After my last post, I started reaching out. I’ve contacted my work EAP and have my first counseling/therapy session on Monday after work. The therapist answered her own phone and I got a great vibe from her after just a 1o minute conversation, I’m actually looking forward to it. I’ve also started a 9 week program online through the same EAP for my anxiety. It’s a Cognitive Behavior Therapy thing and I think it’ll really help.
I’ve rejoined a gym. I did cancel my membership at Crossfit the Ville per my doctor’s orders and I’ve gone back to the chain gym type. I joined Planet Fitness for $10 a month. I have 24/7 unlimited access to the equipment. Their cardio area is to die for as far as I’m concerned. They have treadmills (I can’t use those – too high impact); ellipticals, Arc machines and rowing machines. The rowing machines and Arc machines will be my best friends when I go. I tried the Arc machine and loved it, so I can see myself using that quite often. If I were to upgrade to the $19.95 a month membership, I’d have unlimited tanning each month (once a day) and unlimited use of their hydro-massage tables.
Did you know that working out is the least used anti-depressant there is and in order to save my feet, I had to go with the lower impact stuff. I’m looking forward to getting back at it as much as my feet will let me without trying to push myself to the brink of death, as I did with Crossfit. Don’t get me wrong. I love Crossfit. I mean, insanely love Crossfit. I’m hoping I can work my way back to the Crossfit box once my doctor and I get my feet under control.
I also got a new dog. This was a spur of the moment decision and I ended up getting him for free. A friend had to re-home her 5 year old Havanese because he got aggressive with their son. She posted on Facebook about it and I told her that if Zeevah got along with him, I’d take great care of him and spoil him rotten. I took her over there Tuesday evening after work so they could have a “play date” and they got along very well. I can’t blame her for doing it, but I know how heartbroken she was. So I’ve added a new four legged friend to my routine and I just adore him. He is so stinking cute, I can hardly stand it most days. The girls are getting along with him very well. Zeevah has a new play mate and Josie loves it because now Zeevah doesn’t aggravate her as much as she used too. It was a good decision and he’s turning into a great addition to the family.
So while I’m working through this depression and anxiety, I’m finding myself not having to force as much as I was. For months, I was forcing myself to act “normal.” I was forcing myself to pretend everything was okay and nothing was wrong with me, all the while isolating myself, not doing things that I enjoyed (except play WoW and shop). Now that I’m done pretending and I’m taking proactive steps to fix it and recover, I’m feeling slightly better. The road to recovery will be ongoing and possible a lifetime of work. And I’m okay with that.
Here is my Motley Crew now (from left: Josie, 15 year old Yorkie; Zeevah, not quite 2 year old black lab/GSD mix; and Beck, 5 year old pure bred Havanese)