Archive for January, 2012
Well hey there!
Life has certainly gotten in the way of posting on this blog. I still post somewhere else everyday, but I find I lack the time or lack the enthusiasm to find the time, to post here. I’d say I’m going to work on that, but really? I’d probably be lying.
I went to a GA meeting recently and I had a bit of an epiphany while I was sharing about some crazy shit in my head. This epiphany has led me down a road of self discovery, yet again. Since I’m not stranger to change, I’m not afraid of making changes. I’m also not afraid to look in my mirror and see what needs improving. I’m not saying I do it perfectly or even as often as I should or could, but I do take my own inventory everyday.
During this epiphany, I started to cry and almost started to beat myself up for not noticing sooner the pattern. I mean, I’ve always seen a pattern in a certain area of my life (shit, in MANY areas of my life), yet for some reason this time, something clicked. Something clicked so loudly in my head I realized how grateful I am for the fact I had this epiphany. The changes I’m working on making are all inside of me. While normally I would think they will be difficult, I’ve actually already started making these changes. Before I even realized why I was making those changes.
I went to lunch with a friend at work today and we were discussing some of this epiphany and some of the changes I had already been making before having it. We discussed things and she brought a new perspective for me. I’m glad I have people like her in my life. There are very few people I feel 100% comfortable talking about this stuff with and she is definitely one of them.
Sometimes I wonder if I will ever be truly healed from past relationships, past things I’ve done to myself, things done to me, etc. etc. And then I stop that line of thinking and decide that I can choose healing. I can choose to actually leave that part of my past where it belongs. In the past, history, a part of who I am but not who I am today. I’ve been a work in progress for 42 years. Everything I’ve ever done or have been through was a part of the journey to become who I am and who I am becoming.
“I can be changed by what happens to me, but I refuse to be reduced by it.” I’ve been changed by things that have happened to me. I’ve even been reduced by them in the past. Today, not so much. I refuse to be reduced by anything or anyone. I know my worth. I know what I deserve. And for me, that’s all that matters.
Until next time…