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Archive for July, 2012

Tuesday July 31st

What he gave me:

3 stair runs (yuck!)
25 sit ups
30 Russian twists
5 rounds
and then:
5 minutes (each) plank holds – regular, on left, on right

What I actually did:
2 stair runs
25 sit ups
30 Russian twists
5 rounds
and then:
2:30 min of regular plank holds

Screw him and those plank holds. I need to push myself on them but I can’t seem to get past that 2:30 mark. Maybe I’ll practice them here at home. We’ll see.

Monday July 30

10 box jumps (20″ box)
10 push ups (as many as possible regular, not with knees on floor)
20 lunges (static or walking)
20 minute AMRAP
7 full rounds + 10 box jumps & 2 push ups

I did the first round of push ups all normal. I gave up on even trying for regular push ups after the 5th round, so I think I did about 18 total regular push ups! Exciting for me!

11 years ago today….

11 years ago today, I made a very poor choice, which ended up with me making the best decision of my life. I had made an appointment with a bankruptcy attorney the prior week and new the money I had in my bank account was for that consultation. That Sunday evening, I went out to the Sun Coast casino in Las Vegas and proceeded to lose every penny I had in my checking account. I gambled for hours on end. On my way home, several hours later, I was beside myself. I was angry and despondent. For one split second in time, I considered driving my car into the median on the Summerlin Parkway. This thought resulted in me becoming so angry, I thought “fuck that. I am not going down like this. I will not let this define who I am and how my life is lived.”

When I got home, I went to straight to bed and cried myself to sleep, trying to figure out what to do and how to get that money back. While I was at work the next day (Monday the 30th), I talked to a co-worker who was also a very good friend, a wonderful woman and what I considered my spiritual adviser at the time. After speaking to her, I called a family member (my dad’s sister) who was in Gambler’s Anonymous. I told her I needed help and I didn’t know who else to turn to. She told me to pick her up after work and she would go to a meeting with me.

I was scared and felt so lost and alone. I picked her up and we went to the Unity Club in Commercial Center. The moment I walked into that room, I knew I belonged there. I knew I would no longer have to fight this alone. I was people who were just like me. People who had made some poor choices and were here rebuilding themselves and their lives. This is where I WANTED to be. This is where I NEEDED to be.

11 years later, I look back and see all the changes I’ve made, all the progress I’ve made and all the pain I’ve endured to get here. They don’t call them growing pains for nothing! Each evolution I’ve gone through has included some pain emotionally or physically. I met my platonic soul mate in this program and I also lost that same platonic soul mate (Todd). I’ve met some of the best friends I’ve ever had in my life. Not one person in this program does NOT understand me and the way I think. The crazy thoughts that go through my head (even 11 years later), they get it. They get me. They understand me. They accept me, warts and all.

Today, I feel blessed. I feel honored and blessed that I’ve been able to share the last 11 years of my life with people who know who I am at the core and love and accept me anyway.

Thank you to every member of Gambler’s Anonymous who came before me and showed me the way to a better way of life, a healthier perspective, and a place to dump my toxic waste I tend to pile and collect inside.

My name is Kathy, I am a compulsive gambler. It’s only through the Grace of God that I am here today and I am VERY grateful to be here.

Thursday July 26

It’s taken me awhile to get this post together, because my right index finger has been giving me fits and it’s difficult to type.

15 db dead lift (40#)
15 push ups
15 box jumps (20″ box)
5 rounds – fast

24:03

When I was done with the workout and I remembered how to breathe, I was putting the 40# dumbbells away, carrying them both back to the metal rack. As I swung them up to put them on there, the one in my right decided to be uncooperative and I ended up smashing my right index finger between the 40# db and the metal of the rack. I squealed and tears immediately came to my eyes.

Currently, the finger is a little swollen, but a little number at the tip and very sore at both knuckles. I’m hoping it’s not to bad in the morning. It’s a blessing to work with firefighters who also have medical training and are either EMT certified or paramedics. Two of them assured me it wasn’t broken, but said it would be sore and I probably bruised it down to the bone. Yay me!

Tomorrow will be a 2nd rest day for the week.

Wednesday July 25

Today was a “chipper” type of workout. You “chip” away at each exercise until you’re done.

2 stair runs
50 squats
2 stair runs
50 push press (20# db)
2 stair runs
50 kettlebell deadlifts
2 stair runs
50 lunges
2 stair runs

And then a total 3 minute plank holds.

Fun times right there. (did you hear my eyes rolling back into my head when I said that?)

Shut the front door!

I skipped my workout today. The Trainer never got back to me and I just didn’t feel like making something up myself. So I came home and am now trying to catch up on my DVR’d shows (True Blood, The Newsroom, Common Law, Big Brother). Dang. I have a lot of shows on my DVR! Those are only four of them that I watch regularly.

I’ve had Todd on my mind a lot today and this always seems to open up everything in my life that brings about strong emotions for me. I have a hard time pushing through some of them and every now and then, it takes a day or two for me to do it. I have financial things, romance things and work things all running through my head at a million miles a second. It’s driving me batshit crazy, to be honest.

There are, apparently, some really “major changes” coming up at work in the next week or two and yet, someone finds it important to tell me that, but not tell me the details. This? Drives my curiosity through the roof and back a hundred times over. I start creating scenarios in my head. I’ve been able to eliminate a few of those scenarios by telling this person and he lets me know if I’m wrong or not. I’m hoping to come up with enough scenarios in my head that I’ll guess what’s going to happen before it happens. Just need to keep him engaged in the guessing game!

My finances are slowly getting better. I’m hoping the progress I’m making is not stymied by some unforeseen emergency (car break down, medical mishap, etc) before I can get back on my feet again. It’s been a long, hard road, but I’ve made sacrifices and I’ve cut back in a lot of areas. I could probably do more, but I find I’m not quite willing to make myself that miserable. I know what amount of money I make and I know what my bills are. Once I’m caught up 100%, I know I’ll be okay (barring the rainy day need for now). This area of my life may improve markedly soon as well with me booking a few parties for the end of this month and the middle of next, so I will make some cash then.

I won’t post about my romantic life here. For some reason, I just want to keep that to myself. It’s mine. I don’t feel like opening that part of me up for the world to see. If something substantial comes along, I may change my mind with that. But right now, I’ll keep it close.

I’m losing my motivation to workout everyday. I used to make up a workout for myself when I never heard from him. The last few weeks, I have found that I just keep skipping if he doesn’t get back to me by 3:45 p.m. Usually, if I haven’t heard from him by then, I won’t hear from him. Good thing I don’t pay him, otherwise I’d be asking for my money back on the days he forgets!

Until next time…

Monday July 23

Okay, I’m stopping the day count. It’s annoying me today.

I didn’t sleep well last night, with today being payroll Monday and waking up at the ass crack of dawn and then I had to crunch numbers all day (duh! payroll!) and then this workout he gave me, I’m pooped. I’m worn out. I’m done. Put a fork in me. I’ll be in bed VERY early tonight

1 stair run
10 db clean & jerks (15# or 20#)
15 push ups
30 sit ups
5 rounds

First of all, Crossfit has some of the stupidest names for their exercises. Actually, I think they get a lot of them from Olympic Weightlifting, so I can’t blame CF totally. But really. Clean and jerk? It’s about as bad as the dumbbell snatch! Since I think the name of the exercise is so stupid, it took me a round or two to get those clean and jerks down. I feel stupid doing them. However, I Rx’d the workout so I feel good about that.

Thursday July 19 – Day 321

My entire body was aching something fierce from the last two days of workouts. This fact seemed to please The Trainer. Evil, sadistic SOB!

50 calories on bike before and after this:

3 rounds
30 lunges
20 push ups
30 sit ups

Took me 14:32 to finish the 3 rounds and I don’t time my stuff on the bike unless it’s a part of an AMRAP workout. But I started and finished on the bike within 30 minutes of entering the gym so I think I could safely add 12 minutes to the time. The other amount of time, I was chatting with The Trainer

Wednesday July 18 – Day 320

My legs and arms got really sore as the day wore on. I had a feeling they would from that POS he gave me yesterday.

Today, he wasn’t much nicer.

10 calories on bike
1 stair run
10 deadlifts w/70# kettlebell
5 thrusters (20# dumbbell)
15 minute AMRAP

and then:
3 minute plank hold – regular
3 minute plank hold – right side
3 minute plank hold – left side

I told him he was smoking crack, but I’d do my best. I did 4 full rounds plus 10 cal and 1 stair run for the AMRAP. As for the planks, I did the full 3 minutes on the regular (with a few seconds here and there with my knees on the ground in a “modified” plank) and the other two I did a minute 30 seconds on each. My shoulders did not like those side planks.

My sunburn still burns and stings right now and that makes me cranky! Hoping it stops soon!

Tuesday July 17, Day 319

What happens when your trainer gets fussy with you? Well, I will tell you what he does. He gives you shit like this:

25 calories on bike
100 ring rows
200 push ups
300 squats
25 calories on bike
Break up 100/200/300 however you want.

It took me 48 freaking minutes to finish this POS workout, but I did them all and my arms do not have a wet noodle feeling this morning. My legs, however, are shaky from all the squats.

I had made fun of him last week for getting sunburned and not using sunscreen. Had he waited a minute, he would have seen that karma got me back by giving me a splotchy sunburn all over my body and he didn’t need to kick my ass this way. Karma did that for him. *sigh*