I was on a break from work yesterday when I opened up Facebook on my phone and got one of the biggest shocks of my life. Someone I had once considered a great friend had passed away at the age of 40. It was unexpected from what I’ve gathered. Many years ago, we had a falling out. We were both mean and it was ugly. I remember the details, but I won’t go into them here. I’m just going to say that I held a grudge for a few years. Somewhere along the way, I forgave her for her part in it and hoped that she forgave me. Over the last year or so, I would think about reaching out to her to mend fences and then I’d just chicken out. I didn’t know how it would be received and I just didn’t want to face rejection, if that’s where it would end up.
It was a clusterfuck of misunderstandings that led to our fall out. I don’t know exactly when that fall out started, but I know where it ended and it never sat well with me. My feelings were hurt and I got angry. My anger and resentments have always been fear or pain based. And until I worked on that part of myself, I felt anger and resentment towards her.
At one point in time, we were as close as two people could be. We had so much fun together. We helped each other, we challenged each other to be better women. She also flew all the way to Vegas to drive cross country with me when I moved here to Louisville. How many friends do that? She was a very large part of why I moved to this region. She was just a few short hours away in Indy, so I knew we could spend weekends together whenever we wanted to or had time.
And now she’s gone. I’ve talked to her, I’ve let her know I love her and forgive her and hoped that before she left this world, she forgave me for my part.
I am sad. I am heartbroken for her husband, best friend and family. She was so young and so full of life. Rest in Peace, my old friend. Until we see each other again. xoxo