save it for today.  It gave me 24 hours to chew on this and dread it and freak out over it.

10 stair runs
300 calories on bike
200 sit ups
100 squats
50 lunges

I have no words.  Other than I thought I was going to die (not literally, being sarcastic).  It was horrendous.  I did not completely do this 100%.  I did the 10 stair runs fine, the bike kicked my ass and I got half that in.  Everything else I did everything.  So really, the only thing I did not Rx is the bike.

I really struggle on the bike, so this tells me I need to do it more.  This tells me I need to focus on that area of weakness and get better at it.  Just like I did with the stairs when I first started this.  I thought I’d die with all those stair runs he gives me, but I just kept pushing and pushing.  Now, I can run the stairs 4 times in a row without having to stop and catch my breath.  I need to push myself on the bike some more.  Definitely.

Now I’m going to relax before going back out to the union meeting.

Monday August 22 – Day 145

I didn’t hear from The Trainer today.  He’s on vacation for the next week, but told me I could still text for workouts.  I only did not fuss at him for forgetting to send me something because it’s his birthday.  I felt forgiving.

200 jump ropes
150 cal on bike
5 stair runs

Wasn’t much, but it was enough to make me sweat and cough up half a lung.  I’ll miss tomorrow cause I have PT, but I hope he remembers me Wednesday so that I cough up a whole lung.  (if you sensed sarcasm there, you’re on the right track).

I am your disease….

Having no money leaves my days wide open to read, clean, watch TV, listen to music, etc.  I’ve spent the day reading the 2nd book of the A Song of Ice and Fire series, A Clash of Kings.  I can’t wait for season two of this show on HBO in the spring.

I’ve washed every sheet and towel I own.  I washed every piece of clothing that was out in the open in my bedroom.   I’ve vacuumed, dusted and rearranged the bedroom furniture (majority of which was done last night before bed).

I’ve read a lot of GA and addiction literature, as well.  I found this one that I want to share with you.  There is no author listed, but I found it in GA.

I’m Your Disease

I hate meetings.

I hate a Higher Power.

I hate anyone who has a program.

To all who come in contact with me, I wish you suffering and I wish you death.

Allow me to introduce myself, I am the disease of addiction.  CUNNING, BAFFLING and POWERFUL, that’s me.

I have killed millions and I am pleased with myself.

I love to catch you with the element of surprise.  I love pretending I am your friend and lover.  I have given you comfort, have I not?  Wasn’t I there when you were lonely?  When you wanted to die, didn’t you call me?  I was there.

I love to make you hurt.  I love to make you cry.  Better yet, I love to make you so numb you can neither hurt or cry.  When you can’t feel anything at all, this is true glory.

I will give you instant gratification and all I ask of you is long term suffering.  I’ve been there for you always.  When things were going right in your life, you invited me.  You said you didn’t deserve these good things, and I was the ONLY ONE who would agree with you.  Together, we were able to DESTROY ALL THINGS GOOD in your life.

People don’t take me seriously.  They take strokes seriously, heart attacks seriously, even diabetes they take seriously.  Fools that they are, they don’t know that without my help, many of these things would not be made possible.

I am such a hated disease, and yet I do not come uninvited.

YOU CHOOSE TO HAVE ME.  So many have chosen me over reality and peace.

More than you hate me, I hate all of you who have a Twelve Step Program.  Your program, your meetings, your Higher Power, all weaken me and I can’t function in the manner I am accustomed to.

Now I must lie here quietly.  You don’t see me, but I am growing bigger than ever.  When you only exist, I may live.  When you live, I only exist.  But I am here…and until we meet again, if we meet again, I WISH YOU SUFFERING AND DEATH.

How powerful that is.  My disease sits inside of me, waiting for me to have a weak moment.  Waiting for me to feel sorry for myself.  It sits and watches every move I make, every thought I have.  It looks for that loop hole that will cause me to go back into my addictive behavior.  I stopped drinking on July 16th, 2011.  I stopped gambling July 30, 2001.  I have the disease of addiction.  Not only am I an addict, but I am the adult child of an alcoholic – an active one.  I have no room for error when it comes to my recovery.

I need to stay diligent and aware of my own behavior and actions.  I cannot become complacent with my recovery again.  Ever.

It’s only through the Grace of God I am here today.  It is only through the gifts I’m given that I live and survive.  I have problems, I have a lot of problems.  Some of my problems are of my own doing and consequences of actions I’ve taken before.  Some of them are not within my control and I had to adjust and adapt to those problems.  I may have a shit ton of problems that I have no idea how I’m going to fix, but I don’t have to gamble OR drink because of those problems.

Until next time…

Friday August 19 – Day 144

Now, before we all freak out over this workout and ask what I did to piss him off, I asked for it.  I asked for a cardio heavy workout to help me remember why I’m trying so hard to quit smoking….

5 stair runs
100 cal on bike
5 stair runs
100 cal on bike
5 stair runs
I had to relearn how to breathe, but I did it all.  I’m still slowly recovering and feeling very tired, but I did it all.  I DID IT ALL!  I usually end up scaling shit like this down to about 75% of what he gives me.  I didn’t feel the need to do that today.  

Thursday – August 18 – Day 143

I didn’t hear from The Trainer yesterday, so I was feeling a little petulant today (not just cause of that lol).  I didn’t text him for a workout and I just did a repeat of the workout he gave me a week ago.

100 sit ups
5 stair runs
100 Russian twists
5 stair runs
100 squats
5 stair runs

I actually ended up doing 3 stair runs the last two times I did the stairs.  It was hard on me, but not like last week and I timed last week, so I timed today and I didn’t do too bad, comparatively speaking.

I am so bored with working out, even on days I get my butt kicked.  I am ready for my shoulder to heal all the way and I can start lifting and doing other stuff.  Like push ups and burpees.  *sigh*