The Soda Stand

Archive for the ‘life’ Category

Well hey there!  I feel like I haven’t blogged here in weeks.  Oh wait.  I haven’t!  I decided to pop on over here and update everyone on my life.  Because I know you’ve been waiting on this.

I hope this finds you all doing well and enjoying your life and being happy.  Life is way too short to be anything but happy in my opinion.  We get shit thrown at us from all sides and it’s up to us how we deal with all that.  I slip and fall, but I get right back up and keep plodding forward.  It’s the only thing we can do, right?  I mean, the other option is not acceptable, so I just keep putting one foot in front of the other and remind myself to breathe every now and then.  When I get super stressed or upset, I tend to forget to take a breath and I like to remind myself  to breathe.

Life is quite interesting right now, lots of things going on.  Some good, some bad, and some great.  My shoulder is healing up quite nicely and instead of having the shoulder blade sitting an inch and a half away from my spine in resting position, it is now a quarter of an inch away at resting position.  This is good!  I’m also able to do one arm bent rows with 5 pounds, so it’s a start to get me back to lifting like I want to lift.   I am still working out almost every day Monday through Friday.  I rarely miss a day.  And when I do it’s because of a doctor’s or physical therapy appointment.

Things at work are quite strange now.  One person left and the other is staying due to them creating a position and deleting another position for her.  I can deal with this one so I’m not super upset anymore.  When it first happened, I was upset and then I started looking for the positives and I have found them.  I’m good with this.

Financially, I’m still struggling.  But I’m trying and I’m improving at it.  I’m cutting back some more, not over spending and doing what I need to do to fix all the shit I’ve created.  It’s stressful and overwhelming some days, but I just keep breathing and keep moving forward.  I’ll get there.  I have faith that I will be okay and that my Higher Power will guide me in all of this.

I’m also done with school.  I now am a college graduate.  I won’t be traveling to walk in the ceremony in January but I know have an Associate’s in Applied Science degree in Public Administration.   I’m still debating on whether to go back for my Bachelors or just leave it at the AAS.  I don’t know how I feel about going back into school for another 2 years or however long.

I’m sitting here enjoying my hazelnut coffee and watching the VH-1 top 20 countdown.  I love music videos.  Then again, I just love music.  The guys at work, however, do not like the music I listen to when I’m working out.  They think it’s too angry and mean.  I listen to Godsmack, Disturbed, Eminem, Chevelle and Three Days Grace type music when I work out.  I want something fast and furious to motivate me to move fast to finish those brutal workouts he gives me.  Oh well, can’t please everyone can we?

Take care of you!

Until next time…

I think I’m quite insane and I’m okay with that.  The Southeastern Association of Fire Chiefs is having it’s annual conference here in our fair city.  I’ve volunteered to work some of it.  Yesterday, I worked 11am to 4:30pm at the convention center, working the transportation and registration desk.  Took me about half an hour to find a ride to the office to get my car.  Today, I’m working my regular shift (8am to 4pm) and then volunteering 4pm to 8pm.

I’ll be at the transportation desk until 4pm and then the hospitality room after that until 8pm.  OY!  I’m taking a change of shoes and some extra deodorant and perfume with me cause I’m sure by the end of the 8 hours in the transportation area, I’ll be ready to refresh myself!  I’m also working tomorrow night 7 or 8pm until 11:30pm.  I need to find out for sure today what time they need me tomorrow.  It all gets me outta the apartment and away from being a couch potato!

It’s been great people watching so far and I’m sure today will be no different!  I’m also sure today will be much busier than yesterday was.  Today is the actual first day of the convention and so we’ll have more people rolling in with registrations and what not.  So far, the people I’ve worked with and met down there have been really nice.

This detailed assignment also takes me away from the office and away from payroll stuff today.  I’m not crying over that.  Trust me!  Anytime I can get outta payroll stuff, I jump at the chance!

Hope ya’ll have a great day!

Until next time…

Every now and then, I sit and think about who I used to be, who I am now and who I want to be in the future.  Am I coming along on my chosen path of self discovery and making each goal I set?  Am I backtracking?  Am I moving forward too fast?

I can sit and answer these questions with honesty and openness today and say that I am happier today right now then I have been in almost a year.  I am more comfortable in my own skin again and I’m having fun.  FUN.  Who knew I could actually do that while working two jobs and being a full time college student?

Work has been going well.  I don’t want to jinx it and get into details, but I’m going to say I feel more comfortable at work than I have in awhile.  School is going halfway decent, even though I’m struggling in my government class (and thankfully I’m not the only one, so I’ve created a study group with some of the other girls in class).

My love life is the most confusing and probably the one thing that could be a setback in my path I’m on.  Since the discovery of my blog a few weeks ago, I’m not even going to go into details here and just say that there are three men confusing the shit outta me right now (actually only two of them confuse me cause there are emotions involved and we know how I get when that happens.)  But the situations with those two are pretty cut and dried for me because of their relationship status and the third is just well…a fling to try to keep my mind off the other two.

I canceled my trip to Milwaukee this month.  I was going to go there on the 18th through the 20th for the M4 gathering of bloggers.  I might go see my family instead on that weekend.  I have a personal day I need to burn, so I could just do that.  I’ll have to get an oil change on the Jetta before that happens though cause I wouldn’t want to get stuck somewhere between here and there, ya know?

Until next time…

There will be some changes coming to this blog.  There is going to be a new url and I will make sure that ya’ll get it.  Send me a message here, on Twitter or FB and let me know if you want it and I will make sure you get it.

Something happened last night that makes me feel not so “safe” in my posting over here anymore.  While I’m not all that upset about who actually found it or the information they can gather from it, but I am upset and worried about who MIGHT find it and read it.

I found out last night that several of my co-workers know about this blog.  Only one person at work has ever been told about this place and she and I are close enough friends that I know she wouldn’t spill the beans.  So I’m trying to figure out how the other found out about it because I have not shared how to find this place, the name of this place or the url of this place when I’ve been in the office.

I’m thinking that when I first started adding friends on FB, I didn’t remove the blog post linking thing fast enough and someone knew about it from that.  I know that I used to have it set where all my blog posts linked over there.  I’ve checked my profile there to make sure this blog is not listed anywhere and I don’t see it, but if you could take a few seconds and then shoot me an email I’d appreciate it.  I’m not 100% sure and in all honesty, I don’t care how they found out.  I just know that they did and I need to make sure others at work do not.  This is my safe haven and I refuse to let them spoil it.  So instead of getting rid of it, I will just be moving it.  My safe haven will have a new addy.

I never thought FEAR of discovery would cause me to want to change the URL of this place.  I wonder if my previous post from last week was a precursor for how I was really feeling and how things would go?  The feelings about being discovered here have surfaced and are not pretty.

I’ll let 95% of you know where I land!

Until next time…

So much stuff has happened since I last blogged.  I’ve been planning for the last several weeks to spend some time with some Vegas GA people, which would in turn make it so I hung out with some Louisville GA people too.  Oh and I can’t forget my Indy crew either.  The 2010 Spring Conference was here in the Ville over the weekend.  It’s one of two national conferences this year.  The next one is in Tampa at the end of October.  If I had not already planned a 2 week vacation out to Vegas in October, I’d probably be going to Tampa. This post is discombobulated in my head, so it will probably come out like I’m rambling.  And I’m okay with that, I hope you are too.

Several of my friends from Vegas were planning on being here, since they are trustees for the area in Vegas.  Thursday I met a few of them downtown at the Galt House for dinner and cocktails.  I got home around 9pm after a wonderful time of catching up, laughing and seeing people I haven’t seen in years.  Friday, I ended up going to the doctor and with the rest of the day off work because of my hand (huge long story…thought it was broken, it’s not, but it still hurts!)  At around 630 or so, I headed back downtown to have dinner and cocktails again with the entire Vegas crew.  It was so incredibly fun, I can’t even begin to explain.  After the dinner and entertainment for the conference, we went dancing at 4th Street Live and I got home around 2am.

Yesterday, I slept in as much as my body would let me and then went shopping for a dress *gasp* for the banquet dinner.  This time, I took an overnight bag so I could stay over and see them off in the morning.  We enjoyed the dinner and then headed down to 4th Street Live AGAIN to a place called Saddle Ridge.  It has a mechanical bull and a pole to dance on.  Yes…there is a picture of me on FB dancing on the pole.  Pfft.

I think I finally fell asleep around 2am again last night and we woke up at 7am to hit the closing ceremonies and have breakfast with everyone before they all headed out to do their own thing or go home.  I took my friend J to the airport this morning and then headed home to start laundry, play a little WoW and do homework for the rest of the day.  I’ll be quite busy with the school stuff today and tomorrow after work.  I put it all aside for this weekend and it was worth the stress I’ll be feeling tomorrow while trying to hammer it all out.

I can not begin to explain how I felt this entire weekend.  It was soothing to me to have these women that I’ve known for the better part of a decade in my ‘hood.  They’ve seen me at some really low points in my life (when I first went into the program and when Todd died).  They’ve seen me at some really high points in my life (when I got promoted and when I made the decision to leave Las Vegas).  They’ve seen me when I’ve let my ass show (being a bitch, fussy, etc), they’ve seen me laugh until I cried or almost peed myself or both.  They’ve seen me struggle and strain to remain the person I am at my core.  They’ve watched me grow and they’ve watched every single evolution of me in the last 9 years.

And they’ve remained with me, even when I didn’t know why anyone would remain with me.  When I was angry at the world and lashing out at everyone right after Todd died.  When all I wanted to do was go gamble and numb the pain I felt when “he left me.”  They’ve held me up when I couldn’t stand on my own.  They’ve laughed with me, cried with me and prayed with me.  They’ve sat with me, danced with me, stood with me and recovered with me.  They are what I strive to be in 10 years.

They also presented me with a mirror I had not wanted to look at lately and I’m grateful for that.  I won’t be beating myself up anymore for who I am or what I’ve done or not done when it comes to the GA program.  I’ve remained faithful to myself and my Higher Power and I’ve chosen not to gamble, even when not attending meetings.  They reminded me how much I’ve grown and I can’t grow without some growing pains, so I’m absorbing all I learned this weekend and I’m absorbing the love and serenity I feel when I’m around them.  I am going to hang onto that for awhile and not let go.  I needed this weekend.  I needed my Vegas crew to remind me that my life is no longer black and white.  My life is what it is and I’ve come so very far with it.

I hope you all had a great weekend!

Until next time…

Well hey there fellow bloggers of mine!  I’ve missed you!  I’ve tried keeping up with reading and commenting and I just suck at it right now.  I have so much on my plate, I don’t know if I’m going left or right most days.  But I’m okay with that.

I’ve been in a very good space the last few days and it helps that I’ve had some Vegas peeps in town to help me find my center again.  After work last night, I went down to the Galt House to meet up with them for dinner and cocktails.  It was a-w-e-s-o-m-e!  and I had a great time.  I’ll be heading back down to the hotel tonight and then again tomorrow after I get off work from the 2nd job.   I’m putting all homework and school aside so I can spend time with them.  I’ll be bitching about it Sunday and Monday when I’m racing to get everything done by the Tuesday due date!

I have some opinions about stuff and while I am so very tempted to NOT express them, I’m going against that thought process.

When I make a public mistake, I try to apologize publicly.  If I hurt someone publicly, the apology and the amends I make are public as well (for proof of this:  just read a few weeks back).  I do not bullshit people, I do not lie.  If someone comes to me and asks me, I lay it out.  Whether they believe me or not is up to them.  I don’t have time to worry about whether others are going to take my posts personally or not.  This blog is about no one but me and the way I feel about shit.  Period.  If I ever directly talk about someone, they know it because we’ve talked about it.  I’m not perfect though and I have posted before talking and that won’t happen again.  I learn from my mistakes.

I do not go around talking about people and I do not backstab.  I have friends in different circles and groups of people.  Each of these friends know that they can come to me and it will not be repeated.  Even if it’s about someone in the other group.  Not my style to read someone’s post about something and go running to the other group saying “Oh my gosh, you need to see what so and so wrote!”

What I have found in this blogging world of ours is that when I say something here, someone who reads me will repeat it to someone who does not read me.  When I talk about people on here, someone who reads me will turn around and manipulate it and tell someone else who doesn’t read me.  Right?  Wrong?  It makes me question each and every reader I have, honestly.  It makes me question loyalty of friendships and trust and respect of said readers.

BTW, just as a disclaimer, this has NOT happened to me (that I know of), just stuff I’ve read and noticed around these here parts.

I strive to own up to all of my actions and behaviors.  I’ve made a lot of mistakes.  I’ve gotten into patterns of mistakes.  I’ve gotten into patterns of unhealthy thinking and living.  Right or wrong, it’s what I’ve done in the past.  All I can do is move forward and try to learn from it and keep myself out of those situations.

I have no control over whether someone will use this information against me or not.  While I hope you wouldn’t use my information against me, it has been done before so it makes me nervous everytime I type something on here.

I refuse to be censored.  I refuse to be quiet just because others are vindictive and like to use someone’s past and pain against them.  I refuse to let someone stop me from expressing myself.  This is MY safe haven, not yours.  If you do not like what I have to say, stop reading.  I’m sure someone out there will tell you what I’ve said and manipulate it to their liking.

And now that I’m done ranting, I have to go to work.  Blech.  Jobs have a way of interferring with the way I want to live my life damnit!  Have a great day!  TGIFF!

Until next time…

I’ve been doing a lot of soul searching, or navel gazing if that’s your preference.  I look back on this blog and I see how I’ve grown and how I’ve struggled.  I see how I went into a huge funk, one that I’m still finding my way out of.  I see things from my past that I sometimes think are best left unsaid or left in the dark without the whole world to see.

I’ve considered leaving the blogging world in a sense, that I wouldn’t really blog much anymore but still read your blogs.  I’ve considered going back through the 2500+ posts here and deleting or password protecting (with an unknown password) some of my other posts.

When I started blogging 4.5 years ago, I had very little knowledge of what privacy I would be giving up.  I didn’t realize people would try to revert me back to being in high school.  I graduated 23 years ago, I’m not digging it.  I didn’t like high school then and I certainly don’t like how it sometimes makes me feel now. 

I read and I hear about all this drama out in the blogosphere and it makes me question myself.  I look back at the last 4.5 years and realize how mean of a person I’ve been.  I also see how I’ve grown and become a better person from the inside out. 

In the next few days, if your readers blow up with password protected posts, please forgive me.  I don’t know if it will update your feeds or not (I’m not savvy like that) when I go in and update the post.  I’m almost afraid to delete or get rid of some of these posts because I’ve had this blog since I started and I don’t know if I want to get rid of that part of my life.  It’s helped shape me into who I am today and it makes me kinda sad knowing that I’m considering walking away from it.

I’m going to keep thinking, praying, meditating and journaling before making my final decision.  Maybe just start over somewhere else?  Who knows what I will decide.  Ya’ll will be the 2nd or third set of peeps to know (first will be mom and my brother).

Until next time…

Isn’t it amazing how something you didn’t even know was stressing you out as much as you thought could be such a relief once it’s done?  Damnit.  Did that make sense?  Here’s the thing, on Monday of this week, I turned in the final paper for my math class.  I also finished up the last of the homework assignments and am now waiting on my final grade in that class.  I was holding a steady B without this paper being graded.  Depending on how well I did on it, I will either end up with a very high B or a very high C cause my current B status is somewhere in the middle.  I’m hoping I did not hose it as badly as I think I did.

My final paper for the English class is due tomorrow at noon.  I turned it in this evening after I got home from work and polished it up.  This one?  I feel like I hosed it to hell and back.  I do not feel confident in it at all and I feel more secure in my math final than I do this one.  And this is strange for me because I am suddenly doing fairly decently in math.

I should have both final grades by tomorrow sometime (my math dude will have it today or tomorrow and the English lady will grade it and let me know within an hour of grading).   So hopefully, by this time tomorrow evening, I will know how well (or horribly) I did in both classes.

The relief I felt turning in the math paper was phenomenal and then tonight after turning in the writing paper was awesome.  I felt all this stress leave me.  It may have helped that I started drinking Heineken right after I hit submit on that paper.  I’m already tipsy.  I need to remember how much of a light weight I really am when it comes to drinking alcohol anymore.  lol

Work was beautiful this week.  The bane of my existence was not there and so I woke up actually looking forward to going to work.  It was weird, actually.  Although I still hate payroll something fierce, I actually did not mind going to work.  Odd feeling for me, for sure.

I’m so looking forward to my weekend with some other bloggers in June and for my nine with my BFF in Vegas in October.  I’m focusing more on the October trip, just because it’s the “bigger” of the two.  Not in substance, just in length .

I felt a wave of happiness come over me when I actually put my foot down and wrote down the dates I will be taking off work.  I’ve already talked to Manager Lady, so hopefully Supervisor will approve.  It’s a little early to put in the request, but I’m spreading the word now so someone with more seniority than me won’t come in and swoop away the dates I’m going to ask for!

I’m going to get to meet tons of people I’ve been chatting with since September, I’m going to get to spend almost two full weeks with my BFF AND I’m going to get to my relatives (cousins) AND my GA family.  Holy crap!  I might even get to see one of my fave peoples ever, the incomparable Miss Hilly!   How cool would that be?  Holy crap!  See all that goodness and positive light?  I’m focusing on that.  I’m focusing on that because if I don’t, I will end up punching someone at work in the throat.  And I know ya’ll don’t want to have to send me bail money via Paypal.  LOL

On that note, I’m going to go watch some NCIS reruns.

Until next time…